HEY, FBI — DON’T YOU KNOW THERE’S A WAR ON? Apparently not:

Editor — Al Qaeda has the upper hand in the war against terror because the security agencies responsible for protecting us act like a bunch of sissies.

Case in point: I was recently hired for an FBI counter-terrorism position based on my ability to speak several foreign languages, my thorough knowledge of Middle Eastern culture and my extensive travel abroad. Each FBI employee who interviewed me told me, “We’re desperately in need of language skills.”

I’m a blue-blooded American, 44 years old, who has taught college several years for the Department of Defense, and I was excited my skills would be helpful in the war against terror. Then came the FBI’s lie detector test.

I admitted I’d smoked marijuana about 20 times when I was 18. I’ve never used drugs since. But within five minutes I was put out on the street.

I told the FBI agent who kicked me out that “I doubt very seriously that Bin Laden screened any of the hijackers for drug experimentation when they were kids.” The FBI agent confided, “You wouldn’t believe the number of super- qualified individuals we’ve turned away. Just last week we let go a highly qualified psychologist for the same reason. It’s very frustrating.”

Moral of the story: Don’t hold your breath for the FBI to save you.

Message to the homeland security crowd: If the war is important enough to justify a new cabinet-level department, sweeping powers for law enforcement, and (you know it’s coming) higher taxes, then it’s important enough to get rid of these pantywaist just-say-no rules. If it’s not important enough to get rid of those rules, then it’s not a war, and you guys need to turn in your badges.

Homeland security remains a joke, and the people in charge remain unserious.

(Via email from Stefan Sharkansky, who also has the letter on his blog, I notice).