7 Mistakes Women Make with Men
3) Treat men like the enemy.
Listen, I don’t know what they told you in women’s studies classes in college, but most men don’t view themselves as part of a patriarchy, they don’t want to oppress women, and they are more likely to think the world is slanted AGAINST THEM. If you think a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, then the non-masochistic members of a male population are going to need you the way a bird needs scuba gear. Besides, it’s not like men are as tough on females as women are on each other. Have you ever heard women go after other women? Scratch, scratch, ROWR!
Moreover, do you know what a man thinks when he hears a woman make jokes like this?
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE. … He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
“Run!!!!”
Bitter, man-hating women aren’t any more attractive to the opposite sex than angry misogynistic men are to women.
The patriarchy? Is that some kind of new styling gel?
Do you and the rest of the PJ media people have informal contests to see who can generate the most and longest comments?
ZOUNDS! You discovered our secret!
Something about cats would probably obliterate the current record.
Women seem so confident in their intuitions about things, in spite of the likelihood that in a roomful of X women, you could probably find X different intuitions. An accurate count of the number of times in the past that they’ve been wrong would piss most of them off. Not that many men would make the effort to keep count. We’re probably not listening anyway.
I used to be one of those women. A couple of things happened: I found Dr. Laura, listened, and wised up. 2. I quit working my full time job and stayed home to raise and homeschool our son. I learned that I had been working three jobs: work; home/house; family. As a stay at home teaching mom, I was still working three jobs but they were jobs I wanted to do, and COULD do within the 24 hour period. So life changed dramatically for us, I got smart and realized how frigging smart my hubs is ( and he IS!!!!) and started telling him about it, a LOT. He got happy, I got happy, kid got happy. I love my life, I love my hubs, and I thank him all the time for making it all happen. That’s the secret to a happy marriage.
LOVE your comments! I, too, am a very happy woman with a very happy man, and for many of the same reasons.
it’s just proof to me that going against our basic nurturing nature–no matter how attractive the world tries to make it–will never lead to the soul-deeo contentment we all crave.
*deep* (soul-deep)
It probably helps too to not bring up every offense ever suffered or to lodge new off-topic complaints when there is some disagreement. I have observed this bad habit in a number of women.
Well, the way women triage men is a prime example of this overconfidence.
Women generally believe that, within five to ten minutes, they can reliably decide if a man belongs in the “I’d marry” or “I’d never marry” columns. And once they’ve made that decision it’s pretty much impossible to change it.
Ancient Chinese proverb:
“A woman marries a man expecting that he’ll change…and then he doesn’t.
“A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change…and then she does.”
(Revealed to me firsthand by an ancient Chinese. Oh yeah, he was at least 60.)
That’s usually attributed to Albert Einstein, who is not usually Chinese.
Men are fairly simple; so how can we be so confusing to such comparatively complex creatures?
That’s actually a pretty silly thing to say. Men do not all share an identical personality, and neither do all women. Some women are complex, others are simple and straightforward. Some women think with their genitals: others do not. Some men think with their genitals: others do not.
I find that there’s no other subject on which otherwise intelligent people tend to sound stupid as that of relations between the sexes. Any explanation which begins with, “Look, this is very simple ..” is wrong.
Men are generally stronger than women.
Men are generally less complex emotionally than women.
Women are generally more territorial than men.
Men tend to gravitate to full time jobs as their first job than women.
Men tend to be naturally better fighters than women.
This is data.
That said I’m sure you can point out female body builders, male drama queens, women with lax relationship boundaries, women who devote themselves fully to their work, and women who can go Kungfu Louie like a champ.
However it changes zip because they are e.x.c.e.p.t.i.o.n.s to the general norm.
The column is dead accurate though short but women are known to make a lot of mistakes.
I’ll add #9 Trying to keep an argument going when we;ve backed off.
Hint: ladies we back off because we’re getting pissed and don’t want to say or do something we don’t mean.
And #10 Confronting us in public. Removing the ability for us to back off and still save face insures that we will push it further than we would normally and that will not end well for anyone.
This is data.
That is data, yes.
But “Women are complicated” is not data.
“Women are like chess” is not data.
“Men are fairly simple” is not data.
These are just silly comments. Silly and inaccurate comments which, if believed by enough people, can cause all sorts of mischief.
But it is. Women generally have way more complexity when compared to men.
They are Chess to our Checkers, Stealth bombers to our kites. They are much more complex than men simply because they tend to function on levels us guys either don’t pay attention to or simply don’t care about.
Men are conditioned to not pay close attention to emotions overmuch. We look them over but unless they are interfering with the tasks at hand we don’t pay too much attention.
Kinda hard to be The Wall when we are constantly dancing on shifting emotional plates.
Note though that simplicity and complexity are not bad things. They both have their merits and their allure.
On the issue of emotional complexity, I think a useful question might be : “what are the behaviors of a good man ?”.
My answer would be:
A. He keeps his word.
B. He does his job.
C. He accepts his responsibilities.
D. He takes care of the people who depend on him.
I think most people, including most women, would agree with most of these. The common factor, in all four, is releiabilty. Reliability does not consist of doing what you feel like doing – it consists of doing what you should do even if you don’t feel like it.
Why would we want to talk about our feelings when we aren’t supposed to be guided by them in the first place ?
NO, women don’t have more complexity. They like to *make* things more complex. but it’s not because they are in fact more complex, they just like to baffle you with Bravo Sierra.
Men are simple. Don’t **** with us. Period.
There. All your lives will be easier for having read this.
The management.
It ain’t chess it is emotional immaturity.
Oh, twaddle.
Women are not more complex than men. Women are DIFFERENT from men. This is the blindingly obvious fact which seems to have escaped notice for the last few decades.
The genders have different interests, different perceptions, different mental maps of the world, different innate notions of what is important and what is trivial. There are good reasons for the development of these differences, as they have survival value.
Because of these differences, women don’t understand men. And there’s no reason why they should. So far as Darwinian evolution is concerned, the bulls go about their business whether or not the cows understand what they’re up to, and the herd survives for another generation. But modern women tend to conclude that men must be somehow defective, mainly because they’re not very much like women.
Similarly, men don’t understand women. But they don’t conclude that women are simply defective men. They conclude that they don’t understand women. Which, though merely tautological, is perfectly true.
