The non-legal standard I’ve heard most often applied to the question, “was it rape?” was “did you want it? if not, it was rape”. There are of course varying legal standards, but the psychology is about consent vs. coercion, and thus ultimately about power. I think Mike’s situation was clearly rape, and the woman knew it when she did it. Like most male rapists, she probably was aroused by the control as much as anything.
I believe that not only can a man be raped by a woman, but that it raises psychological issues peculiar to males. Mastery of his environment is a strong male trait, and many men judge their “maleness” by their assessment of how well they can control that environment. An erection is a physiological response to stimulation that can occur separate from a man’s emotional choice about a situation. A man who is raped has had his choice taken from him and his sense of maleness violated. In addition, his own body has betrayed him by “actively” participating in something he didn’t emotionally want to do. The sense of a lack of control would be compounded by confusion and guilt. I would think that is a potent and vicious cocktail of feelings.
I had a conversation like this 20 years ago with an FBI agent and a former police officer, both males, who laughed at me when I said it was possible for a man to be raped by a woman. Thus I’m not surprised by the response here. I’ve been teaching criminology off and on for the past 15 years, and whenever rape is discussed I make the point that men can be raped by women. I emphasize the psychological harm it can cause. And I point out that non-consensual sex is rape regardless of who is controlling the situation, male or female – even if it doesn’t meet a strict legal definition of rape.
