Credentials: Late forties, married twice, the first for nine years, the second for thirteen and counting (no end in sight.)
There are two things I think I can add to this discussion, one focused on the front end and one on the back end:
1) Guys tend to not do due diligence when selecting their mate. They don’t do the hard work of having a good long engagement, they marry before they have several years of experience with the woman, and oh surprise… the woman turns out to be a shrew. If you asked their buddies, every one would say “Oh man, I knew she was a bitz but you seemed to think she was great, so I supported you.”
2) When guys divorce, they tend to take their hands off the wheel and let the woman control the course of events. They are embarrassed, or they are good people and they think by cooperating they can get through this and just go on with their life. Wrong. If you did the due diligence and the woman fooled you, you need to, figuratively, put your boot on her throat until she is the one who says “Take whatever you want, just leave me alone.” You have to deal with this… if she pulls a knife, you need to pull a gun. Show her your joint net worth statement and tell her “Listen, we can split this, or we can give it to our lawyers. I don’t give a crap, you choose.” You can go into therapy afterward and cry about how you feel really guilty about bankrupting her if you want to, but guess what: You’ll have the resources to go on with your life and have a chance at being happy. You might even earn your children’s respect in the process.
Get married or not get married? It depends on the woman and how strong a man you are. But it is not for weaklings or the faint of heart.
