Unexpected heartbreak, 20/20 vision, and red flags? Balderdash. Youth is too fleeting to figure such things out any more than adults read Shakespeare: “Romeo, oh Romeo….deny thy father, and refuse thy name.”
“Fatal attraction” exists since OPPOSITES ATTRACT, but often, instead of orbiting one another to form an atom, they destroy one other.
Personalities should not be TOO much different, or you are dating an alien. But COMPLEMENTARY difference is the spice of romance. A Banker and the Showgirl. An Architect and a Nurse.
Sparks wrote: “With 20/20 hindsight, I know realize that all of this makes perfect sense, and WOW, the signs were all there right from the beginning. She wanted a dad replacement, or a big brother and didn’t want to emotionally invest in me. She needed somebody to take care of her, but I was looking for an equal partner.”
You failed, for not dominating her enough, because women will not TELL you what you are doing wrong. They are so deceptive they don’t even know when they are fertile, for 14 hours a month.
Lacking traditional role models, we lack THE traditional conflict-avoidance mechanism of all social animals: UNQUESTIONED STATUS-DIFFERENCE AGREEMENTS. Instead of a display of a man’s willingness to either leave or kick a girl out (or in old religious books hit her with a stick), he has NO LEVERAGE except to end the relationship, but ALAS that leaves him older and broken hearted (confused).
What male has even the time to date more than one woman these days? Yet I played *that* game for a decade, and it WORKED, for the 17 years my latest domestic fling. But it was like chess, and the phrase “tight game” eventually eluded me. I got soft, focused on business, fell into monogamy and the PUSSY WHIPPING ATTEMPT of the new century hit both me and my business like an almost literal ton of bricks.
Since the tradition of male dominance has been ridiculed, suddenly couples must indeed play untrained chess together, every week of every year. EVERY decision becomes a debate. This drains the power of both the male and female.
Once you learn to keep a mate, you don’t see “red flags” in a new lover, for one in our lap is better than two in the bush, and for a woman, a truly hard man is good to find, so at times RED flags are the only signs we get, for the alternative is a universe of gray flags constructed of variously vibrating colorless atoms. That’s the world of playing it safe.
The Internet should have solved this, but ironically made it worse. Why? More like…HOW? By removing the need for a man to show testicular fortitude in order to say hi to a cute woman, surrounded by dorky men, in PUBLIC.
But the real problem with the lack of a traditional barbaric caveman taking home nubile (loyalty lacking) “booty” after a raid is that without clear ROLES to play, both men and women tend to revert to INFANTILISM in their relationships, meaning they act like babies who throw temper tantrums to HAVE THEIR SIMPLE THOUGHTS READ (sweetly warm feeding or butt wash), so they become VERY upset when their mate is unable to read their mind, and thus extremely confusing fights ensue, eventually turning into fights-about-fights, with no recallable topic when the sun comes up.
Therapy usually makes this worse because feminism and political correctness destroyed psychology, meaning any man who tries to assert even benevolent dictatorship is labeled as abusive and thus destroys the relationship, since only loss of temper is noted (people with testicles tend to do that) but EMOTIONAL ABUSE is not noted. As a rule though, now that I’m older, I state my theory that the CALM one in a relationship is usually the abusive one, meaning the CRAZY one.
