Let’s see if I can address Heather, who BTW made me think about what I was trying to convey. When I was talking about an average joe, I was referring to a guy who I consider average, and that is a guy who is average looking, has a good personality, is a gentleman, has a consistent job, and wants to be married to a woman with similar traits. Heather, I do understand everyone has flaws and I am increasingly aware of flaws I have. When I was married, and still now, I was primarily interested in personalities versus looks, but it just so happened that they were attractive physically too. What threw me back was when a difference of opinion occurred and we talked about a resolution that supposedly would satisfy each of us, she, I assume, was really not satisfied or it injured her in some way. To her I was not totally ‘in to her’ anymore and things (daily life) seemed to become more tense. Things I said were seldom passed off as general communication, they were scrutinized to see if I was placing blame or objecting to her thoughts and feelings. It seemed like 100% her way was the only acceptable way and there was not even an option to discuss it. Not only that but these rare things never were forgotten, they were stacked and accumulated until she felt I never cared about her. That was the farthest thing from my mind, both marriages I was very in love and thought the world of my wife. I honestly wanted very little, very little acceptance and understanding of different thoughts and feelings but I was never afforded that. It was like if I thought or had feelings different from hers that I was against her. Believe me, that was not even close to the truth but no matter what I said, what I did, she would not believe me. larry.r.anderson
@lmco.com. I have searched to see maybe my approach was wrong and analyzed this to death. I still don’t understand how to prevent it. There is still a strong desire to be married to a woman who would be my best friend. I do think it is possible but there is a fear that history will repeat itself. Am I too nice?, probably!! and I don’t know how to change that.
