I can’t help but add my story to this thread. I am nearly 49 and have been married for 29 years. I would counsel any young man not to get married and not have kids. We got married very young, but didn’t decide to have children for 13 years. Having been through some tough times, our marriage was at it’s very best when we decided to have kids. Well, if I am truthful, SHE decided we would have kids and I decided that it would be OK. Once our daughter was born, our marriage changed forever. She stopped being a wife and was only a mother. Our sex life stopped. As much as I loved my daughter, I was stunned at what had happened. When my daughter was three, I tried to get my wife into counseling to resolve these problems. I thought it would be rather easy. Instead, I ended up moving out. Within a short time, I foolishly moved back in after she made was seemed like a sincere attempt to become a wife again.
Once again, in a fit of optimism, I let her have another child and quit working which she said was what would make her happy. Once again, I was played for a fool. I am just too nice by nature. Men aren’t taught to be fighters, indeed. With two young children, my marriage was over but I didn’t feel I would ever know these children unless I stayed married. I “stayed for the children” and spent many years in deep depression and isolation. All my attempts to renew our marriage, to be clear about what I wanted, to get her into counseling failed. Finally, I decided to end the marriage despite the fact that my lawyer said that I would be completely screwed financially. She was right.
I am now in the middle of trying to settle the divorce. I gave my wife 55% of the assets including the home. (Sorry, community property does NOT mean a 50/50 split.) She has custody of the children – that was not something even worth thinking about trying for on my part. I have been giving her half of my net income in child support and alimony. Yet, a planned settlement whereby I would give her alimony for 5 years fell through because she simply wanted more and reneged on the deal this last weekend. So, all the expense of the lawyers coming up with this plan is money down the toilet because I finally decided that I had given enough. We will have to start over and give it all to mediators, lawyers and the court. I make good money as an IT professional, but I don’t have the money to do this. No one will win.
Young men – don’t get married. Of course, I love my kids, but I thought having kids would be hard before I had them. They turned out to be WAY harder than I thought. There are lots of willing companions in the world and although they will eventually want to be married – resist. Find another one. Take it from someone who is very poor despite a good job, but is now much happier having dumped 140 lbs of redheaded, dead weight. Don’t do it, men. Build up a stock portfolio, buy that airplane, have that motorcycle, get the fast car or boat, and have a girlfriend when you want one. Kick her to the curb every Monday morning, however.
