Dr. Helen:
I have always had the suspicion that all of civilization is a feminist plot to get men to accept a woman’s idea of being a grown-up. Sitting around the longhouse with the guys, drinking palm liquor and bragging about whose spear killed the elephant is just about as good as it gets for a man.
The sexual revolution plus the lack of much social pressure on men to get married have changed the basic economics of marriage. There are no ways to put those genies back in the box. Women can however do a lot with minor behavior changes to increase the value of marriage. Men are not women and will not be motivated by scolding enumerating their many failures. Go back to your grandmother’s advise: Hot sex, a cold beer, some time with the guys and an occasional mention of what a hero he is for battling in the business world would go a long way towards making marriage more palatable. Keeping a guy happy is actually easier and less time consuming than keeping a girlfriend happy if you use the right carrots and sticks. Also, lose the chip on your shoulder. Pick a guy that matches your feminist requirements but drop the rhetoric. Men are hyper sensitive on the issue and we’ve heard it all over the last 30 years.