I think men are far more complicated than anyone gives them credit.
No, they are not data. They are not even datum.
They are reasonable generalizations derived from millenia of data. As long as they are understood to be that, and nothing more, they are helpful.
When they are understood to be universally true, they are harmful.
Well put Mark.
@Keith
Actually women’s emotions are generally just closer to the surface. They don’t compartmentalize them like most men do. That’s a good thing because historicly men never really needed to get along with their male tribemates. So long as the hunt was brought in and protection was maintained we were doing our part.
Women spend more time together and use empathy more often due to proximity to children. Their emotional nature was helpful for their historic gender role.
I never studied historic, but I know of hunting parties and know that there’s no such thing as a hunting party of one.
Try again.
@Micha
You can hunt together without liking eachother. They hunted to sustain the tribe but they also competed for the best haul.
I suspect women are actually not more complex than men. Rather, I think that women, in general just focus too much on unimportant little things about themselves, people and relationships whereas men spend that same focus on other things which they do not then spend countless hours verbally analyzing with each other.
Since I’m female and other women sometimes perplex me I don’t know what men do…
I don’t think men are “naturally better fighters.”
That make nearly no sense to me. Too many soft guys around me and confident women, says differently. Even in the best circumstances for a man, his gal inherently has over the eons developed a survival mechanism design to position herself for an advantage. It’s a fight from the get-go just as soon as she has you (marriage, disagreement at work, everywhere else). Over vast amounts of devoted time, a good relationship can develop if the man is legitately strong man (character-wise and physically) + the woman is humble and sensible. In these narrow circumstances can there be a long relationship. Men just can’t stick around if ANY violent tendencies show in women, starting with verbal. There are no protections for them.
Caricature – just like the article.
Thank you, Steve – well said. You saved me the trouble.
Good article, but I would add #8: Getting fat. Obesity is a huge turn-off. Yes, I know that the schools and media have been telling you for years that “Appearances don’t matter, its what’s on the inside that counts;” this is bullshit. If you look like a pig on the outside, then you are most likely a pig on the inside. Feminists hate this fact, but it is reality.
Matt, I would amend that to more specifically: “letting yourself go”. It’s a common complaint that the woman, once she knows she’s got you, suddenly gains fifteen pounds, every day’s a “bad hair day”, and she always seems to be wearing baggy sweats rather than the snazzy outfits she used to draw you in.
Of course this holds for men as well, but seems to occur more consistently appearance-wise with women. With men I’d say it’s more a matter of manners and romantic behavior suddenly going south once the relationship settles in.
Perhaps worse than the women who let themselves go are those who constantly complain about it, whether or not it’s true.
Sure, after giving birth twice my wife isn’t the same rail-thin girl I married. But she’s still far from balancing me on a see-saw. I think she looks great, but she seems to think she looks like Shamu on a bad hair day. It gets tiring to hear all of the apologies for how terrible she looks, and I know other women who do this even more than her.
And where are you to make her feel special even when she has a bad hair day? Where are the flowers for no reason, the tender kiss on the lips or cheek, volunteer to put away the dishes, the back rub…..
Why do you assume he’s not doing all of those things, and more?
JMD you’ve hit on my number one pet peeve about women (and some men, like my ex!
I can’t figure out they’re being self-critical or fishing for compliments but constantly putting themselves down is maddening. I have always made it a point to only say positive or ‘true’ things about myself, especially around my kids. Kids of friends who self-criticize grow up to do the same thing.
No one wants to hear you whine about how fat you are. Eat less!
And if you’re NOT fat, don’t constantly yap about eating exactly the right things or needing to lose another five pounds.
If men think you have an eating disorder, that’s a big turnoff right there.
Focus more on HIM and less on your mirror, just for starters.
Hope you enjoy life with your cats.
I think it was Oscar Wilde who said that it’s best to always be in love. And this means that one should never marry.
Both women letting themselves go and men losing their motivation to be romantic are byproducts of feeling there’s no longer a need for either, which is usually a result of marriage…
Totally agree. Question: why does the media so often portray these fat, stubby looking ugly men with cute, sophisticated, thin women? I constantly ask my husband whenever I see a commercial, show, or movie with such obvious mis-match, which is never a cute, trim man with a chubby ugly women, btw. He says that it’s just a projection of male fantasy- fantasizing that fat, ugly guys can get the cute girl.
You say, “thin” as if it’s a good thing.
The homosexuals who run the “fashion” industry & Hollyweird have convinced a generation of ‘men’ that something with the figure of a mal-nourished teen-aged BOY is somehow the epitome of beauty.
No they haven’t.
They’ve tried but real mean still prefer women with a figure to the adolescent boy look.
Mostly they’ve convinced normal women to hate the way they look.
I’ve heard it said that fashion models and beauty contestants are women who are most attractive to gay men.
If you want to know what most men find beautiful, watch a beer commercial.
Problem is, most of those shows are not written for men. Oh, sure they, have some man foible yuk yuks, but they are they written for women. Many of them feel like their husbands are fat, useless, uncaring dicks, so they wallow in shows that portray them as such. I found King of Queens, Raymond, According to Jim, and others to be downright insulting and I refused to watch them for very long.
I also refuse to watch shows where men are portrayed as idiots, but unfortunately most commercials portray men the same way, as idiots who would be too stiupid to live if it wasn’t for their brilliant wives. Ugh. I don’t watch much TV, needless to say.
Thank you. I too feel like my intelligence has been insulted by these shows. My wife used to enjoy these shows and when I pointed out to her she watched with a critical eye and lo and behold, she won’t watch 99% of TV anymore.
That’s what DVR is for.
The presentation of over weight ugly guys with cute sophisticated (often younger) women, while uncommon, is not rare in western society. What is rare is for the man to be poor, stupid, powerless, and/or a non-celebrity. While women are attracted by physical attributes, some are also drawn to wealth, or power, or intellect, or fame. Given the right mix of those attributes, a butt ugly, malodorous, fat man, will find himself an object of competition among attractive women.
The reason that you don’t see the converse presented, although if you think about it you’ve probably seen instances of a trim man with overweight and or ugly woman, is that the notion of a man, for whom a woman’s attraction is other than appearance based, flies in the face of the media stereotype of men.
