The first leg on this journey is figuring out what the Ring represents in modern political discourse. Since the Tea Party is trying to cast it into the fire, it must be American government spending and debt (which includes deficits, of course). That would make Congressman Paul Ryan Frodo since he knows more about that burden than anyone; and thus Samwise Gamgee must be John Boehner because he helps Frodo and he cries a lot.
Merry and Pippin, the other two major hobbits, would thus have to be Mitch McConnell and Eric Cantor — although the thought of McConnell’s mug on a 1-meter tall hobbit frame is a nightmare on the order of Tolkien’s visions of massive tidal waves and giant spiders.
Who advises the hobbits — as well as the other characters in this conservative’s Middle-Earth? Mainly Limbaugh the Grey, sent by the Valar to contest the will of the Dark Lord by inspiring all Men and Elves via three hours of daily radio programming and special advisory scrolls known as newsletters.
He’s assisted in this role by our world’s Elrond — Charles Krauthammer.
Both urge resistance to the Dark Lord….wait for it…George Soros. (Sorry, making Obama the “Dark Lord” would not only send a thrill up Chris Mathews’ “racism” antenna, it would give BHO far too much credit.) “Soron” hopes to seize the Ring of Debt for himself in order to transform the Middle-west and the rest of America into Mordor with a view — also known as Greece. Soron is, however, a bit distracted at present with this $50 million lawsuit brought by a Witch Queen.
Obama, then, is relegated to the role of Saruman — trying to be in charge, hoping to seize the Ring for himself, but really only doing the Dark Lord’s bidding: undermining capitalism, hosting Haradrim religious dinners at the White House, and playing golf on Sunday mornings.
Hahaha! Excellent characterizations. Spot on!
Proud to be a Hobbit sympathizer!
My only objection is Boehner as Sam.
Sam is actually smarter than Boehner, and HE never wavers!
I’m not so sure Sam would have fallen for the debt-ceiling deal nonsense, and if he DID, he sure as hell wouldn’t have bragged about it later!
Five lembas cakes to the first person to tell us who are Treebeard and the Balrog.
treebeard is scott walker (attacking the libs in one of their hearts/backyards whilst they least expect it)
the balrog is valerie jarret
Correction, the balrog is Bill Ayers.
As a relic of the previous evil empire he’s as close a match as I expect to find.
The Balrog is easy: Rachael Maddow. Treebeard? hmmmm, well, hmmmm. Norman Schwarzkopf?
Andrew Breitbart would be our Treebeard, who, along with the other ents, will assist the hobbits in overthrowing Saruman/Obama’s nascent empire, destroying his minions in fierce battle.
The Balrog?
I might name Michelle Obama, except, of course, that the Balrog had a more pleasant personality. However, in keeping with Rush Limbaugh as Gandalf (and remembering that the Valarauko were originally of an equal rank with the Maia Istari), I choose Chris Matthews, who could only dream of beating Limbaugh at his own game. =^[.]^=
If I may answer my own question, Treebeard is Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, and the other ents are all the Republican governors fighting back against Saruman/Obama.
But there are female Ents, then? (Arizona, SC)
This site is a hoot. Love it.
Tolkien describes Balrogs as very ancient monsters, so what we’re looking for here is an elderly leftist of extreme viciousness. Noam Chomsky? Helen Thomas? Harry Belafonte? Jimmy Carter?
Helen Thomas as Balrog – that just fits.
No, Helen Thomas is Shelob.
not only ancient but to be feared as well
helen thomas is on the right track but i think ruth bader ginsburg is more appropriate
“Far below the deepest delvings of the dwarves, the world is gnawed by nameless creatures. Sauron fears them, for they are older than he.” Jimmy Carter is DEFINITELY the Balrog.
As for Treebeard, who goes to war with Sauruman to defend his trees, I think this has yet to be revealed. Hopefully the role will go to a Green Party Candidate who emerges to spoil 2012 for Obama (not a perfect analogy, but definitely funny).
