I was granted full “temporary” custody pending a hearing due to my Ex’s drug and alcohol problems. Her response to this decision was to accuse me of abuse. Without any witnesses, medical evidence, evidentiary hearings or even testimony, the Judge reversed his own decision and gave full “temporary” custody to her. It took almost 6 months to get even a regular “visitation” schedule. It has been two years since it all began and I will share what I have learned.
1. Most Important… Offer to pay full child support despite and in exchange for Joint physical Custody. If she knows she will still get all the money she will be more likely to give you more time with the kid(s).
2. Many Lawyers are friendly and cordial with each other so they can and will drag it out if you have the money to continue to pay them. Try to find one with a proven track record of fighting for their clients. Ask around !!
3. Judges are mostly “older men” who believe that most “younger men” are not the same as “back in the old days”, and that we’re all lazy and “good for nothing”. These defenseless women must be protected from us men and we must pay for what we have done to them. (On a brighter note, as these older Judges retire and are replaced by younger Judges, the mentality slowly changes.) One of my earlier Lawyers who informed me that the current Judges were so old fashioned my ex would have to use drugs in the court room, in front of the Judge, for me to get custody, was elected as a Family Court Judge a few years later. I have heard he is pretty fair.
4. Sadly, I have learned that there ARE a lot of men who WILL just walk away from their kids or work under the table to avoid paying child support. The REAL men who stay and fight for their children have to face many biased and outright hostile agencies, child councilors, Judges etc… because of these “losers”.
I didn’t care what any of them thought. It has been over 2 years and over roughly 35 thousand dollars to get what I “tentatively” have now. I will continue to fight to be my children’s Father. I will not settle for the one day a week and every other weekend “Uncle”. With everything against you, sometimes simple determination will weaken their resolve. Don’t let them reduce you to nothing more then a weekly paycheck for her.
