Being an older woman (mid 50s) and in a second, very successful and happy marriage, here is my 2 cents for women.
1. Expect that your guy will have some minor faults and foibles, just as you do. No one is perfect.
2. Also realize that you are not going to “change” or “improve” your mate. If you go into a relationship with the idea that you can “fix” your mate you are doomed. Really…just how important is it that he leaves his underwear on the floor or doesn’t help you load the dishwasher in the big scheme of things when your mate has many other fabulous qualities. Learn to pick your battles, so to speak and determine if this is really where you want to take a stand.
3. Give each other breathing space. It isn’t necessary to be joined at the hip and smother each other. There is nothing wrong with having some separate interests and activities. Just because he wants to occasionally hang out and talk hot rods (in the case of my guy) doesn’t mean he loves you any less. If you love him try to cultivate some interest in his hobbies. Now if he (or you) are devoting ALL your time to the hobby or friends to the exclusion of your mate, then there is a problem
4. I can’t stress how important this is to the young couples thinking of getting married. Discuss just what your vision of marriage and children is. You want to be on the same page. Is his idea of children that you will be a stay at home, giving up your career ambitions? Is that your idea too? How about the division of labor in the home. Do you expect that he will help with the laundry and he has no intention of ever doing such a thing? Do you as the woman hate to cook and he expects you to create all the meals. Maybe he expects that you will continue working and isn’t really interested in creating children. How much sex do you or he expect to have in a married relationship. So on and so on.
Nothing will create tension and lead to divorce more than to find out belatedly that you have diametrically opposed views of what your marriage should look like with children added to the mix. For God’s sake!!!! discuss this before having children and before getting married.
Last but not least..ladies… marriage is not all about you or all about you either guys. It is a compromise every single day.
