Mate, I waited till I was 33. Why? No looks issues or anything like that. Had a lot girls making eyes. But…ever since I was twenty, I had battled with bipolar and accompanying anxiety. Ten years of this was undiagnosed. Simply because I thought what I was experiencing was what everyone went through and dealt with effortlessly. And so, I crafted an intricate facade to hide all the internal shite I was dealing with from the world. Only problem was, I could never let anyone get too close, otherwise they might see the real me. And that meant no sex. Being an INFJ I can’t divorce intimacy from sex so, that was it. And yeah, it was frustrating as hell. I was well and truly sick and tired of the sight of my own hand. But, such was my fear of my weakness being discovered, that still I did nothing.
What changed? Well, along the way I got diagnosed, something which at least lifted the burden of personal responsibility from my shoulders, and, with meds, started to get better. That wasn’t the end of it though. I had to actively change the habit I had engaged in over the course of my entire adult life. That being, living life behind a facade. And let me tell you, that, was hard. But, as daunting as it was, after examining the course I had chosen till that point, and all it had given me, which was absolutely nothing, it was nowhere near as frightening as the thought of continuing on the way I was. And so, I took the leap. And frack, was it ever the right thing to do! Daunting, as I said. But it lead me to the path of true strength. One mistake I made along the way though, was giving time to women who were only interested in one part of me (I sound like a bloody chick, lol). As that only reinforced a feeling of isolation and accompanying depression. But, once I devoted my time to girls who seemed to respond to all of me…well, it was all positive.
Now, I am married to a gorgeous 25 year old red head (10 years my junior), and we have a baby son.
Your circumstances are obviously different than mine. But, like I, you hold yourself back, and you want something more.
Only you can take the step though. And I know mate, just how daunting it is. Especially after having your guard up for so long. But 10 years from now, do you really want to be in the same place you are at present? If the thought of that is so much more terrifying, then you are ready.
