Used to be men would jump through the hoop of the 40 hour a week, 20+ year boring job, the boring house, the boring wife and the tiresome kids with few complaints. We cleared these hoops because while the job was boring it did at least provide the necessities of life, while the house was boring at least it was consistent shelter against the elements, while the wife was boring at least she was companionship and occasional (if, as time went on and familiarity bred contempt, rarely spectacular) sex, and while the kids were exasperating and tiresome they were YOUR KIDS for Chrissake, and you loved them and wanted to care for them every day.
Look at that paragraph carefully. The short answer is that we did all this much-vaunted “Growing Up” because there was something in it for us. We were responding to incentives.
Nowadays? Stick your neck into the marriage trap and chances are you’ll lose much of what you work for in a divorce. The house will probably go to her. A fair amount of your weekly paycheck as well. Oh, and while you’ll still be sending her a chunk of your salary, she will no longer be required to provide whatever she brought to the table in the marriage, be it sex, housework, the economy of scale of her own paycheck, whatever. You might see the kids every other weekend if you’re very lucky and she doesn’t interfere with your visitation or move halfway across the country with a new guy. Most of the 20something SYMs Ms. Hymowitz wrings her hands over came from a broken home. They saw what their fathers went through. Is it any wonder they’d rather have the one room apartment, a hi-speed internet connection to “World of Warcraft” and freedom?
