Joshua,
Not having children because they may not have a happy life seems rather defeatist to me. As does the idea that most, or as you say many, parents do not take this into consideration when blissfully welcoming babies into their home.
I have had many, many discussions with mothers who have out loud expressed concerns to me about what sort of a world they were bringing children into.
Calling people who choose to bring children into the world ignorant, or even suggesting that we are blissfully unaware of the various pitfalls of life was the original conversation I was having with Aaron on my blog.
His accusation that being a “helicopter” parent was a bad thing was the reason I responded to his piece in the first place. Helicopter or concious parents understand the various pitfalls and problems that modern society has in place to rob out children of their ultimate happiness.
But these pitfalls are nothing new. What made a person unhappy in the year 1000 BC are the same things that make a person unhappy in 2007 AD. Breakage of the ten commandments have a domino effect on a persons ability to feel true joy and happiness during life.
Or as the scriptures say “wickedness never was happiness”.
My larger concern with this topic is the willingness of those who do not have children to fling various judgements and prejudices at those of us who have welcomed many children into our lives. And it was why I wrote a blog entry about Aarons original post.
Public signs of misbehavior do not indicate anything about how effective or ineffective various parents are with raising children.
I’m reminded of a story by Steven Covey, can’t remember which book I read it in, but it was an illustration of perception.
The story went something like this:
A man and his children sat down on a subway train for a ride home. The children were behaving in a crazy manner, running all over the train, bumping into other passengers and basically creating havoc while the distracted father ignored them and refused to discipline them. Indeed he seemed completely oblivious to what they were doing.
As the other passengers increasingly became upset and angered by the childrens behavior, one brave person decided to confront the father.
“Sir, will you control your children, they are being most disruptive.”
The Father startled and finally noticed his little ones running frantically around the train.
Then he said to the man who confronted him, “My wife just died. We were at the hospital and are now going home without her. I guess they don’t know how to deal with the loss, I don’t either.”
With that confession, perceptions shifted from judgement to compassion.
My point to Aaron the other day and to you today is please, save the judgement and contempt for the true criminals in our society. Not parents who are doing the daily work that goes with raising children.
It is the most difficult work in our society. Raising a healthy happy child may seem like a gamble to you, but I want to testify to you that lasting eternal happiness is our destiny as human beings and the eternal joy that is wrapped up in parenting is the ultimate in the human experience.
The main thrust of my work on the internet is to help parents better deal with and prevent the pitfalls and shadows that stand lurking, ready to rob them of financial health, physical well being, and in some cases even life and wellness by blindly trusting those professionals who have a vested interest in our sickness culture.
The current medical culture is killing us. That is what needs to change.
Jenny Hatch
