Still on my first wife, 28 years, five kids, from young working newlyweds to medical school for me while she worked, to Navy Medical service from 81-94, living in some lonesome and ugly and some lovely places, to working together to get a private practice off the ground and sweating bullets over finances, to watching the happy kids grow and crying over the one who will always be lost.
I recognize some of the demon wives in these comments; a couple of my good friends married them and were destroyed. And THE salient factor I notced in those failed marriages? She clearly didn’t respect him. What the guy said about watching how your prospective mate treats menials: these women treated them with contempt. So true.
Love is necessary, but respect is essential. If I lost everything my gal wouldn’t leave, but if I then moped around and didn’t get out there and do somthing-anything- to get back on my feet, she probably wouldn’t divorce me- she’d shoot me, and damned right to do it.
I have great respect for her, and with good reason.
Just as vital: it’s not about YOU. If you (or she) are selfish, you’re done. If it doesn’t occur to you to pass up that great hunting trip because she’d be alone that week (and keep your mouth shut about it), you’ll fall apart when hard times come. Not saying you should always, or even usually, pass up the trip. If she’s any good, she’ll want you to go, because she knows it’s not all about HER either.
Finally, a story from Camp Lejeune Naval Hospital. Little old lady with incurable liver disease. I knew I couldn’t save her, but I was able to “keep the ball in play” almost two years. Every admission to the hospital, every office visit, her husband was there with her. The nurses knew them both well.
One day she crashed and I had to admit her. The nurses asked where her husband was. “Oh, dearie, he’s out golfing with his friends.”
“GOLFING??? WHEN YOU’RE SO SICK?”
“Dear, when you’ve been married awhile, you’ll understand that men have these….things…that they need to do once in awhile. If you don’t let them, they’ll never be right.”
