PJ Media

Dear Nate and Thinking Person: your comments sound a lot like people who cannot understand what they have not experienced.

I am no different: I too once thought of unmarried people as losers and divorced people as whining failures. Allow me to explain why I no longer think so:

After 13 years of marriage my wife called it quits. She said we “grew apart.” (she found a man who was cheating on his wife and had no kids).

Mind you no one said “lets make less money” or “I don’t need this nice house, come home earlier and we’ll scrimp.”

She got the proceeds from the sale of our house and monthly payments of about $10,000, even though she was a lawyer and could work. So she didn’t bother to work.

She bought new cars, went to Hawaii and europe repeatedly (as we had before) but refused to work. Meanwhile I was working every day.

She also quit the kids: although I was paying her, my lawyer and her lawyer (party with most income pays fees), she refused to pay for any school tuition, clothes or anything else for the kids. Guess who paid? And we were splitting custody 50/50!

I was lucky to get 50/50 since a family law judge out here had declared publically that the kids belong with the mom. He’s retired but still active as a private judge.

My oldest daughter eventually came to live with me while in high school after reaching her own limit with her mom. But I had to continue to pay child support. “iron clad obligation” even if my kids chose to live with me.

I had to split my 401k, and every other asset with this “what do I want to be when I grow up” woman. I was financially eviserated by the court system for an irresponsible woman with no thought for her kids.

She didn’t just walk away: the courts saw to it that she got not just half but more than half. I had to pay her 50% of the “value” of my business which has no value unless I work there. So I had to buy my right to work even as I paid her monthly from that work.

Years later she pays for nothing for the kids while I pay for it all; she piles up savings (she works now) and I pay mine out.

Movie producers get fleeced of millions by some airhead because she is deemed to have “contributed” to his work? Steven Spielberg’s first wife (not an airhead but no producer either)got $100 million. Stallone’s wife–one of them–got millions from him after he did rocky and rambo etc. But she was deemed to be a partner in it all. What a joke.

And you will be amazed at how MANY men you run inot after age 40 that ahve this story. Its not just me. I just was too stupid to see the risk.

Returnng to the issue: why should a young man get married under circumstances like this?

You WILL lose your paycheck to a woman who does not love you, does not sleep with you, did nothing to support you except spend money and who may either renounce the kids or worse, take them to get more (non taxable) child support.

You WILL find it hard indeed to start another family since you are still supporting the first one. And you have to do that for years.

Your ex-wife can always come back for more support till you hit age 65.

Her fault in ending the marriage is irrelevant: “No Fault” means just that. Its who makes the $$ that matters.
The ahrder you worked to support your fmaily, the more you will ahev to pay.

The courts claim they support gender neutral custody: and som judges really try to be fair. But you will find that lots more favor the mom and expect dad to live in a shitty apartment, eat tv dinners and support mom who does not work, while she lives in your old house, sleeping with her new BF, who sees your kids more than you do.

And you want men in the 20′s to grow up? To be what–a wage slave for their ex wife?

So: to any man thinking of getting married now, I can only say: love is great and I do not demean it; marriage is great too and mine had many plusses; BUT–read the above-it happened to me; chose carefully; realize that women change once they have been home and not worked–they think this is a lifestyle they are entitled to have–they reach a point where they are not grateful for it, they think they are ENTITLED to have it.

They WILL measure you against all your friends. What you cannot match they will resent.

pre nups are better to have than not have, but they are almost useless if you need them: they are enforced only if “fair”, not if “unconscionable” and if she really needs the money, you may have a piece of paper that is worthless when you need it.

PS: the responsible guys will get creamed in a divorce; the deadbeats who lose their jobs,dump their kids, pay for little or nothing, maake out better. If you are one of the responsible people, the court system knows what to do with you. And you won’t like it one bit.