Haha- good points! I used to think it was hilarious that Officer Don had Sally as a girl-friend on “Third Rock from the Sun” show, but you’ve hit upon a great explanation.
Hejsan, One of the reasons you see these fat, stubby looking ugly men with these cute, sophisticated, thin women is because it’s part of real life. And there are a number of reasons:1. Money & Power are both aphrodisiacs. Some of those women may be more concerned with being with someone rich than anything else. 2.He asked her out when other guys are sitting home telling themselves”she won’t go out with me” & the girl is home saying, “why won’t anyone call me?” That is the answer Elisabeth Taylor gave when years ago when some said in an interview with her, “You must have had a great childhood, always dating great men” & she said she sat home most nights because no one ever called. While in HS in the late 60s, I dared not call the girl I thought was the sexiest girl in school just for that reason. I would see her with her friends, when I was with the other guys & I thought she was waving to one of the guys I was with & found out years later that she was waving to me. When I ran into her years after that, in another town, she literally undressed me after I took her home from a party I had given during some holiday,after she had rested for hours & whatever alcohol she consumed had warn off. Also, what most men don’t realize is that most women are tired of the same old compliments & want someone different. According to Marianne Williamson in her Course of Miracles, while in bed with some guy once, he asked her what she liked & she said her thought was,”Don’t ask me. Just be different.”
It’s because the short, fat, hairy stubby guy is RICH!
Bingo, most women seem to crave security, and a lot of money enables security.
Never got past the first paragraph. Just another female bashing article from PJ Media.
Really? I appreciated the candor, tongue in cheek humorous delivery. I thought these applied to about 80% of the women I know. It’s not an insult to women- just a reality check. Not sure why the scorn, Dee.
I suspect that Dee sees herself in some of the points the author makes.
I thought it was funny and while not every woman does all of these (I prefer to avoid causing emotional drama) a lot actually do.
So, pointing out mistakes that some women make in their relationships with men is what you consider woman bashing? From that, it would seem that all women are without flaws and men are the cause of all the world’s problems.
Hope you enjoy life with your cats.
Re: “Hope you enjoy life with your cats.”
My cats are more attentive, loving, devoted and forgiving than any of my ex-girlfriends or my ex-wife. Dogs, on the other hand, are obsessively needy and clingy. They remind me of the worst of my ex-girlfriends. But neither cats nor dogs could ever betray me as much as my ex-wife did. So I’m done with the whole human relationships thing. And proudly so.
Sorry for your troubles, Richard!
But your remarks do bring to mind one of my favorite quotes about cats:
“With the qualities of cleanliness, discretion, affection, dignity, and courage that cats have, how many of us, I ask you, would be capable of being cats?” Fernand Mery
IMHO, cats are truly elegant beings, and people who claim they’re faithless have never known their love.
A very few cats are worth having around. The rest are arrogant, useless consumption/pooping/clawing machines that want nothing to do with you.
Seriously, if I want a pet, I’ll get a dog, a rodent… heck, even a bloody hermit crab is more likely to be friendly, and it’s a crustacean, one step up from an insect.
There are exactly two nice things about the average cat: it has a strong tendency to go in the kitty box instead of just on the floor, and it will keep most rodents away.
With cats, it’s one of those “99% make the other 1% look bad” kind of things.
To dogs, you’re family.
To cats, you’re staff.
Ya makes your choices…I’ve had both
I suspect a lot of the problems people have with cats is how they relate to them. Kind of like kids, if you treat them like they have a purpose they thrive and return a lot. I got a shop (barn) cat a while back to deal with the mice and feral cats. She’s (ya, she’s huge) a badass cat and fun to have around. Hangs out with the guys (it’s a welding shop) and entertains us endlessly. Never liked cats but ZI like this one.
Astonishing. I thought it was a marvel of tact. And for the record, bashing feminism and feminists is not the same as bashing women. Feminism is male chauvinism in drag. It’s central argument is: everything traditionally masculine is better than everything traditionally feminine. Ever wondered why feminists demand women do everything men enjoy instead of what women enjoy?
Excellent point. Feminists sold women an empty sack. They told us that to be important we would have to be just like men! But yet, maleness is bad, they tell us. Celebrate being female by being male! Wait… I’m confused…
Indeed. On day, feminists may figure out that there is nothing so misogynistic as feminism. Karl Stern’s The Flight From Woman makes a pretty case for the idea that this species of misogyny inheres and originates in Enlightenment Rationalism.
Or for a simpler explanation, there’s this:
http://www.fredoneverything.net/AsianWomen.shtml
I do not say that I agree with every part of it, but it is food for thought.
More food for thought, with a more scholarly bent:
http://www.psy.fsu.edu/~baumeistertice/goodaboutmen.htm
Read #3 again. It’s intended for you.
You’re not gonna call SPLC and have PJ Media added to their list of misogynistic “hate” websites are you?
If anything, the article is too kind to women.
Instead of looking for “good men,” women should look for the *good* in men.
http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/a-dating-exercise-for-women/
Ya know, LS, I went & looked at the link you provided. It was actually pretty good, but its advice could apply to ANY person, at ANY time — in that it’s always easier to be w/a person looking on the bright side of things. Constant negativity is hard on the person and anyone around them.
That said, I sure hope you aren’t a constant ‘fond’ reader of this misogynistic column, and esp. its commenters. I spent some time looking around/reading the site; while there are FEW (very few) good insights and no holds barred articles, most of it is SO anti-woman that it almost made me cry — and no, not for any ‘manipulative’ reason, related to a man. But b/c it’s totally devoid of ANY female p.o.v. It goes back to women exist only to please men, and pump up their tired, puny egos, without getting much of anything in return.
Listen, I am NOT a man-hater. I just want to be treated as a real person, not some idealized version of womanhood. I want to be heard and taken seriously. In turn I will do the same for whoever I come contact with. I’ve been w/my current husband for 10 yrs., married 4. I guess I had to wait until I was 44 for someone to come along that IS my ideal mate. And b/c he is, he *does* get preferential, ‘spoiling’ treatment. He makes sure I know I’m heard, AND taken seriously. Really, the only public quarrel we’ve had is when he was very belittling to me in public (VERY loudly), and the argument took place only when we were @ home. He’s never done it again. Oh yeah, we’ve had some major/minor dustups, but that’s only to be expected when you’re rubbing along w/someone 24/7, x 365. In the end, tho, we both know that we love each other (and usually IN love w/each other) and we’re going nowhere, so there’s no hurling the divorce word. That’s just hurtful and unreal.
