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Dr. Helen

How Do You Break Years of Tradition?

July 4th, 2013 - 7:42 am

A military reader wrote me the following:

Dr. Helen,

I am a Lieutenant, submarine officer in the Navy. I’m currently on shore duty, working at a job with a number of both male and female civilian employees. Last week we had our department-wide sexual assault/sexual harassment seminar. It was never mentioned that 53% of all sexual assaults in the military happen to men. Instead, we were told treating men and women different in any way would be taken as sexual harassment. The first example mentioned was that if a man held a door open for a woman, we could be considered guilty of sexual harassment. I’ve been reading your book and it struck me how far the pendulum has swung, that even in the military, we’re now being threatened with charges of sexual harassment for doing a historically “gentlemanly” act.

How difficult it must be to stop and remember not to carry out an act that one has been doing for years: hold open a door and you are guilty of sexual harassment. Imagine if a woman was told to pay if on a date with a military man or she would be charged with sexual harassment if she forgets to pull out her wallet. It is unthinkable. We have traditions that have been years in the making; now, suddenly, if male, they are sexual harassment.

I sometimes wonder if the point of all this nonsense is to drive out the more traditional guys from the military who may be less “pro-Obama” and attract more PC types who are “pro-Obama.” It sure seems that way.

Comments are closed.

All Comments   (14)
All Comments   (14)
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I'm retired Army, I believe women should be registering for Selective Service. I also believe that Sentencing Standards should be the same for male and female criminals. That all forms of governmental support should be gender equal and that Family Court should be gender neutral. And, that a Gender Rights Act should be enacted. Women outlive men twice as long in this country when compared to world-wide statistics and that's no accident. Remember its "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness or the document offers alternatives to a government that uses death as a political tool. Put that in your protocol manual.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Navy Protocol Manual says the senior person walks through the door first, or the woman in mixed company. What I've seen around the Pentagon: Senior folks mostly walk through first, unless they take charge of the door on behalf of their folks (leadership). And among equal ranks, whomever gets to the door first opens it for the rest of the group. That seems to work fine.

It's possible that somebody could get tagged for S/H for opening a door for the wrong female, but pretty unlikely IMO.

Will protocol manuals be updated to reflect the new "now?" Probably. When's the last time a room of gentlemen stood up when a female entered the room, or sat at a table?

I'm more concerned about my daughters being forced to register for Selective Service.

Regards,
Navy Human Resources Captain, 25+ years
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I welcome the charge of sexual harassment for holding a door open for a woman. I agree with the Navy LT that that example of sexual harassment is ridiculous, but I'll take my chances. BTW - I'm a 20 year USAF veteran (1981 - 2001) and now work civil service. And the differences in what is and what isn't socially acceptable in the military over the above time frame is eye-opening.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I'm an NCO and have been in the military for 10 years. The cultural change within the services in just that time frame has been immense. The military has become one big social experiment with the feminists, the atheists, the PC crowd, and now the LGBT community all taking their turns forcing themselves and their agendas upon the troops. We all keep our heads down and press on because we can not, legally, publicly disagree with the policies handed down to us from our superiors. But, make no mistake, the military ranks are seething with anger and frustration at the battlefield losses of friends and fellow servicemembers from over a decade spent at war while the best our leadership can do is kowtow to every emerging social movement and ram yet another diversity, sexual harassment, or equal opportunity briefing, policy, or CBT down our throats.

An earlier poster was spot on by saying that the flag officers are the ones that have to navigate the political waters to secure DoD funding ... the trick is maintaining enough backbone to call BS on things and say no when common sense is being ridden over roughshod by a vocal minority intent on implementing its narrow agenda on a military largely powerless (due to civilian control) to resist them. Our flag officers have demonstrated no backbone lately. None. They acquiesce at the drop of a hat ... and it is having a disastrously demoralizing effect upon the rank and file.

