I think a more subtle answer to this problem is that men, by and large, don’t read these kinds of “how to” articles. The self-help genre is almost entirely aimed at women, and (in my experience) seems to aim at what I call the “Oprah demographic”: women who have been convinced that they *must* be special because, well, Oprah says they are. These women also tend to be in the mid-thirties to mid-fifties bracket, and most women seem not to understand that a man is taking on a huge burden when entering a relationship with a woman in this age range: she probably has children already in their teens, an ex-husband who may nor may not be a jerk, and the whole family tree of the ex whom you will now have to deal with at family events and holidays. And this doesn’t even include the financial aspect — many women think of relationships in terms of what *they* want, not what is beneficial to both parties.
It’s no wonder that men are simply staying single. I made that decision myself after my divorce. I’ve been in two serious relationships since, and both women seemed flummoxed that I had self-interested reasons for remaining single. What’s in it for me?, I’d ask them, and they’d go blank. Love and companionship are wonderful, but frankly I can get that without marriage, and not have to worry about losing half my stuff in a few years when my new wife begins to feel “constrained” again.
And there’s the fact that women want you to “share” things with them: cultural events, flea marketing, dancing, whatever. Which is great; most men are willing to do that to keep the peace. But many women don’t seem to be willing to reciprocate. They sniff at things like sporting events and video games as being “adolescent”; they find camping and fishing “icky”; they are bored by technology. (Obviously this is an inaccurate generalization — many women love these things. But they seem to be underrepresented in the divorced-female demographic.)
Let’s face it: in today’s society, a man gets married almost in defiance of his own self-interest, especially if it’s to a woman who already has a family with someone else. It’s a grotesque risk on the man’s part — financial, emotional, and mental — with few commensurate rewards.
If women can’t answer the question “What’s in it for the man?”, then they shouldn’t be surprised that men aren’t rushing to the altar.