…Which is why I linked to that particular post and not the blog in general.
Seriously, can you please give just a little understangin? There is the female point of view anywhere and everywhere, including in the life-destroying courts when men cannot get a break after being cut, slashed and tortured. In the media, they are laughed at on every turn (after slashed, cut and tortured) and in the most-popular songs like Man Down or Kill Earl. In school and on college campuses. There can’t be harm to permitting some articles that are not derogatory, and may help women know basically, it hurts to be hurt, even as a man, and especially as ways only men are attacked, hurt, and thought of as almost non-human. If you see this, it will help relations between the gender. Understanding is seeing better.
My relationship with my wife is the opposite of the stereotype. I’m the talker, she’s the silent one.
Recently, I was being polite to a total stranger – or so I thought – and struck up a conversation of complete small talk and no worth.
My wife begin to pull my coat sleeve, the signal to “let’s go.” We got in the car, and my wife gave stern look and said, “You should have been a girl.”
Should I be flattered or insulted?
Flattered, but who cares.
Me.
Does the J stand for Joyful?
Be flattered. One of the most reinforcing compliments I ever received from the werehusband was “You think like a guy!”
Good article, food for thought. Women and men can get along and it is pretty nice when they do.
As a happily married woman who also grew up with ten brothers, I can vouch for the reliability of this article.
Women, pay attention.
Rule #9 – Don’t regale him about your prior sex life. Especially in great detail. And don’t repeat your history endlessly. Unless you’re wearing a chastity ring, and he knows what it is, he’ll know that he’s not your “first”. But he doesn’t like being compared to previous conquests any more than you would like to hear his. Discretion!
Dunno what the big deal is about not talking about past relationships. My wife and I feel free to share any of those details, and generally enjoy doing so, in moderation and without violating certain limits of explicitness. Of course we haven’t been married that long… 30 years. I guess love conquers all, especially if you can communicate effectively.
This piece is really boring.
and so you spiced it up with a really exciting comment?
Haha
http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot
Rule #8: If you found him attractive, chances are there’s at least another woman out there who would find him attractive.
There is a corollary to this. “Remember that the fact you found/find him attractive, makes him more attractive to other women.” Further the strength of this effect is in direct proportion to your attractiveness.
Interesting that only guys respond positively to this article.
I mean “mainly” not “only”
I guess you did not read comment number ten.
I guess you didn’t read my edit
I’m female and I think it’s spot on. If I added my two cents I’d be even harder on my own gender.
Well the article tries to explain guys, so if guys respond positively that should tell you something. Whether the information is received “positively” by gals tells you nothing about guys.
I also found the article to be insightful and spot-on! Only those of us who have ‘done it wrong’ and then discovered that we were wrong and changed, can recognize when someone is giving correct information about how to do it right! Great job of navigating and delineating our missteps, without being disrespectful! As for those who take offense: maybe the mirror is too revealing.
It’s ok– there’s hope! In fact, I just read this great article about how women can avoid some common mistakes in their relationships with men….
>>You’ll probably never see a man write off a woman as not even worth having a conversation with because she had scuffed shoes or because she doesn’t have a lot of money.
I don’t know; your commenters seem pretty eager to write off women based on their appearance.
He specifically mentioned that, just before the comment you quoted. Go re-read. Try not to read to find fault. Try to read to find validity.
The article is not about men and their faults. Lots of other articles about that. It is about women and their misunderstanding of men. Please do not respond with a “tu quoque”* argument. Just because men have equivalent flaws, does not make your own flaws valid. They are still flaws.
You cannot change the other guy. You can only change yourself. If you read a self-help book and think someone else needs to be the one reading this, then YOU are the problem.
*tu quoque – (Well, you do it, tooooo!) (childish, nasally whine)
“Try not to read to find fault. Try to read to find validity.”
Nice. I’m gonna use this.
Have you ever /listened/ to why various women want nothing to do with some man? “Too short” “too tall” “wrong race” “fat” “skinny” “look at what he is wearing!”
Amen, HR! And not b/c women have “scuffed shoes”, either! Usually about something she can’t DO anything about, unlike shoes (jeez, just *polish* ‘em, ok?) I’ve seem men who were downright unattractive (AND fence-post ugly), FAT, smelly, and in general nasty w/horrible personalities, say, “Well, she’s not good enough for me” when talking about someone female that was their equal, lateral & same self. They expect the airbrushed bimbos from the porn mags/sites to pant after them. Ha ha ha ha! Good luck w/that, loser.
NOWHERE is there a site for “good enuf women”, but women are supposed to settle for “nice guys” that really … aren’t. This article is a waste of time, but women who already know they’re worth more won’t indulge the author by thinking of themselves as ‘less’. All one need do is to see the diff. is Google “nice guys” and “nice women”. ALL the sites are about MEN, and what they think/want/desire. I’ve got NEWS for most of ‘em: real women are NOT airbrushed, need dental floss, occasionally fart, might have an extra 5-10 lbs. (next to your 30+ extra), don’t like cheap floozy lingerie, and want to be valued for WHO THEY ARE. Just like men want; not that they might be someone who they aren’t.
No, I’m not a man-hater, and I think that some younger women have an unrealistic idea about what men will/won’t ‘work’ for them. I LOVE men (well, since I’m married, just 1 man in partic.!
However, I’m sick & tired of a double standard, whether we’re talking about having sex, or whether a spec. woman is ‘good enuf’ to marry, or even take home to the folks. Even super-duper fat nasty men expect 1 of the top 10 models to desire them. As far as I’m concerned, there’s been too much pornification of America. If that’s all a man wants, it’s there at his fingertips (sorry about the pun). If he wants a real, live, *workable* relationship with a real, live woman — that takes some work on both sides, not just for women. Do men really think they can be nasty to a bit older women who’ve gained some weight (usually women who’ve ALREADY had kids), but think nothing of all the extra weight THEY’VE gained? J.C. in a sidecar. GET REAL & WAKE UP.
