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Dr. Helen

November 7th, 2013 - 2:38 pm

Suzanne Venker: “Mom’s Can’t Be Dads, Too:”

According to the Census Bureau, over 24 million children in America live in father-absent homes. The results are mind-boggling. “Virtually every major social pathology has been linked to fatherlessness: violent crime, drug and alcohol abuse, truancy, teen pregnancy, suicide. All correlate more strongly to fatherlessness than to any other single factor,” writes Stephen Baskerville in “The Politics of Fatherhood.

Fatherlessness hurts sons and daughters, of course. But I’m focusing on males for several reasons. (1) Our culture spends enough time on women and girls and not nearly enough on boys and men. (2) Males are different from females in that they have a propensity to act out on their personal pain, and society suffers as a result. Women’s pain is more internally focused. (3) Boys are ‘men in the making’ and are therefore harmed by fatherlessness in a primal and unique way.

UPDATE: Well, it looks like the tolerant folks at the “Good Men’s Project” took Suzanne’s piece down. I guess with a name like the “Good Men’s Project,” it was only a matter of time. Here is what they said:

Editor’s Note: We have removed the content of this article.

The content that formerly appeared here did not reflect The Good Men Project’s views or position and rest assured that we will work to ensure that a mistake like this won’t happen again.

Comments are closed.

Top Rated Comments   
And given the behavior of many women, those male role models are probably the actual biological fathers of the boys they are mentoring. And hubby is uninvolved with "his" kids because he's too busy working, having to pay for a stay-at-home mom watching TV and playing Farmville all day. Seen that in a number of couples. Then she complains he isn't "involved" enough with the kids because he's worn out.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
I totally agree with that assessment. It takes a man to raise a boy to be a man. This is something that women simply cannot do. A woman can raise a girl to be a woman though.

The problem here is the destruction of the nuclear family. When children are raised by a man and a woman, see how they interract, the children learn how to become men and women.

You can blame no fault divorce for the high divorce rate. Thank you, Ronald Reagan. But you can also blame the culture at large and the media as always.

When divorce is the preferred option for women's liberation, when the single mother is held up as an example of that liberation, when men are totally excluded, the children suffer.

My, what a mess the baby boomers have made of the world in their desperate quest for self-actualization.
24 weeks ago
24 weeks ago Link To Comment
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All Comments   (31)
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The site should have had a reciprocal "Good Women's Project" for counterpoint. One very critical counterpoint would have been: did the father voluntarily walk away or did the mother have something to do with it? Is he a 'Dead-beat Dad' or an 'Alienated Father'?

To not have a reciprocal 'Project' reflecting women's deficiencies is pure sexism.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
> ...and rest assured that we will work to ensure
> that a mistake like this won’t happen again.

Oh, good! So the GMPs are all committing suicide and going out of business then?
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
I enjoyed your performance on FOX with Tucker Carlson, Dr. Helen.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
Venker wrote: "I don’t think any woman should divorce her husband unless he’s a chronic adulterer, addicted to drugs, a wife-beater, or just a really bad parent..."

She's never walked in my shoes. Some father's are simply self involved narcissists who are apathetic about their kids. She should realize that if the dad is absent, women do what they need to do to ensure male role models that do 'get' their sons spend time with them. My boys have fantastic male teachers, coaches, neighbors and other men they've known for many years that have been terrific confidants and role models.

Of course they crave time with their dad, but if he's uninterested in their lives and unavailable, it's up to the mom to make sure they get what they need.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
I think one dynamic with men that is overlooked is that they understand 'agreeing' to have children is a pre-condition to marriage. "Don't like kids--see ya later." So a man fights his better judgment thinking he'll eventually warm up to the concept of fatherhood, but some never do.

I was always straight forward with women about not wanting to have kids--and that eliminated 90% of the field (if not 99%), but I didn't lose discipline like most men who didn't want to have kids. They relented.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
You make a very good point. I was very clear about wanting kids and he agreed but deep down his heart wasn't in it. I know he loves the kids but he'd rather have gone down a different path. And I certainly could've done without his years of acting out.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
There are other hidden factors, too. My father, for example, was the star quarterback in high school and college. That was back in the 1950's when football players played offense and defense--with very little head protection. He died in 2005 @ 71 years old.

The last 30 years of his life he was depressed and just 'marking time'. I think now my Dad had CTE. He probably took more big hits than most NFL players given the circumstances.

Was the father of your children heavily into sports as a young man?
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
And given the behavior of many women, those male role models are probably the actual biological fathers of the boys they are mentoring. And hubby is uninvolved with "his" kids because he's too busy working, having to pay for a stay-at-home mom watching TV and playing Farmville all day. Seen that in a number of couples. Then she complains he isn't "involved" enough with the kids because he's worn out.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
Yeah I'm sure that happens in some cases but that is not what happened in mine.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
I found the Suzanne Venker piece at A Voice For Men
http://www.avoiceformen.com/men/fathers/moms-cant-be-dads-too/
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
Thank you. I didn't get here prior to the GoodEmasculatedMenProject.com taking the article down.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
I read the article at the other link. I'm a bit confused as to why the article, especially given the company it would keep on GiMP.com, would NOT be welcome.

