We’ve just heard Rod Blagojevich quoting Rudyard Kipling’s famous poem, “If.” With apologies to Kipling, here’s a version revised for the current circumstances:
If …. Kipling Only Knew
If you can keep your job while all about you
Are fielding bribes and blaming it on you,
If you can duck the Feds while all men doubt you,
And bleep-ing show the charges are untrue,
If you can fight and not be tired by fighting,
Or, being wiretapped, profess surprise,
Or argue that there will be no indicting
Because it’s all a bleep-ing pack of lies.
If you can scheme – but never scheme in writing,
If you can talk – but not from your home phone,
If you can face the press and keep reciting
That truth is on your side, though you’re alone;
If you can bear to hear the bleeps you’ve spoken
Quoted on Fox TV and “Meet the Press”
Or watch that Senate seat become a token
Of all the things they’d like you to confess
If you can just accuse them all of spinning
And quote a bit of Kipling on the way
And comb your hair and somehow keep on grinning
And tell them no one ever paid to play;
If you can force them to accept your own rights
To publicly refuse this bitter cup,
And fight them till you’ve drained yourself of sound bites,
Except the Will to say to them: “Shut up!”
If you once walked with Rezko and Obama
Or spoke with Jesse Junior and with Rahm
If you can overcome this legal drama,
If you can show that no one greased your palm
If you can take that Senate seat and fill it
With someone who will swear you’re not a knave
Yours is the Land of Lincoln, and yet still it
Will have Kipling rolling over in his grave.
Impressive!
Imagine you have used “Blagojevich” in your version of Kipling’s!
What would it rhyme with? HHmm, things could go wild here!
If we’re doing Kipling (I’ve never kippled), how about this:
“Whatever, for any cause,
seeketh to take or give,
Power above or beyond the laws,
suffer it not to live”
“Holy state, or Holy king,
or Holy people’s will,
have no truck with the senseless thing;
order the guns, and kill”
It looks like we had the same idea, but I’m afraid my version relied rather more on Governor Blagojevich’s penchant for profanity….
Kudos to Ms. Rosett on her wonderful “clean” renditon, and kudos to alpheus on your “blue” rendition. Both got an out-loud chuckle and I am not an out-loud chuckler.
This open up so many avenues
Yes, Rod, Rod, Rod,
Foul mouthed loser whose wife’s a witch,
Though Fitz wire tapped and flayed you,
By the Cook County pols that made you,
You’re a sleazier man than I am, Blagojevich
And Blago’s going to keep his job. Otherwise, he sings.
There once was a man with an itch
For power and wealth, but a snitch
Put an end to his lies
Still, he strongly denies
That must be some other Blogojevich
Very funny – excellent parody and in days full of doom and gloom thanks for the laugh
IF:
When Blago speaks, in court:
Your Honor:
I am absolutely, 100%, not guilty…
Isn’t that all he’ll have to say?
To a jury of his peers, not black,
…but fake hair all the way…
Hand-picked by his attorney,
…as they do in old Chi-Town…
We can’t let an Irish Fed, no, nay never,
…bring a good Chicago man down.
And if some juror’s parents aren’t from Kerry
…or the little town Tyrone…
It’s a mere coincidence…
…all their last names are Capone…
So we’ll watch the farce, and artifice,
…and see the games be played…
Who’ll flip on who…and who will be the knave…
One thing certain, though, no matter how it plays:
One real and true man, Elliot Ness,
WILL be spinning in his grave…
DanO
funny, funny, funny you all!
Merry Christmas to Ms. Rosett and all, including all Blagojevichs!
I mean it. Merry Christmas!!!
Bravo! Very funny. I cannot believe that twit had the nerve to quote Kipling.
(Open Source Song- Please feel free to modify or add)
“Throooow ‘em Under the Bus”
By Marinelurp
When the going gets tough,
When mud ‘n slander flies thick.
And the sh*t is hitting the fan,
Someone’s really rockin’ the boat,
Trying to hijack Hope and Change.
Wha’ cha gonna do? Wha’ cha gonna say?
You Beeeetter(slowly):
(Chorus)
Throw ‘em, under the Bus,
Toss ‘em, under the Bus,
Cover your Ass! Try to distance yourself!
Just grab ‘em by the neck,
and throw ‘em, throw ‘em
Under the Bus!
Political hacks are turning up the heat.
‘Singing to prosecutors’, naming names,
Under surveillance, wiretaps everywhere!
“Not the person I knew” you have to claim.
Scandals threatening to taint you,
Before you even swear in. Oh, wha’ cha gonna do?
(Chorus)
Chicago’s Governor was hurting real bad,
He just wanted to get some financial gain.
To “sell a seat” for the One’s prime Choice,
“It’s a F*ckin’ Golden” job after all.
Ain’t doing it for just f*ckin’ appreciation!
We wait impatiently for the audio and transcripts.
Before theeeeey:
Throw ‘em, under the Bus,
Toss ‘em, under the Bus,
Cover your Ass! Try to distance yourself!
Just grab ‘em ALL by the necks,
and throw ‘em, throw ‘em
Under the Bus!
The Heat is coming down on the Governor,
His wife can’t even consider divorce.
All their plans are going up in smoke.
Wiretaps are bringing them down.
What happened to good ole corruption, “Pay to Play”.
Chicago Political Machine is in the “Rearview Mirror”.
Time toooo, Throw ‘em, under the Bus,
Toss ‘em, under the Bus,
Cover your Ass! Try to distance yourself!
Just grab ‘em all by the neck,
and throw ‘em, throw ‘em
Under the Bus!
(Don’t know the song’s title, any help? Remember open source keep adding to it, we have four years down the road to go, Palin 2012-Marinelurp)
“There are nine and sixty ways
Of excusing liberal ways
And every single one of them is wrong!”
We have a new poet laureate. Of Illinois, at least.