Hey DD, you seem to have a problem expressing how you really feel. I blame our Patriarchal society and all the evil men that run it.
There are a lot of women and men alike who have unrealistic expectations about their attractiveness to others. That’s nothing new. Most of the time, they either realize their expectations are unrealistic and make changes or they end up alone.
It’s only a double standard to you if you don’t recognize the differences in the sexes and why they are motivated by different things in a mate.
Seriously? If you expect women to accept you warts and all and you’re only willing to accept women who are hawt, then yes it’s a serious double standard and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Caroj,
You might actually try reading the comment before you know… commenting on it. Mike T made it pretty clear that men and women are motivated by different things. You not wanting to accept that reality doesn’t make it any less real. But go on and tell the brick wall to be as soft as cotton, I’m sure it won’t hurt as much when you keep hitting your head on it.
I believe women once knew all those things perfectly well until the feminists attacked conventional wisdom and the result was the coarsening of manners and devastation in the relations between the sexes. (By the way “gender” is a grammatical term, the feminists coarsened language too.) This was all part of an attack on Western Civilization from the left. What we wind up with is the ‘b****s’ and ‘hos’ of rap music. Not to mention the legions of aging feminists who are frustrated and lonely.
The quip: “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” was made out of an older atheist joke, “Man needs God like Fish needs Bicycle”, which derives its humor from the juxtaposition of two singular/plural nouns. If you’re not an atheist you might even see the humor of it. However to the feminists there was nothing funny about men and women. With their tin ears they mangled the original aphorism with in the usual ham-handed way, the same as they did to men-women relations, and from which was have hardly recovered. As with the feminist version, it can work either way. lf women don’t need men, then men aren’t obligated to defend and provide for women and you get the ethos of the inner city: breed children and let welfare take care of them, deal drugs and kill your friends for sport.
Well said.
I’d qualify your “if women don’t need men” to mean ‘don’t need a husband” — these single liberal women sure as hell act like they DO need men, just other women’s husbands as taxpayers.
Rule #10 – Talking back.
If you meet a woman who claims she understands men, 9 times out of 10 she’s single and for a good reason. Be wary of taking her advise. Once you have kids be a little tolerant of grooming, everybody ends up frazzled and tired. You really have to struggle to find time to stay in shape and well groomed especially if you are both working.
You might even want to try taking their advice.
Then there’s always the possibility that you want a “nice guy,” but in practice you ignore men like that and chase good looking, arrogant jerks with high-paying jobs
Needs a rephrase:
Then there’s always the possibility that you want a “nice guy,” but in practice you ignore good-looking nice men with high paying jobs, and chase arrogant jerks.
There. That’s more like real in life.
Men in single state should tarry,
While women, I suggest they marry.
— Samuel Hoffenstein (1890–1947)
Oh, yes. #6 nails it good.
Although I think “Cads and dads” is more accurate, if the woman has enough sense to stop chasing the cads.
My observation is that young women tend to want to date the men that make the worst husbands and don’t want to date men that make good husbands and long term partners.
For example, it’s fun to date a guy that spends lots of money on you and wants to party a lot and the girls are all crazy about.
But after marriage if this guy is still blowing money you won’t be able to pay your bills and having to fight off other women gets old after about ten seconds.
Where as a more stable guy isn’t as fun to date because he isn’t spending money he doesn’t have to impress people that don’t matter. And if he has a good job that means he has to be in bed at a decent hour. If he’s working his way through college he won’t have much money to blow.
But the boring guy is almost always the better provider in the long run and certainly a better father and less likely to have an affair.
I noticed several women over the years after their first marriage to the party boy ends in divorce they are a lot more mature the second time around and suddenly those boring guys look real good.
Of course this raises the question of what possible motivation that stable, employed, hard working man would want with a former party girl who was dumped by her jerk husband.
Regret from poor decisions does not mean that someone has gained the self knowledge and strength to handle their end of a relationship as difficult as marriage. Further, as bad as the divorce rates are for first marriages, second marriage are worse. How long before she tires of the guy she views as boring but of value, and rationalizes chasing jerks again?
Sounds trite, but the heart wants what it wants.
In GENERAL: men view “dating” as the interviewing process for securing a mate (either temporary or long-term).
Women, however, want to continue “dating” for their rest of their lives—even if it’s with the same man. Hence, they invented “date night.”
Let me insert the most important rule of all to the #1 spot:
Stop thinking that women’s values are superior to men’s values!
We each have our natural roles in life, and we have natural tendencies to support those roles, as well as cultural reinforcement.
For example, it is not that men are uncomfortable with their emotions. It is that they are conditioned to restrain them. “Big boys don’t cry.” Emotions can distract you when you are out there hunting and fighting. They can get you killed. Men focus on their one task, while women multi-task. Men hunted. Women did chores and raised children. Different roles. Different approaches to life.
Another example, men do not talk as much as women. Why? Women are physically far weaker. They require numbers and social bonds to protect them. They are always scrutinizing relationships, looking for any sign the relationship may be weakening. Constant exchange of words (information allows them to guage this more readily. Men do not need this. We are physically strong. We do not feel vulnerable. Also, since we tend to focus on just one thing at a time, we are NOT thinking about you and the relationship, unless you are the next thing on the to-do list.
This is why women cheat (and they cheat far more than do men). If she feels that the relationship is not strong, she does not work to strengthen it, but rather, looks to replace it. It’s less work. It is a need for security. You can call it emotional security, but that really translates into physical security. She needs to feel safe. It’s also why they like “bad boys”. A dangerous man can keep her physically safe. He may be rough with her, but he’ll be even rougher with someone else. Lots of women prefer the caveman type, even if they don’t know it, or just won’t admit it.
So, men have ways which suit their needs and priorities. Women have their ways. Both are equally valid. If you don’t “understand” men, it is because you are violating this rule. What you are really saying is, “Men’s ways are just stupid.” No, they are not. Our ways are perfectly valid.
Note to men: This applies to you, too. Women are also not “hard to understand”. Their ways are not stupid, either. Equally valid works both ways.