The idea that it's actually a front for Mz mag would really explain that. This article's rejection as 'not being in their standards' makes every other article on GiMP.com somewhat suspect. I don't need to read articles on fatherhood and masculinity from a censorial left, feminist approved filter.

Thanks, but no thanks.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
I've thought of writing a book called "Bad Mommas" that'd treat the mothers of these out-of-control males reared in fatherless homes as moral actors responsible for the horrors they're unleashing. It'd defy those who'd call it 'blaming the victim.' The victims are those being murders, raped, robbed and mugged by their ill-reared sons.

Alas, I don't remotely have the time or the expertise for such a book, But someone who does would delight many by taking up that worthy task.

Alongside that title should be one called "Males Not Men" that'd blast as worthless the males (not men) who're impregnating these mothers. Like Chesterton in his dealings with both militarists and pacifists, the two books would fire broadsides in both directions. Chesterton believe that militarist and pacifists cause wars because both believed that might makes right. One wanted to apply that might. The other didn't didn't want anything done to stop it.

I suspect it wouldn't be hard to find a similar parallel between academic feminists and ghetto males. Both believe child-bearing is a 'woman thing' only. A guy who can't prevent an abortion during pregnancy (the feminist POV) is quite a bit like the ghetto male who has little to do with the rearing of that child birth.

Steal those book ideas and run with them--please!

---Michael W. Perry, Chesterton on War and Peace





23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
The "Good Man Project" was hatched as a feminist-driven attempt to colonize the men's movement. They got their original funding from Ms. Magazine. At one point they were willing to print worthwhile articles and foster productive discussion, but the feminist thought police put the kibosh on that. If you look at Alexa demographic statistics, women are by far the majority of their readership now with a small male uncle tim contingent.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
Just looked at the site. Seems quite interesting, or not?
20 weeks ago
20 weeks ago Link To Comment
The presence of a "Social Justice Editor" kinda gives away the game...
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
I understand that before no-fault divorce, the customary way to get a non-contested divorce was for both parties to cite a fiction and the customary way for a wife to get a contested divorce was to simply say that her husband was cruel to her, swore at her etc. Whether it was true or not, that was the system, and everyone went along.

I don't know if that's any better than no-fault divorce. If she wants to get a divorce, she's going to get one. If she wants money out of you, and she sat on her butt and has no job skills for the real world, she's going to get it out of you whether she files fault or no-fault.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
Illegante, no fault divorce may have preceeded Reagan by fifteen years in some jurisdictions. I'm sure there movements to effect in some districts as part of the female liberation movement. But Reagan was the first governor to sign it into law for an entire state, California. Subsequent to that, governors in other states soon began to also sign it into law, until it cascaded nation wide.

Reagan signed no fault divorce into law because his first wife accused him of emotional abuse during their divorce.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
“Virtually every major social pathology has been linked to fatherlessness: violent crime, drug and alcohol abuse, truancy, teen pregnancy, suicide. All correlate more strongly to fatherlessness than to any other single factor,”


Perhaps those promoting this would like to do some, I don't know, science. So what are the factors that keep explains those who are fatherless who don't suffer from those pathologies. I can name four men who suffered none of those issues even though they had no father around. I am one of them. I suspect the correlation is fatherlessness and ???. Perhaps they should stop after confirming their bias and look into the ????.

I am so tired of this faulty assertion.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
I think the death by gun numbers in NYC, Detroit, and Chicago would be helpful data to add into your analysis blender.

What kind of male role models were present with you and the other 3 success stories? Did you have strong male mentors as teachers and coaches?
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
Statistics are wonderful for describing 1000. Not so wonderful for describing 4. That is science.

Trey
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
What's so faulty about it? He's not making an absolute assertion every major social pathology is linked to fatherlessness. He's also not saying that the correlation is perfect (1.0), or even close to being perfect. He's just saying that the tendencies are stronger. You and your acquaintances are part of the .05 or .01 significance factor.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
I know a fair number of men and women who have driven while drunk and haven't killed anybody. I guess there's no correlation there, either.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
So, because you and three of your acquaintances didn't suffer from the issues mentioned in this article, it's wrong? The millions of men and boys who did and do suffer from them are somehow irrelevant? You criticize the article and yet the only thing you can offer as far as what may be the issue is 'fatherlessness and ???'. If you're going to skewer the article, you might want to have something to actually contribute to the conversation.
23 weeks ago
23 weeks ago Link To Comment
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