What about Gwaihir the Wind Lord and his eagles, who don’t do a hell of lot, except pull major characters out of tight spots? Maybe Fox News?
And Tom Bombadil is Tom Coburn.
Hobbits to McCain: “We won”.
Treebeard aka Fanhorn was the leader of the Ents a race that shepherded the trees of Fanhorn forest. There are no female ents because they had left eons before. The nets helped defeat Sauroman the wizard at the battle for the White Tower.
A Balroq was an ancient demon. One was uncovered in the depths of the mines of Moria. Gandolf defeated him.
The Balrog= either Reid or Pelosi. Both ancient, both determined to destroy anyone who crosses them, neither one exactly a genius.
cheers
eon
Everyone agrees that Obama = Sauron, right?
No, as stated above, The One is more Saruman. Saruman, as Tolkien readers know, was absolutely convinced that he was smarter than everybody else- even Sauron.
Saruman was trying to “play both ends against the middle”, thinking he would come out on top. This is no different from the “Third Way” politics of Tony Blair, Gerhard Schroeder, et al., which Obama has (ostensibly) tried to emulate.
Of course, in Obama’s case, even his allegiance to a “middle ground” between communism and capitalism is a sham. He is too much of a dyed-in-the-wool leftist to do more than put on a facade’ of even European-style “centrism”- and he doesn’t wear it well.
Again like Saruman, his only real interest is his own advancement and self-aggrandizement, plus “getting back” at anybody and everybody who he doesn’t like. Like the American people, for instance.
However, Obama does differ from Saruman in one major way. When The One is thwarted, he tends to act like Gollum; reverting to rambling monologues boiling down to “We hates hobbits, we hates them, we hates them, yes we do, nasty, tricksy Hobbitttssss!!!!!”
The difference being that Gollum usually did his ranting behind a tree, not at a podium, on national TV.
cheers
eon
This entire piece (plus the comments!) is terrific.
And, THIS, in particular, is a superb analogy. Thanks, “Eon.”
We “LOVES” this!
No, everyone does not agree. For example, the author of this article, who cast George Soros in the role of Sauron, and then explained why.
The WSJ was more correct than they knew…in the episode from the books that didn’t make it into the movie, the hobbits banded together to drive out those who were ruining and despoiling their beloved Shire…
Ah, agreed.
I found that an important side-story left out of the motion picture. An interesting comparison being the Shire hobbits who’d not even realized there had been a great and age-changing war going on and our Fellowship hobbits returning in their battle gear to their homeland, ready to kick butt and take names – so unhobbit like.
Also, if I remember correctly, Tolkien has Saruman being called “the Boss” in ‘the scouring of the Shire’.
I would rather have a Mallorn seed!
A more interesting question? Who was Tom Bombadil? old Man Willow? What’s a barrow? Where did the hobbit swords really come from?
Good questions!
Old Tom, in this context, could be Darrell Issa, working to neuter Old Man Willow, the NLRB (and the unions, by extension), which has been attempting to entangle free labor and market forces. The swords of Westernesse which the hobbits found in the barrow (DC, itself, once a hallowed shrine of our Republic, but corrupted by the evil influence of dark powers) were forged specifically to fight such creatures as the Nazgul, and I see them as the collective Amendments to the US Constitution.
Now, who can name the lesser eight Nazgul (I think we already have our Witch King, Nancy P)? =^[.]^=
Cripes! Algore HAS to be in there somewhere! Or has he already assumed immortality as Manbearpig?
Rocketsurgin:
You can’t be “therial.”
Thuper therial, in fact!
The eight lesser Nazgul would be ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, CNN, NYT, WaPo, and LAT.
The eight lesser Nazgul would be ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, NYT, WaPo, and LAT. They owned the rings at one time; they had the power. But they surrendered their rings under the seduction of unified power, in the mistaken belief that they would be co-rulers. Instead, they have become toadies, exercising a will that is not their own.
But they are plague the land, their shadow is feared, they cannot die, but can be slain by one not man-born. (That would be Sarah Palin as Eowyn.)
this is a good one– i nominate it to the tea pary hobbit archive
Treebeard is Senator John Kyle r-Az. He is not running for
reelection so He has become a free agent. He is free to
legislate without influence from anyone.