They’re not stupid, they’re alien. Interests, motivations, goals, and even senses are different, sometimes radically so. Any man who fancies that he understands women (except in a superficial, phenomenological way) is almost surely wrong. He simply doesn’t have the equipment for it. And, of course, vice versa. Women are not equipped to understand men, even if not all that many of them will admit it.
#1 is stupid because, women don’t think about sex the same as men no, but you know what, I pretty much just want the same thing. Why do I have to pretend I don’t? If I emotionally invest myself, then find out hes lousy in bed, or we are lousy together, then I wasted my time and his money. Might as well just lay your cards on the table. That being said, I’m more choosy then who I go on a date with. I take time to know a guy before our date/sex.
Great point!! I agree…I’d prefer to know sooner rather than later of there’s no chemistry.
re “, then I wasted my time and his money”
Uh, you do know this doesn’t paint you in the best light, right?
Commonly heard on womens TV: “Where are all the good men? I can’t find one anywhere.”
Answer: “Married to good women. They need you like a fish needs a bicycle”
Or, “Where are all the good women?” Married to jerks. When I was single, the really nice girls were all about chasing the jerks that treated them badly or who were down right mean to them. Sure, maybe I was the boring guy, but I just wanted someone that I could love and devote my life to. The girls wanted someone they could ‘change’ into a pussycat. It never worked and most/many ended up alone. I was lucky enough to, finally, find that one, right, girl who recognozed me for what I was. We’ve been married for 33 years this July.
I have to say this is all very true, and some of the additional points made by respondents are pretty good, too.
I practice all of these at least most of the time already and yet I find myself single again. Apparently I have been choosing the wrong men. My last two relationship were with brilliant men who had abusive fathers and I left both relationships because these men became very mean.
Fortunately I know #6 is true, there are good men out there, and I am raising two more.
I enjoyed this article and suspect most women, who didn’t feel personally slighted by one of the seven tips, got a good laugh out of it too.
“Bitter, man-hating women aren’t any more attractive to the opposite sex than angry misogynistic men are to women.”
This is precisely the reason I question Sandra Fluke’s claim that she needs contraceptives at all.
FINALLY Something not Obama. AND NOW! -some of you are analyzing the author and or his points instead of just enjoying the chuckles in there! geeeezz folks do you all ever rest!
geeeezz
I can’t tell you how much fun I’ve had these last 31 years with the “WAR DEPARTMENT” I could but she would kill me. So thats why my “6″ is intact! hows yours?
I’m a woman who grew up with five older brothers and a great father. Women annoy me and it’s men whom I understand. I love being around men because there’s no drama, no calculation, and a wonderful atmosphere of irreverence and dark humor.
I think it’s hilarious that women ignore nice guys. And at the same time says, all men are jerks. haha
I readily concede that as a group men may exhibit certain superficialities, but the idea that women don’t judge by looks is untrue. They do, but instead of saying, “I don’t find him physically attractive” they say, “There was just no chemistry.” I don’t mind the viewpoint; I mind the hypocrisy.
You often hear that “where are all the good men” line but that begs the question, “What causes you to think that you’re so wonderful that you can demand the best and if you get less than the best you’re ‘settling?’”
When I hear that line from a woman, if I’m not feeling particularly charitable, my response is, “They’re all with the good women. Do you know where the good women are?”
Do all PJ writers get their ideas from teevee? This time from some hackneyed sitcom. Watch teevee and write about it. A digital ‘loafers around the water cooler’ approach. Another silly article on this site.
I am attracted to tom-boys. They are tough yet can be girly as needed. They do not put with men’s shit and are not easy. Often they really do understand men, often where as much raised by dad as anyone.
I do not want a Paris Hilton want-to-be. Nor do I want some overweight cow who is always a victim. I like tough, athletic women who can keep up with me, even challenge me.
BTW, the whole feminist view is being a victim. Being a victim is being a slave in training.
After 25 years of marriage, we read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. It provided a great base for understanding each other and opened communication techniques we still use. Two other musts are “The Five Love Languages” and “Fighting For Your Marriage. We always recommend them to the couples we mentor. This article is humorous; however, if you want to “get it right” you need to work at understanding barriers to good communication between the sexes.
I’ve been married to the same wonderful woman for 50 years. Prior to getting married my father gave me some sage advice. He said, “Son, you won’t understand this now but you will grow into an understanding that there are three types of reasons in this world. Good reasons,bad reasons & women’s reasons.” This is a great Truth. Furthermore I have discovered the one thing that men and women truly have in common. They both enjoy the company of men.
zzz… snort! …oh, I’m sorry, did you say something? …about a fish, maybe?
Actually, you were talking alot but not saying anything.
Great article – I thoroughly enjoyed it. I’ve been married 31 years and can vouch for the comment that women ‘used to know these things’ earlier in this comment thread. Most women did, certainly if they had brothers or a close relationship with their fathers.
I’m going to email the link to my daughters and will be interested to see their reactions. They’re in their twenties and already “know everything” just like everybody in their twenties – but it’s worth a shot. Many of these mistakes can be made inside marriage (except #1) and are even more damaging there because marriage should be sanctuary for both partners.
My husband sometimes says he is in ‘his nothing box’ – the mental place where he goes to think about nothing when he is tired. I’m amazed by that. I cannot think about ‘nothing’. It’s impossible for me. Most men can do it – but women cannot. This explains the section on overanalyzing which is spot on.
My wife call it the “cave”. I think most men have a mental/physical space where we can just be alone.
As an older woman, with lots of life experience under her ‘belt,’ I can clearly see the errors this article’s author is making. He’s basing all his “knowledge” on his own personal experience. So, of course, he’s going to sound ‘full of it’ to quite a few readers. Everyone’s personal experiences are going to be different.
On the whole, it’s wrong to generalize about individuals based solely on their gender–just as it is wrong to hold preconceived notions about people of different skin color or from different cultures.
Personally, I find there are people of both sexes who are extremely shallow and/or immature; and there are a lot of people who seem to live in a world of fallacy rather than reality. That is their choice, and their lives tend to be negatively affected for this.
And, let’s not say that people are raised in a vacuum, separated from the effects of a society that has lost its focus on raising children of good character, and instead has turned its entire focus to being entertained. I’m thinking THAT has an awful lot to do with the difficulties both genders now have with establishing and maintaining relationships.
