There are many fine comments here and a few rants, but overall the situation is clear: there exists the perception of discrimination against men in family court. I have been involved in this drama for ten years now, with a ten-year-old daughter, with whom I am very close, and I have found that a few factors made all the difference in how I fared in the system.
1) While the playing field is slanted, there are distinct advantages one has as a father in court. My perception has been that most men give up early on and refuse to do what is necessary to prevail. I have found the officials of the court to be highly prejudiced; however, I have that judges have been very fair and perceptive as to what was really going on.
2) Venue is highly important. My Ex did me the great favor of moving from Massachusetts, a very liberal state, to New Hampshire, a conservative state. This allowed me to take advantage of more favorable statutes.
3) Get the best lawyer in the world. Great lawyers usually don’t cost an arm or a leg, but a man with a sense of justice and the ability to do something about it and a heart will set you free. The Courts are complicated and difficult to negotiate. You really need a hunting guide who knows the territory. Would you start taking parts out of your car, when it stopped working if you didn’t know mechanics? The same thing will happen when you try to fix your own court case: you could very well destroy everything by accident.
4) Document, keep a good memory, you know the story better than anyone.
And most importantly 5) fight for your rights at every instant and with everyone. When the police officer refuses to write a report with blood running down your face from the bottle cracked over your head, get in the car and go to the precinct. DEMAND to speak with the CO. Take pictures. Do not let them forget you. If you don’t have money for an attorney, get online and learn the law. Stand before the judge and demand your rights, don’t let anyone dissuade you from your God-given right to have your own children, be that judge, police, social worker. When the child-support enforcement people want to screw around with the formula to your ex’s advantage, tell them you will report them to their supervisor as far up the chain as you need to go to enforce the law fairly.
I have been through it all, false allegations, arrests, assaults, finding the ex-wife disappeared with my daughter. I have been firm and polite and absolutely insistant that the law be followed.
Yes, the system is unfavorably balanced, but in order to tip it in your direction, you need to pick yourself up, stop whining, and be a man. For two years, in pre-trial hearings I took a beating, went through five poor attorneys. But when we got to court, we slammed them. And we did this, because we played fair, we played smart and we behaved like men.
If every father stood up for himself, like the Chinese man in front of the tank at Tianamen Square, this nonsense would end in two years. Why are men buying this feminist propaganda and selling their children and lives away?
