“I lose an argument by being bulldozed by some apparently dense blowhard. But then later, sometimes moths later, I hear my own point of view being expressed as if it originated in the other guy’s mind. I can tell this is happening when I recognize my own vocabulary, the particular combination of words that was so difficult for me to contrive in the first instance.”
I’ve met plenty of bulldozers, the male and female variety. Most of them are not necessarily “confident” in their position, but confident they can shut down an argument by being the loudest and longest.
Most of them, I find annoying and not worth the time to try to convince, but this comment above is sometimes right on the money.
One of the most annoying “bashing the argument into the ground” people is my brother. He often “wins” arguments with just about everyone because he simply will not give up or shut up long enough for anyone to get a word in edge wise and, if they do, he simply responds by cutting them off and talking louder and longer.
Recently, we were having a discussion about why oil prices were high. He talked about war, I talked about expanding economies, decreasing output, damaged infrastructure, etc, etc and he simply kept claiming, louder and longer, that it was the war and Bush’s cronies who kept the price high to get rich. Over and over again. Finally, I gave up and walked away.
Three weeks later…we were at a BBQ with friends where someone argued his point that it was war and get rich fat cats…next thing I know, my entire argument about the myriad of things that are causing rising fuel prices came pouring out of his mouth.
I came to realize after many years of dealing with this phenomena that this is really an issue with people, of either gender, who have to insist that they are right, even in the face of actual facts. They can’t “lose”. These kind of folks just get lucky because, as one other commenter noted, most people are not so invested in an argument that they are ready to spend hours trying to get their point across in something they decide is a losing battle. Most arguments, such as one over the historical significance of this or that moment, are simply not worth almost coming to blows or any other extremely loud and disruptive event.
You have to be really motivated by your subject and passionate about its outcome to do that.
I could tell you some stories, if you really wanted to hear them, about some numbskull being rude or condescending because I’m a woman (yes, really), but they are little anecdotes of oddities in a lifetime of being a fairly successful woman. I just chalk those instances up to a few left over troglodytes that simply do not equate to or diminish the value of my self esteem and don’t necessarily represent the entire male gender of our species.
Then again, I actually like men. Not so sure about other folks.
