You always hear a lot about “moderate” Muslims. I always thought this was like trying to convince people that there are open-minded Ku Klux Klan members, but, hey, I could be wrong. Anyway, I heard all three of these “moderate” Muslims got together for a convention in Islamabad, Pakistan, and they decided at the end of the conference to keep their mouths shut because they were afraid of being executed by the Taliban if they dared speak out. They also decided to take out their frustrations by going home and beating their wives and blaming them for wanting such unbelievable “rights” like driving a car, going to school, or NOT having to go outside dressed like a lamp shade. But these three brave “moderates” decided to cheer themselves up after this letdown by watching some good old-fashioned Jew hating on Al Jazeera, followed by a public stoning of a gay man. Then, to cap off the day, they would be attending the wedding of one of their friends, a nice 47-year-old man who was marrying his 12-year-old cousin. They brought their wedding presents with them (four goats and twelve chickens) and had their wedding reception in a cave. Yes, it turned out to be a great day after all, except for the odd Predator drone missile strikes every now and then. But in everyone’s life a little rain (and missiles) must fall, right? When thinking about these “moderate” Muslims that people like Tom Friedman always seems to talk about, I wonder what Islam’s excuse was in attacking American merchant ships off the Barbary Coast in 1800, starting America’s first major overseas war? Israel didn’t exist then, so I guess we can’t blame it on the Jews. Nope, Islam and Muslims just hate anybody who’s not like them. And instead of blaming their many failings on their own greed, ignorance, and superstition, they need a scapegoat, so they blame everybody else, be they Christians, Jews, Hindus. But maybe we’re approaching this in the wrong way. You think if we give each Muslim a goat or a chicken, they’ll like us then? Don’t count on it.