With respect to the issue of women in the military, many of the posters here have touched on absolute truths about the realities on the ground of women serving in the military. If women want to serve, so be it, but they should be held to the same standards as the men and they are not. The quote from the sub officer does not surprise me in the least. To be honest, most of us (men) treat the women in my unit with a sort of benign indifference. We do not engage them or speak to them unless we have some duty related reason to do so ... the risks of being accused of something are just too high ... and an accusation is all that is needed these days to ruin your military career permanently. It is just a rational response to the risks involved. I, personally, have not deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan four times, risking life and limb and losing friends in the process, to come home and forfeit my career because one of the young enlisted women decides (due to some briefing she was given by an overzealous SARC officer) that when I looked at her I made her feel sexually threatened. In response to the risks associated with nonsense such as this, and believe you me it happens all the time, I neither look at nor talk to the women in my unit unless duty requires it. If speaking honestly, many other military men will tell you a similar story. This is what our once strong and proud military has been reduced to ... but that was probably the plan all along ...
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
All you can do today is disengage to the extent possible. Actively taking a stand against a policy or an individual woman will simply put you through the meat grinder. It's really that simple. Men don't speak up because they don't dare speak up. They will simply be smacked down, case closed.

And unfortunately, that is brought about by chivalrous men above all. It's becoming clear to me that they are the real enemy, not the feminists. Feminists would be a laugh number without any power if it weren't for chivalrists like Joe Biden or Tucker Carlson.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
When you are being threatened with a sexual harassment charge for the cardinal "sin" of simply acting like a well-raised, well-mannered gentleman, then you KNOW pendulum has indeed swung WAAAAAAY over to the other side.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I would get out, now, sir. The inmates are running the asylum. The people making the decisions are the ones who are determined to use the false flag of "equality" to destroy everything, and make everything that was great as miserable and conflict ridden as possible. They did it to men and families, and these Marxists are coming for the military, next, and in full force. Do not expect fair, rational treatment, due process, rules of evidence, or honor and integrity - those things are gone. Expect despotic mob rule, arbitrary decisions in favor of those in the politically protected classes. Do not expect a meritocracy.

Come join us in Galt's Gulch.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I see. Since I open doors, or at least hold them open for men (as well as women) who are following me, I guess that makes me an equal opportunity sexual harasser.

The bureaucratic hives, and their obeisance to Jezebel-styled mores, are deranged. I don't feel so great about turning our military into just another feminist bureaucracy.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Maybe the military men can express their opinion of these new rules, and open doors and stand up when they are with other men -- and let the door swing shut on the females and not bother to so much as look up when a female joins them at mess. But I suppose that's a career-ender too, because demonstrating the absurdity of absurd rules will be less than endearing to one's promotion board.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
My brother served in the Navy on a nuclear submarine in the 80s. He was an electician. Now, to my knowledge, there are no women on submarines, because of the close quarters. But he told me that at port or on the base a sailor could always find a girl who would perform oral sex for $5.

Now, is that sexual harrassment or predatory prostitution? I mean, think about. Sub duty is three months underwater in a tube, and then three months of leave at the base, alternating. I couldn't do it, no way. Three months on a submarine, six months a year for four years. It would drive me nuts. And actually it did drive my brother nuts. He's a prankster. Once a sailor made the grave mistake of saying that the 85 Bears were the new America's Team. My brother knocked him out, duct taped him to a metal chair, and put him in an elevator going up and down.

That's the kind of stuff that happens on submarines. Months at sea, weeks underwater, no sunshine or fresh air, close quarters, an all male crew, things are going to get weird.

So when these guys get back to port, you can bet your bottom dollar that the first place they're going is home to their wives or their girlfriends or to the first female sailor they can find who gives blowjobs for $5. I suppose that getting laid would cost 10x that.

Illegal irse a casa is exactly right. Women join the armed forces for the benefits, like the GI Bill. But once they get deployed, get shot at, have bombs or mortars dropped around them, actually see what military duty is really about, they take the easy was out, get pregnant and take the first plane or ship back to stateside, take a desk job. You'd be surprised how often that happens.

