I must begin by saying that “Should men get married?” collectivizes the subject in a fashion that makes any imaginable answer essentially useless. Ask rather, “Should I, John Q. Smith, get married to Mary Jones?”
Maybe. How well do you know her? How well do you know her family? A woman’s family is often a great influence on her state of mind and her ability to hold to her commitments. What about her desires for the future? When she speaks of them, do they seem individualistic or family-oriented? How well do those desires mesh with your own plans and aspirations?
Does she have her eye on something hazy and distant, failure to achieve which is likely to sour her over the long term? Most of us never achieve our highest goals, and many of us suffer serious personality and character deterioration when we realize that our defeats are permanent.
Is she obsessed with material goods? Virtually every man knows times of hardship, whatever the reason. Would she stand by you loyally, should you experience one, or would she add to your stresses? What would her family and friends say to her in such circumstances?
Probably the all-important question is that of children. Do you both want children? (If not, why marry?) If so, can you be reasonably sure that she’ll undertake the responsibilities of childrearing willingly and with adequate devotion? Or will she come to feel herself a victim because of the burden? Don’t kid yourself: childrearing is the mother’s task. Men are not suited to it, for reasons of basic evolutionary biology and psychology. If she’s averse to childrearing duties, then nothing she says about wanting children is trustworthy.
Time was, we took our time getting to know a prospective spouse. Getting reliable answers to the questions above was the reason.
