25 and single, but I want to get married and have kids. From my perspective, the difficult part is finding a girl worthy of marriage.
I’m currently in graduate training for a career in medical research. I know that my career will be very demanding and take a great deal of my time. I also know that it will require significant travel and/or moving numerous times. While I don’t want a “subservient” spouse, I need someone who can deal with the stresses of my career. I want a partner who is committed, caring, independent (i.e. not requiring constant attention), and an overall good person.
I have dated dozens of girls, found 2 I considered marrying, and in retrospect know 0 would have been good partners (there are a few I’ve met who were already in committed relationships). For the majority these young women, I like to say they suffered from the “Sex and the City Syndrome”. They didn’t consider the future at all and only lived for the here-and-now. They laughed at the prospect of dating a poor student studying to become a doctor, and readily fell over themselves for bartenders and doormen who could get them into the hottest club (I was a bartender, hence my interactions). Not one considered the fact that in 10 years, the same types of men they were vying for would have new 22 year olds and they’d be cast aside.
It was astonishing they’d pass up building a stable relationship with the gent who would become a good provider in 10 years for the guy who could get them free drinks for the next month. If a guy didn’t have money, he was a bum. If a guy didn’t shower them with gifts, he didn’t care about them. If a guy didn’t tell them how wonderful they were and how much he loved them, he was emotionally immature. It seemed as if they were constantly looking for excuses as to why a guy wasn’t worth their time. None ever looked for a reason why he WAS worth their time.
By the same token, I witnessed the permanent adolescence Hymowitz discusses. Being a stable and upwardly mobile part of society had no value. If I told girls I was planning on going to medical/graduate school, I was met with a disinterested stare. If I told them I tended bar at a popular lounge, their eyes lit up. My peers recognized this as well, and many became a part of that culture. Why bother studying and building a future when you can play videogames and go to the beach all day, then party and have sex with new attractive girls every night?
It’s no surprise that we see so many adults who are immature. The difficult part just comes when these two fractions of society intermingle and both sides are left disappointed and unfulfilled.
I’ve digressed a bit and this has become more a rant against contemporary culture. But the salient point is that it is difficult (for me at least) to find a worthy mate. As the majority of the population takes on such a carefree lifestyle, it gets even harder. Why do so few men marry? Perhaps a better question would be to look at the dynamic of maturity in the male AND female population, and contemplate why any bother to marry.