But these men are stupid and reckless. Now he's on the hook for child support for 18 years, for a quickie on the battlefield. That's got to suck. She didn't love him. She just wanted her ticket home. And he gave it to her.

I understand the extreme stress in high pressure combat situations. You never know from one day to next whether you're coming back alive. And when a woman offers you relief, most men are going to take it. One last chance to get laid, before you die tomorrow, are you kidding me?

The women know this, and they exploit it to their advantage. If that isn't sexual harrassment or predatory prostitution, I don't know what is.

She's got her baby, she's got her ticket home, she's got her benefits, she's got her child support, and the guy is left behind to get shot at and blown up.

The real problem here is with the law, because that's what creates the sense of entitlement these women feel and the culure they thrive in. I can't speak on the military code of conduct, because I was never in the military. I actually wanted to join the Marines, but my father wouldn't let me. No, he insisted that I be the first man in my family's history to graduate from college.

So I did. I suppose I could have joined after I graduated, gone into the officer's corp, but I decided to become a teacher. I was teaching junior high while my brother's submarine was doing reconnaisance for the bombing of Khadafi's house.

Strange how that works out, isn't it? But based on what he's told me, the situation in the military is no different from the situation in education. Talk about sexual harrassment claims.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I am a retired reservist. I spent several years on active duty, then several more in the active reserves, including being recalled for Desert Storm in a command position. I retired as a senior officer.

The DoD has to be funded. Flag officers are responsible for getting the funding. As such they are politically astute. Being politically sophisticated and committed, personally and organizationally, to ultimate civilian control, they vacillate with the fads of the day.

Women do just fine "in Barracks", with the Mall close at hand. Many love getting their tomboy out. Young women officers are in a target rich environment.

What DoD does NOT do is tell you the truth about what really happens in the field. The cover ups are huge. The first lie is the implication that 'sexual harassment' is greater than in the general public. Ha. It is less so, but because of the discipline and unit integrity of the armed forces, it is easier to see and challenge.

Other lies, in Desert Shield/ Storm, no woman left home pregnant. The last thing the ladies did before boarding the airplane was pee on the stick. Yet the pregnancy rate, in theater, was 2 to 3 times that of the general population. It was NOT assault/ rape/ harassment. It was that when the realities of 20 hour days, 7 days a week in the heat and sand and grime kicked in, it was the quickest way to get a ticket home. The strain on the remainder of the unit was immense.

Within the last year, in Afghanistan, a mixed battalion reported an STD rate of over 90%, including the female sergeant major and some officers.

The stories and covered up problems are legion. No one is willing/ able to ferret it all out and publish.

Folks, in every war the beginning is bloodier than the middle and end. Mistakes and eliminating the incompetent, are the cause. When women in combat are getting their mates killed, for whatever reason the troops will fix the problem. Soon the men, for boys have long since matured, will have lost patience. It will be bloody.

Hopefully we can stand the first months...
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Quite a few years ago now I went as a journalist I went to cover a story about how a British Yeomanry Regiment (sort of a cross between your Reservists and National Guard) now had women serving in it. At the end of the evening I was in the Officer's mess talking to young women Lieutenants when the Colonel of the Regiment came round to bid everyone goodnight (a formal ritual in the British Army), As junior officers both ladies jumped up and stood to attention. The Colonel, like most military men, came from a background where gentlemen stand for ladies and definitely not the other round was evidently still not used to this situation. Both ladies took his confusion graciously. These things can be managed in a good humoured way.
Then again all the male officers, non-coms and privates I spoke to that evening admitted that they had been wary of serving with women at first but it was working well. It worked well because everyone accepted that men and women are different.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Regiments are about war. In Barracks stuff fit women nicely. The officers and men are neat and tidy and responsive to both rank and chivalry. And that is what women in the forces want, a neat, well organized home, where as they gain rank, they rule.
Then comes the war.
Every generation has one. Or two. Or more.
The hard men, waiting patiently until called, fight, win and survive.

KNOWING HOW TO BEHAVE AT A REGIMENTAL DINNER AIN'T WHERE ITS AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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