Balrog ?? possibly represents the evil in the world.
I nominate Keith Olbermann as Balrog.
Now your insulting the Balrog
Olbermann the flaming and fallen loser, yes …
bolremnn, balrog, ….
I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the remote control. You cannot occupy my tv screen. Click.
I look at Ron Paul as Gollum/Smeagol. His Smeagle side is the domestic and economic ideas that are old fashioned, out of date, but not actively evil, but can not be trusted. His foreign policies notions, blaming US militarism for that which it never caused, is his Gollum side. Both contradictory policies are adopted with a view to get the ring, playing each in an attempt to fool different characters.
Smaug would have to be the Taliban/Al Qeada – primitive holdovers of a long-ago war holed up in caves far away from the real struggle. But, distant though they may be, their actions did kick off the most recent struggle.
Isildur would be George W. Bush, refusing to destroy the Ring of Debt when he had the chance, instead becoming smitten with it’s power and ultimately betrayed by it.
This gets better by the minute.
Obama is morgoth though the left would have us belive he is melkor. Pelosi is shelob, a hideous old thing in spider form.
Are Morgoth and Melkor Hitler and Stalin, who long ago were corrupted by desire for power. Melkor and Morgoth were different names for the same evil.
Does FDR gets to be Feanor? mislead by Morgoth, and who had his jewels, the nuclear secrets, stolen by Morgoth? Or so we make the Second Age WWII?
Tolkien wrote his First Age material based on part on his experiences in WWI. Verdun is destroyed, the northern fortress of the Elvish powers. As a Catholic he felt half elven, loyal to the Catholic French, looked down on by the Protestant English.
Minas Tirith/Gondor is a slimly disguized surrogate for Contantinopole, destroyed by Islam, with cooperation of Christian cannon manufacturers and Janissaries, the offspring of western men, enslaved by the Turkish powers. The Madness of Denothor was of a piece with the stand of Constantius Paleologus, who did off his badges, and led an counterattack into the breach pounded by Turkish cannon. LOTR is a eucatatrophe, a happy ending if Bulgaria had been loyal as were the Rohirrim, if the Western Empire/northern Kindom had arrived with help in time.
I have to complain about the choices in women.
Galadriel was one of the masterminds of the good guys. Her, Gandalf, and Elrond (Her son in law), were the keepers of the Three Elven Rings, and they were the strategic brain trust that guided the fight. Carl Rove or Lee Atwater are closest to her position in politics, unless there is a good witch hiding in a secret enchanted forest somewhere guiding the GOP’s war with the forces of “Progress”.
Arwen Undûmiel (Galdriel’s Granddaughter) has no equivalent in US politics. In the books, which is the only place that counts, she appears at a big dinner and hootenanny afterwards, but has no lines. Later she sends the future king his flag which she and her maidens made for him. When the war is over, she marries Aragorn. She never holds a weapon in the book. That is just Hollywood adding a woman hero where none was needed. The Elf Lord Glorfindel rescues Aragorn and the Hobbits when they are close to Rivendell. The men solved that problem all by themselves. (It was a different era, when men solved things the old fashioned way, with weapons and courage, and women stayed home and looked after the house and family.)
Clearly, Sarah Palin should be Éowen. Éowen describes herself as a “Wild shieldmaiden of the North”. She is a girl who prefers horses and the weapons of war to fancy dresses and soft living. When the Black Captain threatened to defile the body of her dead King & father, she killed him. If she had a chance to go caribou hunting, you can be sure she’d take it. She would get on well with the former Governor.
As for Hobbits and the Tea Party, they’d fit right in. The Shire was the ultimate small government state. They had one executive, the Mayor, who was also the chief of the Post Office and the Shirriffs, which were the local constabulary. The only had 12 Shirriffs and they mostly rounded up stray cows and returned them to their owners. The Army was volunteer and led by The Thain, a hereditary post belonging to the Patriarch of the Took clan. Everyone brought their own bows, arrows and food, and there was no public money spent on them. That was the whole government. Not having any taxes or regulation worth mentioning, they were prosperous. I am sure they would have laughed off and ignored any instructions from Minas Tirith telling them to switch to compact fluorescent bulbs.
