So, just as a point of departure, between finding the right mate, and legal ramifications…
Finding the right mate is someting you strive for, knowing that the is no surefire way of doing it… people change suddenly or over time. Sometimes people hide some things, and sometimes you deny them. This isn’t a “New” thing. So what to do?
This is where the point about legal issues comes as a general fallback. In an advice column, there isn’t a point in making relationship generalization beyond blowing off steam. Some people prefer high maint. because it’s challenging, some prfer low maint. because it’s easy. Either extreme has it’s detractors, and so the million and one other things individuals are.
What does work as a generality is law, since in theory it has to apply broadly. Many people, once myself included, think it’s bad to start a marriage with a pre-nup, because it has a stigma of distrust. This is perhaps true, BUT it protects BOTH parties. You will notice how I have yet to mention which gender in this post. That is because the sword cuts both directions. Many states now have formulas about child support, slightly standardizing that part. What’s left is the splitting of wealth, and alimony. If you address this at the beginning then there is never a question that one person will have to provide for the other for many years, even though they have advanced degrees, and could easily work.
I boils down to this: If everyone chose their mate wisely, If everyone knew everything there is to know about their mate, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we? Both genders can change, and some do, because they don’t have to try anymore.
So? Protecting yourselves legally is a reasonable fallback. Accepting the risk after knowing what it might be, is only prudent on the part of both parties.
