I lost my virginity 6 months ago at the age of 26 to a random guy that I met off a sex site on the internet.
Looking back now it is not something I am proud of. But if I had not come across that sex site I would still be a virgin today. I am overweight and unattrative. Im shy with no confidence, and was sexually abused when I was younger. I am extremly lonely and I dont have many friends as I find it hard to meet people, I tend to stick to myself. I had never had anything to do with any guys, had never had guy friends, and didnt know how to even talk to guys.
Since losing my virginity I have had sex with about 12 guys, (again something I am not proud of)all of which I met through the sex site. So you may be thinking if I am shy and lack confidence how did I manage to have sex with 12 guys. Well because I was meeting up with random guy, purely for sex. I didnt care if they liked the look of me or not, cos if they didnt I wouldnt have to see them again. These guys didnt care who there were having intercourse with as long as they were getting some. It took me a while to realise that I was not getting what I wanted through meeting these random guys. I was looking for an emotional connection, for physical touch through cuddles etc, to feel wanted. None of which I was getting.
So I wonder now if I will ever find a guy who I can have a relationship with who actually likes me as a person, likes me for who I am. Because I have such low values about myself, I cant see any guy ever wanting me.
