Jack-999 Has it about right. I’m 45 and divorced now. First marriage lasted 14 years, second lasted 7. The first divorce, she decided she wanted to do something different, and at the time, we had no real assets, so we just split–no kids. The second, I had come into my own a bit, but married someone with no skills, and a low pay history, but, she also had kids (not with me), so it was fine that she didn’t work and took ccare of them–which she did well. Then, she must have decided that if she took half, she could have a decent lifestyle and total autonomy, so I got the word that I was not welcome in my own home. Long story short, after selling everything and spousal support, I watched about $300,000 go right down the drain. That does not include any child support, since her kids were not mine, I was not required to pay support, but the alimony was bumped up to cover some of that…
That was about 3 years ago. I’m fine now, doing better than ever. I honestly hope she is as well. The reason I’ve become comfortable with the idea of remaining single is, quite simpply, I don’t have enough lifespan left to re-make my life, should that happen again. I just can’t afford to drop half again, and hope to be able to recover again. It’s fine when you’re 19-25 and you both have nothing, and something goes wrong, so you split the debt and call it a day, but when you actually have something substantial to lose, and you’re only about 20 years out from retirement…it gives you pause.
Candidly, I’ve even gotten used to the celibacy. I’d like a relationship, but having been wrung through the legal system a bit, you realize your exposure. If I was just a dude with a car and an apartment, I’d not worry about it, but with a decent home and substantial investments…just can’t even think about hooking up with someone and having to face paternity with someone who had no intention of marriage-just receiving payments…or a sizeable settlement…
Or…let’s say you meet someone, date a few times, she comes to your home and likes what she sees. The date goes “very” well. Until later, when she decided, she really didn’t say “yes.” Then it takes all you have to recompense her “damages” and keep yourself out of prison–amazing how men always seem to lose those “he said,she said” cases.
Bottom line… I love women, love everything about them. I love sex. I want a committed lifelong relationship. At 45, I see that I now have everything I could want, and you can lose it so fast. If I was 25-30 with little to lose and time to do it all again, I’d take the chance, but at my age, when I would really love to share a wonderful life with someone–just not enough time to recover if it goes wrong, and 50% of the time, it does.
The upside would be, I have something that everyone should have. The downside, if it occurs, would be catastrophic. It’s a no brainer. It’s not about boys not growing up. It’s about grown up boys looking long and hard at what they they are about to do, and making the only sane choice.
