Masters of Manipulation: How to Spot Narcissists, and How to Deal with Them
We were young, and by rights, ought to have been dating high school seniors.
Men are scary, in general. Read any Glamour magazine- it has articles by women who think ya’ll are from another planet- not even Mars- farther, farther, farther out. Or any review of a romance novel. The younger readers haven’t got a clue what guys are like.
Then, add in no chaperones. We had all had chaperoned dates up to that point. I don’t feel bad about it, or immature, b/c I chaperoned friends in their twenties, who were just really uncomfortable one-on-one at first. Mind you- one friend looked like Barbie, dressed like slutty Barbie, and was Farah Fawcett’s cousin. She looked like she could eat men with salsa, for breakfast. Terrified of single first dates. ( I’m not kidding about model friends)
Or, say, violence. Have you ever been hit on a date? I have. Have you ever been threatened with a gun? My friends have. Me, too. Supposedly nice guys with decent jobs and friends. And it’s not ever who you expect. It would be simpler if, say, you could dismiss all military- but what about the restauranteur? or the policeman working for the court? Add in, this was a famously corrupt, violent city. Police were getting arrested for violence and drug-running. So, swearing out a complaint really wasn’t going to work. One friend tried.
About half of the “true crime” reality shows involve a date with a stranger. It’s the girl that goes missing, never the guy. Two girls from my high school disappeared on a double- date. It’s possible. It’s not like guys come with safety badges, you know?
I mean, Candy Spelling dated an old guy when she was 18, and look at her now. Nicole Simpson dated an old guy- and, well, we’ve seen the trial.
The standing up- easy- low to no self- esteem. I stood up the most beautiful, gorgeous guys b/c I was pretty sure they would either stand me up, or only ask about my best friend, or have sex with me and then dump me, or try to have sex with me, and then ruin my reputation by claiming we’d gone the distance. The sort of things that happened with regular immature guys, but that I didn’t particularly care about. Read Tucker Max, to give you an idea of the sort of guy like that. I think he’s weenie compared to the guys I dated. And he’s got three books about what a whoremongering jerk he is.
Or, say, the sort of guy who would want a long- term relationship with no children at all- who you might fall in love with- except your version of happiness is considered “tacky” “bourg(how do you spell it?) wah” “possessive”? What if you want marriage and babies and a degree? I’ve had those offers. It’s heartbreaking, feeling ashamed for wanting a happy marriage, and a family, and feeling like it’s not something you deserve, b/c of whatever flaw that gets pointed out over and over and over.
what if you want a happy marriage, not a submissive doormat sort of thing? And they’ve got their preacher on their side, saying they are right? ( the sort of person who proposes this is not a happy, well-adjusted, normal person) Or feeling that maybe the sort of person who brings God in like an enforcer maybe might be just a little unclear about this whole God business. My grandmother was a big fan of one guy like that. I’d finally had enough practice being “bad” ( to the rest of the world- it looks like having a spine).
Or say, Mr Sophisticated would laugh at you for being such an clueless hick. You know, b/c when you are young, you are clueless.
how’s that for a short list?
