Having been married for almost 17 years now, I’ve learned a few things about having a happier marriage. All of them have had to do with changing *me* and zero to do with changing my husband. And why would I want to change such a wonderful guy, anyway? 
My husband and I are both fully committed to lifelong marriage. We view marriage as a covenant, not a contract. We knew that about each other from the beginning.
But, as I will advise my daughters before they marry, while we can’t count on guarantees, things have gone a lot more smoothly if I…
1) never, never, *never!* nag (a destructive, manipulative, and counterproductive behavior);
2) never selfishly refuse an opportunity for intimacy (“just not in the mood,” “too tired,” etc.–how much joy we women miss out on with lame excuses–and we never know how long we have together–what if I lost him tomorrow?);
3) Be grateful for and dwell on his wonderful traits because the rest is totally insignificant in comparison;
and finally, 4) learn what says “I love you” loudest to him and do that, even if it does not come naturally to me. (Learned this from one of the most helpful marriage books I’ve ever read: *Five Love Languages*)
It’s all about learning your spouse, laying down your life for him, and vice versa. Love manifests itself in actions, not mere words. I firmly believe a woman who does at least these four things for her husband will be married to a happy man. “Do unto your husband as you would have him do unto you.” It’s that simple, really.
