I’m 38 and engaged to a single mother of a four-year old. I always thought I would marry by my late 20′s. However, I had a terrible break up after college with a woman who had cheated on me with numerous fraternity “brothers” of mine. I just sucked it up and moved on and never really dealt with the hurt and humiliation. By my mid-twenties I was sleeping around quite a bit. I’m a pretty good looking guy and it was easy. I kept this up until my mid-thirties.
Overall, while I enjoyed the sex and excitement of new partners while it was happening, it left me empty and ashamed. For the most part I became a user of women. A “Thanks for the sex, talk to you later.” type of guy.
Before I met my future wife I took a good hard look at myself and frankly, didn’t like what I saw. I wasn’t an honorable person. I was a predator. I was damaging myself and the women I used (or who used me) for sex. I was looking for intimacy through casual sex. It was disaster.
My future wife and I met on eHarmony. She’s smart, funny, good looking and strong. She left an abusive relationship and made a life for herself and her daughter long before she met me. She’s smart with money and makes huge sacrifices, without complaint, so that her daughter can go to ballet class, piano lessons, etc. One day she told me she had just mowed a neighbor’s lawn for twenty bucks. A few days later a pair of ballet slippers came in the mail for her daughter. She works hard, doesn’t complain. She knows she married the wrong guy. She knows she’s paying the price for that.
When we have problems we talk them out. We help each other and put each other first when possible. (a four year old’s needs come before mine…I learned that very quickly)
I make 150k+ per year. I have no debt whatsoever. Arguably, I could find a prettier, younger woman without a child and other baggage. However, we have a deal. We’re getting married and we’ll do what we need to do to make that happen and work through problems as they arise.
I’ve lived the “bachelor” lifestyle. Its over-rated. I’m looking forward to being a step parent and hopefully a parent. I’m looking forward to being a husband and sharing my life with her and vice versa.
Am I crazy? Nope. I realize I could lose my ass in this proposition. I’m taking a risk. Hopefully, it’ll be for the better. If not, there is no other woman I’ve ever met that I’ve even considered marrying. I totallly respect and trust her. If I can’t make it work with her then I’m just not supposed to be married. In that scenario, I pick myself up, dust myself off and move on -knowing I gave marriage my best shot with the most highly compatible person I could find after 38 years.
