I lost my virginity at age 23, which is late for my generation, believe it or not. But I’ve gone through a dry spell in recent years that has left me without sex since late 2005. This kind of dry spell is not uncommon. If you’re an average-looking or below-average-looking guy who’s not very aggressive and who isn’t considered “hip” or “cool” by current societal standards, it’s going to be really hard to find sexual partners. I get the impression it’s harder today than it once was due to the way that men and women are postponing marriage until later in life. Now that women don’t feel social or economic pressure to marry young, or at all, many women seem to be foregoing the rituals of dating, which they assume will just lead to heartache or unwanted dilemmas, and which gets in the way of career, etc. Of course, a few bad apples — the men who try to play the field and sleep with a litany of women using lies and deception — ruin it for those of us who actually would treat a female sexual partner with respect.
Because women no longer “need” to settle down then, we’re sort of perpetually stuck in a high school mentality, where women have the luxury of waiting for the hip, attractive guy instead of settling down with a stable provider, even one who doesn’t ride motorcycles or look like James Bond. The women in my social circle (young urban professionals) seem to be the most shallow individuals on the face of the earth. The thing is, I don’t think it was always like that. I think that we’re a much more superficial society today than ever before, largely because people can afford to be superficial.
When I was in college, grad school, etc, people always told me that I just have to wait until I’m older, and then the women will be flocking to a smart, stable guy with a good career like me. Well, I’ve waited, and I haven’t seen much flocking yet.
All of that said, I know plenty of average-looking men who are neither adventurous nor exciting and who are engaged or married to beautiful, sweet, smart women with whom they are very happy. It’s easy for guys like myself, and like the 47 year old virgin, to become very cynical about women and to give up. But as I’ve learned over the years, all it takes is a chance meeting with one special woman to turn one’s life from a negative statistic into a positive one. Never give up.
