A massive problem is that child support is paid in a lump sum to the mother, rather than being spent directly on the kids. It is therefore spousal support, in that the women can and do spend substantial sums on everything but the kids. This problem is especially acute for high income men. I make a nice living. My child support payments would be a in a range of $5-6k per month, if I were to get divorced. I would like to get divorced. And frankly, even at 5 grand a month, I could afford it. But I am not handing that woman a check every month and leaving all the spending and child raising decisions to her. I am not giving her carte blanche over 40% of my take home pay, when that money vastly exceeds what is really needed to raise the kids.
A solution would be that I pay for whatever the kids need directly, without writing the check to her. That would be simple. But it seems the courts will not insist on such arrangements if the mother objects, and, of course, the mothers object. They want the lump sum to finance their lifestyles. This cries out for a simple but effective reform.
The end result is that I am trapped in an awful marriage. We don’t yell and scream, mostly because I avoid her whenever possible. But what are my options? Get divorced and be forced on threat of jail to give her total control over a lot of money and the kids, or stick around and maintain some control over those situations? The latter, while highly imperfect, is better, not just for me but for our kids.
The end result is that I now know I was a sucker to ever get married. I unwittingly bore all of the risk of a failed marriage. She came in knowing that she could do anything she wanted — gain weight, put her degrees to no use whatsoever, contribute nothing to the household work, etc — and still walk away with almost half my money.
