November 1, 2012
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE — OF KASHYYYK: Last year, after getting hit over the head with heavy metal muzak in a New Jersey supermarket, I wrote:
Attention, ShopRite management: The Scorpions are a fine heavy metal group. They are not a fine example of supermarket muzak. The same can be said for AC/DC, the Georgia Satellites, and Elvis Costello, all of whom I heard while making a quick expedition to one of your stores today. Regarding Mr. Costello, “Pump It Up” is one of the finest songs about masturbation ever written; for that same reason, it is also not a fine example of supermarket muzak.
Plus it’s insulting to the musicians. How must it feel to walk out of a recording studio knowing that your group just nailed the dirtiest, nastiest, rudest heavy metal song ever recorded in the history of man, and then 20 years later hear it on the speakers of a suburban supermarket walking down the frozen food aisle?
Or worse, hearing it played at Disney World:
Allan Bloom, call your office.