The Hobbits lived the small government life the Tea Party dreams of. The WSJ was right, but for all the wrong reasons.
Spot on with one correction, Theoden is Eowens uncle.
Jon in Maryland,
At the risk of further exposing my own LOTR geekiness: it’s “Eowyn.” But good catch on Theoden–lots of folks (especially those who have not read the book) miss that he is her uncle, not her father.
Egad! Two mistakes. Both of which I should have known better than to make.
Éomer and Éowyn were brought to Edoras by Théodred after both their parents died, and treated both as if they were his own children, but in formal speech he did refer to them as sister-son and sister-daughter, they were the children of his sister. I was referring to the family situation when I referred to him as her father, which was the role he played in her life.
The spelling mistake is unforgivable, yet easy to make. “Wen” is the Sindar word for maiden and many of Tolkien’s women’s names end in wen.
And another mistake. This post is more midges than water. I think it is because I don’t have time to write, wait an hour and proof read.
Obviously, Théodred did not bring them to Edoras, it was Théoden.
Nice points, but another couple of slips to correct:
1) Arwen’s last name is Undómiel, not Undûmiel. It comes from Undómië, meaning “twilight”.
2) In the book, Arwen *does* have lines to speak. See “Return of the King” Chapter 6 (‘Many Partings’) where she speaks to Frodo, twice, and gives him her white gem upon a silver chain.
Thanks, did not have my Copy of LOTR handy
And another. It’s Éowyn, not Éowen. But great analysis otherwise.
You have confused Beltway Republicans with Tea Partiers. Ruined your own essay.
Obama is the Mouth of Sauron whose only skill is to give speeches. He speaks eloquently to confuse the masses into supporting his master while secretly despising them. In secret, he meets with the evil folk of Middle Earth to destroy the free peoples of the west. When he thinks, he has the upper hand he demands submission from his opponents with the imposition of cruel conditions and insults.
Beohner is actually Gollum. He once had the power, which he wielded for the ruling class republicans and now is held captive by the good Hobbits who seek to destroy that which he loves. While he will assist the tea party when it complies with his plans he has and will betray them in the end.
Congressman Allan West is Borimir, a brave and valiant warrior who is being tempted now by the ring of power and must reject it to save himself.
All the years I waited for LORD OF THE RINGS to become a really good movie,
there was this nagging fear that this would expose it to being pirated and trivialized for unworthy purposes, cheap shots.
That fear has come true. Shame on all of you.
Better not read the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious parody, then: Bored of the Rings. =^[.]^=
It isn’t bad enough that we’re called names by every nut on the liberal left. We’re called “Nazis, Brown Shirts, Un-American, terrorists, and hostage-takers.” Now we can add “Hobbit” to the list, and that’s from people who are supposed to like us, like John McCain.
Well screw all of them. There never would have BEEN a debt ceiling deal if it wasn’t for the Tea Party members of Congress. Obama would have simply raised the debt ceiling, like all the presidents before him, and nobody would have said a word. We would have added over two TRILLION dollars more to our debt and gotten nothing in return. If anybody around here thinks that’s a sensible way to run a government, then I’m proud to be a hobbit.
So to all you far-left cranks out there who want to keep calling us names, go ahead. It didn’t help you jerks in 2010 and it’s not going to help you in 2012. The early Christians were spat upon by the Romans, but the Christians remained true to their beliefs and prevailed in the end. Well, like those early Christians, we are holding true to our beliefs and we’re still here, and we’re not going anywhere. So deal with it, America.
Libertyship46,
I think you’re missing the point–my whole essay was an extended defense of, and apologia for, the Tea Party (and, yes, the GOP in general).
Kudos to all the clever posts above. Funny stuff. Can’t wait to see the remake (oops, I’m a hobbit, so I guess I am).