Ok, now for the fun part: Answering the author’s advice. Yeah, due to space constraints, I can only answer 3 at a time.
#1. If ya don’t sleep with him, he’ll still leave you, and then tell his friends you’re a ‘bad lay.’ Yes, this is a lie, but he’s trying to save face in front of his friends. He cares diddly about your reputation.
#2. Expect the best from him, but when he fails (and this is inevitable, cuzz he’s human), he would prefer you keep it to yourself, since he has a ‘rep’ to protect. Sad, huh?
#3. No, men are NOT ‘the enemy,’ but you have every right to protect yourself from allowing someone to trick you, then hurt you when they reveal their true colors. That is a given.
Answering advice, continued…
#4. “Manipulate his emotions”?? WHAT emotions? Your article says men don’t use emotions. LOL!
#5. “Change them.” Dude, we’re trying to salvage any good we may see in him! To make that ‘good’ stand out, we HAVE to get rid of his bad habits. Otherwise, we’d have no choice but to avoid all men.
#6. “Give up hope..”…that’s good advice! LOL! I guess we’re optimists, eh? See #5 above.
#7. “Overanalyze”–LOL! You stated early in your article that women are complex. So, now we need to ‘dumb-down’ to make you guys appear acceptable? Please see #3 answer in my #40 post. Sheesh, be realistic! LOL!
Nice. Can’t see myself attracted to your mind.
Mr. Johnson,
I do not base my comments on any desire to attract anyone.
PJ Media is NOT a dating site. If you’re looking for a woman to date, you might want to try Eharmony, or Match.com. Good luck to you; you’ll need it.
If a man said that crap to me I would scratch his eyes our with my “glass covered paws”. However, I would have to agree with much of the column… our cauldron of emotion is what makes us so intriguing, dangerous and addictive. We should have a surgeon general warning printed on us. We’re like that soft fuzzy looking cactus that you really want to touch as a kid but know what happens when you do… and then touch it anyway- ouchy. Well only sometimes.The rest of the time we are warm squeeky toys… yeah I’ll leave the writing to Mr. Hawkins.
A further note about emotions: get over the fact that not only are (most) men less sentive towards feelings, but that it’s because feelings are simply less important to (most) men than they are to women. Women are hyper-emotional and hyper-sensitive because the #1 determinant of survival all the way up into the stone age for a woman was “do the other women of my tribe accept me?” Compare that to “if I broke my leg doing (x), can I make it back to camp and/or manage to at least bring in a LITTLE food along the way?”
Ask a woman how she feels — ask a man what he THINKS.
So basically, what you’re saying is that men aren’t really much more than a penis with a mouth for tossing out come-ons, eyes for leering, hands for groping, and feet for fleeing afterwards; and women should just learn to accept them for what they really are and wait to laugh them off ’til they’re out of earshot because it’s ego that keeps them upright?
If this is what your evolution has done to man, it’s no wonder no one’s getting married these days.
** … that begs the question, “What causes you to think that you’re so wonderful that you can demand the best and if you get less than the best you’re ‘settling?’” **
Holy cow, turn this around for some ‘role playing’, eh? I’ve seen men that no women (that men “rate” btwn 7-10) would have ANYthing to do with making this same case. What makes THEM think they’re so wonderful they can demand the best women, yet they’re in the 3-4 category? And expect it to happen and won’t ‘settle’ for anything less? It takes real WORK for a relationship, it doesn’t just happen. Oh, it might for a couple wks, but after that …
This describes the (great) guys in my life: husband and two sons. We all know that I am wired differently than them and they from me…we enjoy the heck out of our differences, depend on them, and laugh at them.
Life is good!
“…if a man says something that makes a woman cry, it may be no big deal for her.”
It may be no big deal, but then again it may. I don’t know what this assertion is based on, but personally if anyone says something that makes me cry it is a very big deal. And salad dressing? Really?
Oh dear, I’m sorry, but sometimes it’s necessary to manipulate someone’s emotions. And it’s not just something women do to men. We’ve all been manipulated and we’ve all been manipulators–it’s part of the human condition. So, don’t take it personally, men. And grow some nads about female tears. Don’t give us such an easy upper hand.
It’s not that we give you the upper hand. It’s that if you manipulate us too much we’ll get angry and leave you.
The ‘grow some ‘nads’ advice is laughable.
According to the PC CW, if a woman bitches and nags, or accomplishes the same thing passive-aggressively, she is merely “communicating her unmet needs in the relationship.”
If the man reaches his limit and tells her off, gets loud, or cusses, why that is “psychological abuse”.
FWIW, I’ve been married 20 years, and things are actually better after I quit caving or biting my tongue as much as I used to.
Very metrosexual.
Men are conditioned to be providers, or crushed and kept as children. Men are ridiculed and emasculated. Bigger car, bigger job. More, more money. All we want and need is a loving female partner; who cares about the makeup or the looks? Water finds its own level.
The idea that men are simple and women are complex is a feminist trope designed to subjugate the “primal” male to the “enlightened” female.
The implication is that women have greater understanding than men (a rocket scientist telling you she can’t figure out how a flush toilet works) and if the world weren’t an evil patriarchy the obviously superior females would be in much greater positions of power. The simple fact that men hold power proves they are oppressive.
It’s why men need to feminize themselves in order to become more positive members of society: their physicality dominates women. It’s all an accident of evolution, something that must be overcome if society is to progress.
A world run by women would be a world without war, right?
So PJMedia is with feminists now?
If you look down on your partner as a simple creature it’s no wonder your relationship doesn’t work out. How would you feel if your hubby called you “simple” ?
I thought women were sensitive to such things…
Interesting that you read “simple” to mean “stupid.” I read it to mean “straightforward.” Nuance, eh?
Sympathize with your annoyance.
Ex-Feminist
I somehow doubt that Mr. Hawkins gleaned these nuggets of wisdom from personal experience with women. #thatsnotwhyyouaresingle
The most important advice I can give to a woman is DON’T MARRY A DEMOCRAT. He wants you for only one thing. Once he gets it he will FORCE you to have an abortion. If you do not, he will beat you until you miscarry.
