Civilian National Security Force
Well it’s not really so scary because he’s already said he’s going to cut the military by 25% right? That only means 750 billion or so in real spending for the Civilian Force. Chump change, right? What is so threatening about that? Assuming that past behavior can sometimes be a reliable predictor of future behavior, let’s just spend 1/3 of it for him now….
Conservative visions of Brownshirts and Waffen SS are just plain silly! Here is what it will really look like:
ACORN and related activities (some deniable): 100 billion
Pajamas Cyber Security Force: 50 billion
Pajamas Fairness Security Force: 20 Billion
Deniable Activities: 20 Billion
Literacy Security Force: 10 billion
Educational Security Force: 5 Billion
Celebrity-Led Initiatives: 25 Billion
Diversity Security Force: 10 Billion
Emotional Safety Initiatives: 10 Billion
Other Initiatives: 10 Billion
Details:
All volunteer force jobs below come with stipends, tax credits, tuition credits and scholarships. Note that participation for young folks will be nearly mandatory because Obama has already told us he will withhold federal funds from high schools that don’t set up programs to require 50 hours per year from high school students and 100 hours per year from college students.
ACORN already has a dog’s breakfast of related enterprises to try to hide many of their activities. Funds will be used to register voters, GOTV, press banks to go back to CRA-type loans. Etc, etc. Cadre will be prevented by federal law from using high pressure tactics.
Pajamas Cyber Security Force: We used to call them script kiddies, but they grew up and started voting while we weren’t looking. They will get a Cheetos and Cheeze Whiz stipend, tax credits, tuition tax credits and tuition payments to ferret out and attack (sorry, I meant ‘ethical hacking’) web sites they don’t like. They get to choose the threats they will attempt to remove. Can’t take them to court or appeal their actions, because the attacks are anonymous for national security reasons. 1/3 of this budget will support well-protected government internet servers from which to launch their attacks.
Pajamas Fairness Security Force: like the above, but without the internet literacy. These are the ones who sit at home and listen to TV, radio, and internet streams to ferret out unfairness in programming content. Same Cheeze Whiz stipends and other benefits as above.
Deniable Activities: Hey, it’s only 20 billion, it’s deniable and it’s national security, right?
Literacy Security Force: protects the nation from textbooks and other writings, especially in our libraries, that impose illegal moral judgments on others. Their web site will keep a running tally on how many schools and libraries have been audited. Books will always be burned in an environmentally friendly fashion.
Educational Security Force: In a sense, this is the watchdog of the watchdogs, for without agreement on educational and social orthodoxies, chaos would reign supreme! Ensures that teachers and students are protected and that the proper attitudes are exhibited toward their desires and accomplishments. Tolerance will be zero-based.
Celebrity-Led Initiatives: Rappers leading compulsory awareness seminars like ‘Bitch Slappin’ ‘Killin Hos’; Children required to attempt to top ‘Piss Christ’ in art competitions; Jane Fonda leads a public fornication seminar broadcast on national TV to liberate your hang-ups.
Diversity Security Force: So you didn’t take your children to the gay pride parade in your neighborhood? What’s wrong with you?? May occasionally carry ax handles, whips, or other heavy ‘toys’. Firearms, of course, are forbidden.
Emotional Safety Initiatives: That person paying for 4 carts of luxury foods, beer and liquor in the grocery store with several books of food stamps somehow felt a sense of disapproval from some folks while checking out. You were the next person in line. The shopper reported you. You get a visit… If anybody anywhere ‘feels bad’ it’s because of the unwarranted judgments of inconsiderate, lawless conservatives. ESI cadre will identify and punish the worst offenders.
Other initiatives: These funds are set aside for the brilliant ideas that percolate up from the grassroots. Every idea has merit.
Hey and this is only the first 1/3 of the budget!
Local police departments, of course, will be forbidden by federal law from interfering in most activities of these cadre – they are involved in national security work!
