National Taste Test Results: Rich People Most Delicious When Cooked in Texas Style BBQ
People are fed up. With just what, we’re not quite sure, but probably their crappy lives. No one has yet definitively shown why the rich should be eaten, or how that’s helping people more than, say, eating cow. Some believe that if they eat the heart of a rich man they will receive the power and wealth of that rich man, but that has not yet been proven. Others say it is because hippies taste a little gamey. Notwithstanding this lack of consensus, the people are ready to eat the rich. All that remains to decide is how to prepare them. That is the question this taste test, and the country’s most talented non-rich chefs, set out to answer.
Shawanatisha James, after her welfare benefits were cut, fed her brood of 10 for a week on the meat from one Millionaire.
Entries were submitted in the spring and a panel of judges narrowed it down to the top 10 contenders, which were then featured at State Fairs around the country over the summer. Some of the favorites were: Millionaire Mussaka by famed chef Balthazar Democratoulos, Rich Bouillabaisse by Jean D’MonSocialistee, Moore’s Meatloaf by Will Fare, and of course the winner, Rich Belly Barbeque, by Houston Rib Shack chef Ike Wansamore.
Traditionally there are four kinds of Texas styles of barbeque, and Ike’s Rich Belly Barbeque reportedly follows the East Texas tradition of spicing along with slowly cooking the meat to the point that it is “falling off the bone.” Additionally, as its name implies, belly parts were used for their high fat and flavor content to add a richness (no pun intended) that was reportedly very appealing.
Slow cooked, fall off the bone, greasy, billionaire goodness.
Can we start with George Soros?
Better not, I’m pretty sure that you’d end up with a terminal case of diarrhea.
Even a shark would probably draw the line at eating George Soros.
Professional Courtesy, no doubt.
But seriously he would really old stringy and extremely poisonous
Hilarious.
More Sunny please
Reminds me of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” where his solution to the famine in Ireland was to eat the children. It also sounds like the only solution these protesters have on Wall Street. But what socialists and communists and anarchists never, ever, remember is that once you kill all the rich people, then the revolution will come after you, as was made perfectly clear in Stalin’s Soviet Union. Sure, eat them all, because they will be having you for dessert.
It is true that old hippies can be somewhat gamey, with an overpowering hemp flavor, however the young ones tend to be vegetarians. Now vegetarian, that’s good eating.
Or as my many-times great grandfather Oog used to say, “Neandertal, now that’s good eating.”
Vegetarians smell funny to me so I imagine they would taste funny too, but that is nothing a generous splash of Tabasco cant fix!
It depends on what they eat. Corn-fed vegans tend to taste better than grass-fed vegans, but with the price of corn being so high they’re more expensive. Be wary of the free-range vegans. You have no idea what they’ve been eating.
Wow! I laughed my hind end off, and then ATE IT.
A very satisfying bundle of yuks, this article.
Thank you, Sunny. Long pig can be very delicious. However, rich long pig should not have been political. Y’see, politicians are lying thieving bleepsacks. Political long pig tastes like bleep, no matter how it is cooked—even Texas-style. Sorry ’bout that. A word to the wise. Don’t eat politicians. Bleep is bleep. No getting around it.
Sunny, dear, after I wrote a previous post, something came to mind. Leonard Wibberley, in his great book, “A Feast of Freedom”, tells of a tiny nation in the South Seas. For some reason, the people on one of the islands ate the Vice-President of the USA. Washington sent the Pacific Fleet out there. Our fleet was fended off by that island nation’s navy, much to the surprise of our men. Bimeby, there was a trial over the eating of the VP; the defendants were easily acquitted. The opening of this tiny island nation were “Lily-skinned feller across the sea,/ I’ll eat you or you’ll eat me.” Wibberley, by the way, is best known for his works on the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, specially the Duchy’s great victory over the USA.
‘course, Cannibals don’t eat Clowns. They taste funny…
I was told that the CEO of GE had no backbone to choke on but his heart was made of stone. Obama thinks the successful should be removed unless they are greedy and underhanded like him. Sounds like he is pushing for all of US to be poor and under the government’s rule……OH Wait…isn’t that “One world order?” It also seems to me that the, well placed, socialist professors are brain washing our students to believe that spreading the wealth means that we will all be rich. The truth is we will all be poor, hungry, depressed, deprived of a life of freedom and the achievers, inventors, and the spiritual ones will be stripped of their finds and executed while the Big Brother (dictator) and his favored friends are rewarded with blood money and a life style built over graves of the innocent. Oh…isn’t that what George Soros is working on? And how many times has he been invited to the White House?
Spoiled young rich vegan liberals who live in their parents’ basements and are addicted to Playstation are the tastiest longpig of all. They are sedentary, which means they sit on their butts a lot. That makes their musclemeat soft, juicy and tender when you cook it up right. And they eat a lot of soy and tofu, which makes them almost as tasty as venison. Never eat an athlete or an active person. They’re tough, chewy, and quite gamey.
“When you’re online, nobody can tell that you’re a demon.”
Ghahan Wilson
My Grandfather being poor and living in the Deep South back in 30’s made Brunswick stew using a whole hogs head and cooked it in one of those big cast iron kettles.
So my question is that since I have gone to school and worked hard all my life and I am no longer poor can I make Brunswick stew using the heads of liberal elitists so they do not go to waste for serving no purpose like the hogs head?