Along the same lines, VENT REPUBLICAN MEN TO ENSURE THAT THEY ARE REALLY REPUBLICAN AND NOT LIKE DAVID FRUM. A pro-choice Republican man or an anti-gun Republican man are exactly like Democrat men.
A Democrat will let his friends rape you. A true Republican will defend you to the death.
If you spread your legs for a Democrat, please take down your phony “Support our troops” bumper sticker, since by sleeping with a traitor, you undermine their mission.
After a long time on this planet I think I’ve found a foolproof way to an insight to any woman’s mind and house. Just have a look at the interior of her car.
1 Mistake PJ Media makes:
Page-view whoring by breaking up this crap into 7 pages by default.
Look, guys – you’re not fooling anyone.
All your advertisers know you inflate the count like this, so it’s ineffective, and completely use-hostile.
So STOP DOING IT.
10/4 to that. At least they have a “view as one page” button.
AGREED!
The author is actually kow-towing to women too much with his comments about them being more emotionally complex, while the male aspect is somehow ‘simple’ (with a subtext of inferiority).
Nonsense.
The corollary of women being “more in touch with their emotions” is PRECISELY the [un-PC to state it] tendency to also be “more at the mercy of their emotions”.
Don’t fall into the trap of tacitly granting the POV of feminists who refuse to acknowledge the existence of any differences between men and women unless the female variant can be painted as superior.
Men and women are in fact generally different, and it really is more or less a yin-yang thing, with each strength having its flip side weakness usually.
Now the real trick is getting a woman to read AND understand that what you just said isn’t really what you meant but what she thinks you meant…or kinda like having a relationship with a liberal. lol
Women often complain that men just ignore problems and hope they’ll go away. My answer is that if something can be ignored, it’s not a problem. As a counter-example, if I just got hit by a bullet and I’m coughing up blood, that’s a problem.
Well…it’s all fun and games until someone asks for a divorce…learn how to engage your heart AND your brain when looking for your honey. Three are a few good points here, too much emotions driven ‘stuff’…do our self a favor and pick up:
How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk by Epps and save yourself a ton of wasted time.
The pic with the soldier and the leash is extremely offensive. Shame on you.
Correction on prev do YOURself a favor…
Nice article, fairly accurate on most accounts.
Most women generally want a guy that is mature both intellectually and emotionally, is able to listen and understand what she says and feels, is sensitive to her needs and has a good sense of humor.
None of these virtues are unreasonable, as a mature male adult ought find these abilities effortless.
Conversely, men want the same.
Most men generally want a gal that is mature both intellectually and emotionally, is able to listen and understand what he says and feels, is sensitive to his needs and has a good sense of humor.
Saying that women are more complicated than men — read “superior” — is trite sexist garbage that manages to be both feminist and traditional yet also serves to make me to dismiss and ignore the rest of the article. Good job.
Much of what I could say about this article has already been said. One thing that mystifies most women about men is our ability to shut off the noise in our heads. You see him sitting there just looking, seemingly off in another world. You ask, “what are you thinking?” After a pause, he says, “Nothing.”
You instantly panic. What is he hiding? What is he really thinking but hiding from you? Is it another woman? Is he planning to leave you? So many possibilities; all of them bad. Your life has turned to hell.
In reality, he was thinking of . . . nothing. Primitive man needed that skill to survive while out hunting. He had to be able to push aside distractions and be in tune with the world both for his success and for his safety.
A man hunting without modern weapons and advantages cannot afford to sit and rehash the fight you had last night or wonder why you wore leopard skins after Labor Day. Any man that stupid left the gene pool via a lion or bear’s digestive tract.
As the author said, stop overanalyzing men. Unlike you, when a man says he is thinking of “nothing’ then accept that is a fact. We are blessed with the ability to appreciate the wonder of silence.
“If the guy is really clicking well enough with you, he’s probably going to stick around regardless of whether it happens on the first date or your wedding day.”
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! WRONG ANSWER!!!! If you give away the milk, there’s no reason to buy the (cheap, easy and whorish) cow.
“Setting aside moral concerns for the moment”
???
Setting aside the moral concerns for a moment, adultery can be a fun and enjoyable pastime; just look out for those pesky hidden STD’s you may expose yourself to
“when you yelled at him last week, it reminded him of his ex — and he’s bored to death with you monotonously reciting to him what you did today”
So, 1) he’s been promiscuous with other women already, and 2) he doesn’t love you at all, he’s just using you (and will dump you when things get too “monotonous”)
“Of course, he’s probably not going to come out and just say that and after just a few dates, you won’t know him well enough to tell something’s wrong.”
Of course he won’t (be honest with you), as he doesn’t want to spoil all the sex he’s getting. Oh, but do continue to sleep with him, regardless.
“Not saying anyone’s right or anyone’s wrong with that, just noting a big mentality difference.”
Not saying anyone is right or wrong??? Welcome to the post-modern age of ambivalence, where there is no right or wrong, just differences of opinion.
Any woman who engages in premarital sex is a fool, and in addition is disrespecting her future mate.
“you’ll find that “masculinity” revolves around the same basic traits everywhere. Yes, they may express themselves a little differently here and there, but the themes are universal:
A) Being productive or having a lot of resources
B) Being capable of fighting
C) Being courageous and tough
D) Being able to attract women
E) Having status”
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Wrong again!
What men truly want / need is to be RESPECTED. If a woman consistently gives a man her respect (and behaves in a respectable manner, ie, not acting like a whore), he’ll be hers forever. All the things mentioned above are a means of obtaining respect from women. In a fully feminized world like the one we live in, men crave those things that they might finally achieve the one thing many women refuse them – respect.
“So, if a woman rips on a guy for not having money, being a wimp, being a coward, not being able to get women or please her in bed, or if she suggests he’s a nobody — expect it to be a BIG HAIRY DEAL.”
BECAUSE, she is disrespecting him!!!!!!
Duh?
I enjoyed the article. In in my 60′s, been married twice for a total of 40 years and single again. She couldn’t control her appetite for spending money and cashed in her chips. The beauty of being my age is that if I get involved with another woman again, I won’t put up with an emotionally out of control woman. If she has no more mental composure than that, or self control, I’ll walk, without any pangs of conscience. I give better than that and expect better and have no more time to waste on those types.