Ask Dr. Helen: Does a Father-Free Home Breed Success — Or Just Power-Hungry Politicians?
26:
The first generation of affluent, politically-motivated gay and lesbian parents may do fairly well at providing a “network of close friends” to serve as substitutes for a parent of the opposite sex. The proverbial “male role model” in most cases, as lesbian parents are more common than gay male parents.
But finding someone who will be as dedicated to a growing child throughout his or her life as a parent would be is difficult under the best of circumstances. Single moms have a hard time providing dedicated long-term “male role models” for their kids. Especially at lower socio-economic levels. The same is likely to become true for gay and lesbian couples in less-than-ideal circumstances.
Same-sex divorce may be especially difficult for kids. What happens to the kid with four mothers (all with their own ideas about who should serve as substitutes for a parent of the opposite sex) as opposed to two mothers and two fathers after a heterosexual divorce and remarriage? How confusing do parental models become then?
And although Rosie O’Donnell was apparently conscientious about providing male role models for her little boy, he still wanted a father. She told him, in effect, that he couldn’t have one because if he did, he couldn’t have her for a mommy. “. . . because I’m the kind of mommy who wants another mommy”. Bet that shut him up about the desire to have a father. There are other reports of children of lesbian couples asking for a daddy to move in with them. Their children want a dad just like children of single moms want a dad.
However, I am more concerned that promotion of the idea that two mommies or daddies is “just the same as” a mommy and a daddy will lead to fewer fathers staying in long-term heterosexual relationships, including marriage. All a kid needs is two parental figures of some kind. Grandma or grandpa can stand in for a father who decides to leave the family, for example.
Promoting the idea that there is no difference between gay and heterosexual marriages will intensify the current societal attitude that fathers have no important role which is difficult for others to fulfill. Children growing up with this idea will be less likely to regard fatherhood as the critical societal role that it is.
Why shouldn’t (straight) boys choose to do something more fun, more respected, more rewarding or more important with their time? Why should young women concentrate on establishing a stable, committed relationship with a man before having children when that man is expendable in the family?