Truly a fun article!!
I don’t think Ann Coulter fits as Galadriel. Ann simply doesn’t DO that much other than carp.
As a guiding influence, Galadriel is better epitomized by a group like The Heritage Foundation
Behold how a half-decent analogy is beaten to death! I sympathize with Tolkien.
Back to my beloved “Hobbit” how wonderful to see a group that actually know something about the hardy little hobbit. A pox on John McCain who picked the wrong subject to pummel the people with. Tolkien fans go way back in time and gather new admirers of this particular literature as they have moved forward since the 1930′s.
STILL AROUND THE BEND THERE MAY WAIT
A NEW ROAD OR SECRET GATE……….
J.J.R. Tolkien
Good to see the fans here. Believe, Vote and Change
hello. substitute all the fairies required to maintain your sanity during democratic socialization. the Tea Party is trying to deal with reality.
Rollzone:
Your reference to “fairies” is a dead give-away that you’ve never actually read LOTR, or even seen the movies. But thanks for playing!
Sounds like Rollzone is a product of magical thinking. Big article on that last year. Yep, magical thinkers. Went to the voting booth and elected a man with zero skills at anything. Except flying on AF One and riding in a Mordor bus. Shaking my head in wonder. Working the votes for 2012 at my kitchen roundtable.
Amusing, but too strained. Obama is not Sauron! Sauron had power and could get things done because he knew what he wanted and where he wanted to go. Obama is clueless and has to rely on the orders given him by his owners (who might be compared to Sauron). Obama is not a principal, he is an agent.
That is why “Tea Party as terrorist” is so amusing. It is the left wing terrorists who own Obama and give him his orders who are the bad guys. Think back to the weeks of negotiations where Obama got on TV every day and delivered the same speech. If he had simply said, “for example, the USPS will cut 120,000 jobs and get out of federal pension plans to same x number of dollars and we are examining other similar cuts” the whole tone of the country (and S&P report) would have changed. His owners and his fear of the wouldn’t allow it.
Obama has hidden from us many things about his past, his place of birth, his educational records, his health records, who fathered Michelle’s two daughters (she will be pregnant again next year) and those who own him know the answers to these questions. He can’t dispute them.
No, Obama isn’t Sauron.
NCBob,
I agree–that’s why I took pains to make Obama Saruman, not Sauron. You are hereby assigned to go and actually read my piece.
Obama IS Saruman. I’ve posted about this elsewhere. Tim, I submit you missed a couple of substantive points in that comparison. Here’s my contribution.
The USSR was Mordor, its leaders collectively Sauron/Ringwraiths. It was defeated by a previous generation of hobbits.
The period we’re in is more like “The Scouring of the Shire”. DC is more like Isengard, whose current occupant was heavily influenced by Marxism, the evil product of the USSR. Similar to Saruman, Obama has lost almost “all power, save his voice that can still daunt you and deceive you if you let it.” (ROTK, “The Scouring of the Shire”) We’re partially like the Ents: we’re on the path of reducing him to complete powerlessness in 2012.
But Obama’s still in Isengard and like Saruman he’s sending his “gatherers” and “sharers” to enforce lots of new rules and redistribute our hard-earned gains. They’re “going round counting and measuring and taking off to storage. They do more gathering than sharing, and we never see most of the stuff again.” (ROTK, “The Scouring of the Shire”) So we will fight against that, like the hobbits did.
However, the damage will linger. (ROTK, “The Scouring of the Shire”) (Saruman:) “Still I have already done much that you will find it hard to mend or undo in your lives.”
No, I think “Mouth of Sauron” is dead on.
He’d been nothing but a mouthpiece for so long “he himself had forgotten” his own name. Kind of like Barack Barry Hussein Sotero Obama.
He just repeated the lies of his master, and the original would certainly have used teleprompters if they’d been available in Mordor. It’s obvious Obama never writes what’s on the teleprompters, otherwise, it wouldn’t be such a disaster when he goes off script.
