Masters of Manipulation: How to Spot Narcissists, and How to Deal with Them
Amen Belladonna …
I had a narcissist in my family and learned only too much from him! I hope I’ve stamped out all the obvious legacies of those experiences.
I’ve heard this type referred to as an “oxygen-sucker,” that is someone who sucks all the oxygen out of the room by his or her actions. In a meeting, everyone else soon falls asleep, suffering from boredom AND from oxygen deprivation. In my family, this person had only about 10 or 15 distinct conversations and as he aged with Alzheimer’s the number shrunk … and his tenacity increased. It was truly unpleasant.
Professionally, I work in an environment filled with narcissists. Or at least many of them APPEAR to be excessively self-focused. I suppose some of the behavior can be a kind of defense mechanism. And sometimes what I see is the application of very fine intellects on critical problems … if you can’t keep up … well too bad, or so they might be thinking.
At the end of the day … at the end of one’s life, these things will all fall away. Compassion endures. The legacy of compassion gets passed on from generation to generation. The phone call to your daughter every birthday at the precise hour of her birth. The smell of brisket cooking in the kitchen reminding you of your mother or grandmother. Teaching your son to play catch … with the glove you had as a boy. These CAN grow beyond reminders, and become true touch stones when I pull them into my life and practice what was behind them.
I suppose this is most true when I look at another individual and see “with God’s eyes” the true value there … when I see just how wonderful they really are … as people to be cherished. Learning to do that is human, at its best.
