Note from a woman: We tend to like guys who are thoughtful and considerate. It’s the guys who show no initiative or backbone who call themselves “nice” because they haven’t committed any axe murders that we typically avoid.
As for older virgins: Any long-term decision made out of fear is a decision that needs further analysis. Men who are abstaining from sex from, say, religious or non-religious moral reasons aren’t acting out of fear. I think Helen’s advice works equally well for someone who’s become a sex addict after being assaulted and someone who’s avoided sex entirely after being assaulted. The problem isn’t really the sex, or lack thereof – it’s that a major incident in the past has led to present-day aftereffects. This guy may well decide that premarital sex isn’t for him after working out his issues about the assault, but he won’t be acting out of fear if he does.