He’s also a whiner “I am a herald and ambassador and may not be assailed!” contrast that with BHO’s continual ‘The Tea Party terrorists are holding guns to our heads’ All the while standing in front of a million or so armed orcs and democrats.
Folks,
Thanks for the comments (most of them kind) and suggestions.
But no opining on the best line in the piece: “I can see Valinor from my house”?
Perhaps more accurately… “I can see Mordor from my house”? Valinor was ‘Paradise’ after all, and Palin was talking about Russia.
Of course, you realize it was Tina Fey, spoofing Palin on SNL, who said she could see Russia from her house. Just want to keep the record straight.
Big Gene:
Of course–which I alluded to in saying it was NOT true that Arwen ever said “I can see Valinor from my house.”
Of course. I failed to make that distinction. Amazing how the left can put those stupid little ideas in your head. You know they’re wrong and yet…
Well, Arizonans? Are you pleased with yourselves now? Now that you’ve replaced Charlie Brown in the Lucy/football scene for evermore? I hate to say, “I told you so. but….
I TOLD YOU SO!!!”
His only heroic act was being shot down. Period. And that happened because he kept flying, even though he wasn’t fully healed yet, after he nearly sank his own aircraft carrier, being a jerk. He would have walked across hot coals straight to hell instead of going home to face his Pop and Grandpa, both actual war heros. It was a shame about the plane, though. Add to that the convenient “drop the old hag for the cute rich broad” transition, and I must ask: what do you people smoke out there? Maverick? My ass! Horse’s butt? Absolutely.
Oh, now that feels much better!
Great piece, by the way. As for me, Hobbits are nice, but I’ve always been partial to Gimli. Can you tell?
The man was a tortured POW. You should bear a fraction of the pain he did while at the Hanoi Hilton. Shame on you!
I agree, I dislike his politics, but there is no doubt he is an American Hero.
Not many know the history of J. McCain. Money keeps him in office.
Most of the characterizations are pretty good (Lefties should really work on their insults… hobbits, really?).
I agree that Palin should be Eowyn. She might not see Valinor from her house, but she could see Mordor from Gondor (Washington D.C., that is, from anywhere in America).
RebeccaH:
But Palin is not running, thus not in the fight–hence, she cannot be brave Eowyn. Say what you will about Bachmann, she’s take up her sword. Palin is still lolling on that divan, teasing us.
I know she’s not running, nor will she now that Perry is in. I was just referring to the characterization that best fits her. Still, this is a LotR campaign list, so I take your point.
This was more or less my take after hearing the original hobbit rip in the WSJ.
“Then Democrats would have no choice but to pass a balanced-budget amendment and reform entitlements, and the tea-party Hobbits could return to Middle Earth having defeated Mordor.”
By George, I think he’s got it!
Also, the one ring to rule them all is the Commerce Clause.
THREAD WINNER!!
You made my weekend.
Thanks!
I like the Isildur as W reference at the end. So, what would Reagan be? We’d probably have to break out the Silmarillion for that. Elendil?
joeindc44,
Reagan would have to be Eärendil.
McCain himself, then, would be Thranduil. Thranduil is the King of the Elves of Mirkwood– he appears in the Hobbit. Valiant, a good leader, well-liked, but when he actually shows up on stage kind of a grasping, haughty disappointment.
Thranduil locked up Thorin and the dwarves when they were escaping Mirkwood. He later marched on the Lonely Mountain… partly to aid the humans of lake-town, but mostly to make a grab for Smaug’s gold. The elves and dwarves were about to fight it out over the loot, when when the goblins and wargs showed up and they joined forces and had the Battle of Five Armies instead.
Also, both had annoying blonde daughters.
This is a great read and the comments are excellent! So many of these are spot on!
Sorry, I have to disagree. Palin is Eowyn, as I clearly explained here in February with the graphic assistance of Anna’s Clue Tank:
http://templeofmut.wordpress.com/2011/02/19/gates-of-mordor-report-todays-rally-of-tea-party-heroes-vs-union-orcs/
Anybody up for a “Bored of the Rings” by National Lampoon comparison?
