Ask Dr. Helen: Do Husbands Owe Wives Post-Childbirth ‘Push Presents?’
Allow me to play the anthropologist for a moment and point out that bestowing lavish presents on the new mother is probably one of those things we do to insure the survival of our species.
Prehistorically, all of the women in a band would have participated in the butchering of the mammoth and, through their efforts, each would gain claim on a share of the meat for her family. However, the woman with a newborn could not fully participate in the mammoth butchering because the newborn places a considerable demand on her time and efforts. The woman with a newborn could not ‘earn’ her share.
But it would not be in the interest of the long term survival of the band to allow her and her family to starve, no matter how hungry the families of the other women who actually butchered that particular mammoth.
What to do? Well, those aboriginal bands that survived to spawn us developed the idea of the “baby shower”: ‘We’ll set aside a portion of the mammoth for her family even though she didn’t help. In return she’ll be expected to contribute when we have babies.’
The “push present” — special gifts from the husband — can be similarly explained. The husband who brought home extra tasty morsels for his wife and newborn insured that they had suplimental nutrition during a physically trying time.
Thus, I’d suggest that bestowing presents on the new mother — and the new mother expecting and demanding presents — is deeply rooted pro-survival behavior in our species. It might be as close to an “instinct” as Homo sapiens has.
Of course nowadays the new mother can’t survive without a nice pair of diamond earrings…
