Years ago I bought some men’s magazines, just to see what they had to say. You know, like Men’s Health, GQ, Details, and such. The first had some good advice on exercise, the latter were, to be quite frank, gay.
If you want to be a metrosexual, read a men’s advice magazine. If you want to be a depressed woman, read a women’s advice magazine.
The problem here is parenting. Only a man can raise a boy into a man. Only a woman can raise a girl into a woman. But a boy benefits from his relationship with his mother, just as girl benefits from her relationship with her father. It takes two, a man and a woman, to raise men and women.
Advice magazines are for losers. And you certainly can’t trust the public school system to raise your children, any more than you can trust the government.
But I’ll tell you what, my father never whipped me. He would smack me upside the head when I was disrespectful or out of line, but he never whipped me. But my mother, when I got expelled from kindergarten for shooting this stupid kid for trying to take away my spy kit, or when I peed on the neighbor girl because she hit me with a 2×4, man, she took a belt to my ass and grounded me for a month. I had one grandmother who would grab me by the ear and make me run around the house or mow the lawn with a push-mower. I had another grandmother who would just laugh and give me a hug, then feed me cookies, cakes and candies.
That’s what’s missing today. And I don’t know if we will ever get it back. Of course, that was way back in the 60s, which was what two or three generations ago.
I agree parenting is key. As a single mom I read as much as I could find and one book that I embraced was “Raising Boys” by an Australian named Biddulph (can’t remember his first name). He had fantastic advice, much of which I have followed. Especially helpful was the advice to find various mentors for my sons. They now have many wonderful adult males in their lives (teachers, coaches, etc.) that they can learn from.
I agree there’s a problem with advice columns, though. In real life, boys (and most men I know) don’t ask for advice formally. Boys discuss life’s problems while they’re busy doing other things! This is why the relationships are more important than any books or magazines full of advice might be.
I’m a big believer in the “invisible hand.” People are pretty good at figuring things out, especially things having to do with their own happiness. How men manage the happiness-generating asset that is their own human capital is driven by market conditions for their particular asset. That men are now discovering their inner boy, marrying less, studying less, working less, and playing more is simply a reflection of individual, market-based choices in a world that doesn’t reward men for traditional selfless behavior. Taken collectively, this is an important feedback mechanism. In the long-run, it is just this sort of re-allocation of male capital away from traditional pursuits that will force a rethinking of the new, progressive order (and precisely the reason Bill Bennett’s “man-up”... (show more)
Dear Helen,
I’m a big believer in the “invisible hand.” People are pretty good at figuring things out, especially things having to do with their own happiness. How men manage the happiness-generating asset that is their own human capital is driven by market conditions for their particular asset. That men are now discovering their inner boy, marrying less, studying less, working less, and playing more is simply a reflection of individual, market-based choices in a world that doesn’t reward men for traditional selfless behavior. Taken collectively, this is an important feedback mechanism. In the long-run, it is just this sort of re-allocation of male capital away from traditional pursuits that will force a rethinking of the new, progressive order (and precisely the reason Bill Bennett’s “man-up” advice is so wrong-headed). Even Freud had trouble figuring out what women want. However, I think it is fair to assume that the new order with its spinsterhood and, if they can find a donor, the drudgery of single-parenting is the last thing they want. Now we just have to wait – and enjoy the decline, if we can, while doing it.
We don’t really need Clarey to tell men to do what the Census, other demographic studies, and a wealth of anecdotal evidence tells us many men have already figured out for themselves, though I appreciate his making the effort and, of course, I loved reading “Enjoy the Decline.”
As for those boys Clarey was writing about, I’d imagine they had already figured much of it out for themselves – that’s what drew them to his website in the first place - and those who hadn’t would have figured it out soon enough by themselves. He is, of course, correct that men need to be honest and forthright (two things men are particularly good at) about the consequences of the new female-centric rules when speaking with other men and, particularly, with young men and boys. I do my part, as best I can.
Finally, I think there is one and only one thing men of this new era need: effective, self-administered birth control.
Sincerely,
Walt
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12 weeks ago Fri Feb 22 12:34:20 PST 2013 1
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Years ago I bought some men’s magazines, just to see what they had to say. You know, like Men’s Health, GQ, Details, and such. The first had some good advice on exercise, the latter were, to be quite frank, gay.
If you want to be a metrosexual, read a men’s advice magazine. If you want to be a depressed woman, read a women’s advice magazine.
The problem here is parenting. Only a man can raise a boy into a man. Only a woman can raise a girl into a woman. But a boy benefits from his relationship with his mother, just as girl benefits from her relationship with her father. It takes two, a man and a woman, to raise men and women.
Advice magazines are for losers. And you certainly can’t trust the public school system to raise your children, any more than you can trust the government.
But I’ll tell you what, my father never whipped me. He would smack me upside the head when I was disrespectful or out of line, but he never whipped me. But my mother, when I got expelled from kindergarten for shooting this stupid kid for trying to take away my spy kit, or when I peed on the neighbor girl because she hit me with a 2×4, man, she took a belt to my ass and grounded me for a month. I had one grandmother who would grab me by the ear and make me run around the house or mow the lawn with a push-mower. I had another grandmother who would just laugh and give me a hug, then feed me cookies, cakes and candies.
That’s what’s missing today. And I don’t know if we will ever get it back. Of course, that was way back in the 60s, which was what two or three generations ago.
I agree parenting is key. As a single mom I read as much as I could find and one book that I embraced was “Raising Boys” by an Australian named Biddulph (can’t remember his first name). He had fantastic advice, much of which I have followed. Especially helpful was the advice to find various mentors for my sons. They now have many wonderful adult males in their lives (teachers, coaches, etc.) that they can learn from.
I agree there’s a problem with advice columns, though. In real life, boys (and most men I know) don’t ask for advice formally. Boys discuss life’s problems while they’re busy doing other things! This is why the relationships are more important than any books or magazines full of advice might be.