“In the language of the elves he was called, “smuck and “pimple arsed git.”
“I see Sir Perry is sharpening up his putty knife.”
Toadold:
In his hand he carried an ancient and trustworthy weapon, called by the elves a Browning semi-automatic.
—Bored of the Rings, by the Harvard Lampoon
Love this thread Great to see so many knowledgeable fans of LOTR. I would say we are early in the third age.George Soros is the witch king of Angmar destroying the northern branch of the Dunedain while civil war rages in Gondor between the Tea party and the establishment Republicans.
Yes! and he could only be destroyed by a woman. We can hope the suit brought against him by his ex-girlfriend takes a healthy bite out of him.
I would also like to point out that WISCONSIN GOV. SCOTT WALKER IS ARAGORN, as I explained in this post:
http://templeofmut.wordpress.com/2011/02/18/aragorn-walker-battles-union-orcs/
As Bilbo Baggins penned in his book “There and Back Again” – Its no bad thing to be a Hobbit.
And no bad thing to be a Tea Party member either.
I think I’ll get a bumper sticker that says “Proud to Be a Hobbit”.
obama as Saruman….please!!!! He will never be smart enough to play that role. As I see it the only role he can play is a hobbit that likes to go on vacation and play golf. By casting him as Saruman you are insulting Christopher Lee. obama could possible play the fish that Gollum is trying to catch.
Lobeia Sackville-Baggins then?
Lobelia
I would post something clever, but I’m too busy lusting for the Silmarils.
Gollum is clearly Jimmy Carter…..
McCain is Gollum. Tempted by the ring (power from spending) and turned bitter and dark by years of exposure to it. Hates the hobbits (tea party) for attempting to separate from his precious.
gollum is a tough character to peg due to the complexity of the character
i suppose we could suspend disbelief for a moment to imagine john mccain getting his hands on some kind of obama care decoder ring that voids the entire bill since it cant be properly deciphered and translated for implementation
mcsmeagol then gets a heroic impulse to grovel off to the shores of the potomac in the middle of february swallow the ring then up and do a clean jackknife into the river
McSmeagol? I think that was a test-market McDonald’s sandwich for a few months back in 2002.
Huntsman as Faramir gives him a too-prominent role. He is really one of the Blue Wizards, who show up, and then wander off as ambassadors to the East. After that nobody cares what they did and they only warrant a footnote in the larger story.
Hunstman as Alatar or Pallando? Brilliant–especially considering one or both or them traveled far to the eastern regions of Middle-earth!
balrog?
hitlery of course.
the big boss eye guy in the big black fiery tower?
yeah, i wonder.
Ah, yes Strider. You forget he was reluctant to seek the throne and with it Isildur’s curse. For that fear he kept among with brethren rather than openly seek the road to Gondor. Yes, what fair ranger has the skills and experience to take us out from under the shadow of Mount Doom to rebuild a country?
That is the movie version. In LOTR Aragorn seeks to defeat the forces of Sauron and restore the line of Elendil in Gondor
The great eye? CBS of course…
One things for sure, Ron Paul is Wormtongue.
I’m in stitches over this thread, but then again I’ve been a hobbit and a conservative for years. Our daughters mostly escaped LOTR names, but my sweet blondie is called “Elanor.”
Aragorn is too amazing to be anyone I’m aware of now … He reveals himself when necessary, but somewhat reluctantly.
The hobbits are the real heroes, the quiet Tea Party Dads and Moms who throw Sharkey out of the Shire. But not all hobbits were so wise or so brave as the those in the Fellowship.
Coulter, Palin, Santorum and Krauthammer are definitely elves, though more Swanwick than Tolkien.
Great post here fellow commenters. Did not know so many Tolkien admires out there. Leave it to Liberal media to attack a Hobbit. The assignment of LOTR names to current political hopefuls and sitting congress critters is spot on. Anyone named Gollum yet?
The mob is the Balrog, a demon Maiar corrupted by Morgoth Sauron’s master, in the First Age of Middle Earth. They are not allied or controlled by Sauron and remain dormant and concealed. If unleashed though they can do great harm. The Balrog of Moria destroyed the richest Dwarf Kingdom in blind malice against the prosperity.
Debbie Wasserman Schultz is Grishnakh a lesser Mordor orc who covets Merry and Pippen. He comes off as a whiner while scheming to get the orcs to take the captives to Mordor. Grishnakh was easily vanquished when faced with a brave foe.
Robert Casey is a much better choice for Denethor, the misguided steward of Gondor. Denethor rejects the past wisdom of the west and falls under Saurons compulsion through a corrupted Palintir . He refuses to see the truth and despairs of victory. Casey refuses to see the truth in a haze of political correctness and hamstrings his forces with idiotic rules of engagement much as Denethor did.
The United States Military is the Armies of Gondor, a force serving with great valor, set against a horrid evil, and now nearly exhausted by incompetent leadership. Will we elect an Aragorn who will validate thier efforts and lead the U.S a> to victory?
Tom Bombadil? Dennis Miller, of course
Tom Bombadil?
Dennis Miller, of course.
Is it rude of me to say that Andrew Sullivan is in the Bored of the Rings parody, brandished by a narc?
It’s not that “they” don’t make them like Aragon anymore. It’s that we don’t raise them like Aragon. In order for someone to have integrity, honesty, courage and common sense they have to have some role models that model those behaviors.
Today we have absent parents, those who abdicated their responsibilities to schools and the government. We have drug addicted or drunken or sexually perverted relatives who twist and manipulate the young. Then there’s Hollyweird who’s never met a social ill it can’t exploit for it’s own reward. Don’t forget music with lyrics that even 50 years ago would have gotten the singer arrested, as well as the soft porn peddled in movies and books in the guise of mainstream fiction.
After all for us to raise an Aragon we’d have to, as a people GROW UP and take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. We’d also have to stop mocking those who chose to act like adults instead of 2 year olds. Not to worry, this is not going to happen in our lifetimes. As long as there are people like Sean Penn and Ron Paul around everything will pretty much stay the course.
Seanmahair,
“Aragon” is a former pre-Spanish Iberian principality. I think you mean to refer to “Aragorn.”
While I take your point about raising honorable and courageous children, it would be rather difficult for us to do so today even were were to adopt your recommended pedagogical model–because none of our children have Elven ancestors anymore. Alas.
McCain is Grima Wormtongue. From Wikipedia; “Gríma, son of Gálmód, was at first a faithful servant, but he eventually fell in league with Saruman, and from then on worked to weaken Théoden and his kingdom through lies and persuasion.
Tolkien describes him as “a wizened figure of a man, with a pale wise face, and heavy lidded eyes”, with a “long pale tongue”.
He was widely disliked in Edoras; everyone except Théoden called him “Wormtongue”, for his malicious words were like that of a serpent. Gandalf repeatedly compares him to a snake:
The wise speak only of what they know, Gríma son of Gálmód. A witless worm have you become. Therefore be silent, and keep your forked tongue behind your teeth. I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a serving-man till the lightning falls.
See, Théoden, here is a snake! To slay it would be just. But it was not always as it now is. Once it was a man, and it did you service in its fashion.
Yes. John McCain is Wormtoung! Could’nt get any better.
Sorry can’t spell this AM. “Wormtongue”. Get all aflutter when I read this site.
Soros as Sauron and Obama as Saruman. That actually works. It begs the question, though, of who would be Morgoth (aka Satan – Sauron is actually a demon).
Paul of Alexandria,
Thanks. But the answer is obvious: Karl Marx, Sauron’s master and mentor.
To the Hobbit admirers, do not give up hope of the Hobbit not being the hero yet. Another article has appeared on the scene to attack the dastardly Hobbit. CFP lead with a Hobbit story on their page today. Check it out and
give your input. It appears the Left and MSM hate the Hobbit more than a tea party person.
You are great posters Pajama guys. Always a pleasure to read and particpate.
xschild
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