Your PJ Media Election FAQ
How in the world is that racist?
Think about it: Why would someone want an ID with a photo of you on it? So they could see by the photo what race you are.
I’m not sure you’re making any sense.
Fighting racism is so important that you can’t always worry about making sense. Anyway, another reason photo IDs are racist is that minorities have trouble getting photo IDs.
Why would minorities have a hard time getting photo IDs?
Because… um… minority stuff that you just wouldn’t understand, cracker.
Considering all the things one needs a photo ID for, such as writing a check, boarding an airplane, and even purchasing cold medicine, if people care about minorities, shouldn’t they focus on getting them photo IDs rather than blocking the requirement for having a photo ID to vote?
No, because… um…
This is pointless. This type of voter fraud never even happens anyway. It’s science fiction. I mean, someone going to the polls and pretending to be someone else is like some sort of space alien that changes shape — that’s just crazy.
To me it seems like a really easy way to commit voter fraud that should be prevented.
No, that’s crazy, and you’re crazy. The type of voter fraud I mentioned earlier is the kind where Dick Cheney and Diebold work together to reprogram voting machines, or like when the Republicans confused old people with a butterfly ballot.
I thought the butterfly ballot was made by a Democrat and that it was so simple that even children had no problem with it.
No, that’s… shut up. The point is, the 2000 presidential election was stolen.
I’ve heard Democrats assert that many times, but in a country where democracy is such a sacred value, if people honestly thought the 2000 presidential election was stolen, wouldn’t they have done more than whine about it for years on end?
It wasn’t whining! It was making a point over and over at a higher pitch so as to be heard!
The point is that Republicans are always trying to discourage people from voting, but we need to get as many people to the polls as possible.
Why? Isn’t it bad to have people who don’t follow politics voting?
No, that’s a silly thought. We want everyone to vote who can. I mean, we need to scrutinize overseas military ballots, but otherwise we need to open the floodgates and make it as easy as we can for everyone to vote. Rock the vote!
I don’t know. It seems like we should be suspicious of a political party that tries to get as many uninformed people to the polls as possible.
No, that’s… you’re racist.
Do you just accuse someone of racism any time you can’t come up with a logical response to a question?
What exactly is it about black people that you don’t like?
Look, voting has to be made easier. Right now, voting takes a marginal amount of effort, such as driving to a polling place or requesting a mail-in ballot ahead of time. This disenfranchises a special group of people in America: really, really lazy people. We need to eventually make elections more like internet polls — ones that pop up on Facebook or Twitter so people don’t have to look for them — so lazy people can all vote.
Why would we want lazy people to vote? Aren’t they just going to vote to have my stuff since they’re too lazy to get their own stuff?
That’s more racist thinking. You just want to keep minorities from voting.
I wasn’t talking about minorities; I was talking about lazy people.
Which I know you meant to be minorities.
Well, apparently when you heard “lazy people,” you thought of minorities, so you’re probably the racist.
No, I know I’m not racist. So when a racist idea pops into my head, that’s obviously what other people — people I know to be racist — are thinking.
I believe that’s called “projection.”
Stop using your racist mind tricks on me!
You have to also mention that there is a new intelligence requirement in some states (like New York and California) for identifying your party affiliation. If you can button your shirt, you’re a Republican. If you can’t button your shirt, you’re not only a Democrat, but the exact type of person the Obama administration consider’s its base. And those individuals may actually decide this election. God help us.
Aaaaaaaand…if you wear a T shirt, you’re automatically enrolled in the “2nd Term Cabinet Nominee Raffle” (c)
Reminds me of one of those youtube videos with the cartoon characters of a liberal and conservative having a conversation. Someone should make one with this script.
Seconded. Xtranormal. Anyone have an account? This could hit a pretty wide audience on YouTube, and it’s some great dialogue.
Thanks for the laughs. Judicial Watch investigations are indicating massive voter fraud likely this year.
http://www.judicialwatch.org/projects/2012-election-integrity-project/
– take a look at a new wrinkle.
Funny but risky piece considering a large segment of Obama’s supporters will likely take this very seriously. Then again, most of that segment will not likely be reading it.
Ya, most of that segment can likely not read.
There will be a pop-up version for Democrats.
I think the voting machines should be like the wack-a-mole game up at the arcade. To cast your vote you have to hit your candidates head before it goes back into it’s hole. If you lose then your vote goes to elect a robot with machine gun arms. A SCARY robot with glowing red eyes and steam that shots out of it ears. Not only would it make voting more challenging, interesting, and FUN; but it’d increase voter turn out as well!
Razor-sharp, as usual. And it would be screamingly funny if it weren’t so frighteningly prescient.
This reminds me of the fellow that went out in search of a Round Tuit. He found the Front Tuit and the Back Tuit but the Down Tuit evaded Him. The Top Tuit was evident but the Bottom Tuit was missing… After searching for what seemed like an Eternity Forit he decided there was no Serious Side Toit and went to bed.
Permit me to assist by properly ending the search:
http://www.quantumenterprises.co.uk/roundtuit/index.htm
… multiple scenarios are accommodated.
Cheers
You know, back when Saturday Night Live was actually funny, somewhere around ~15 years ago (well, other than a couple of guest appearances by Justin Timberlake); I could picture them doing this as a skit.
“What happens in case of a tie?
“Then the winner is settled by a hot dog eating contest.”
No, it’s really much simpler. They just recount the votes. And then, if necessary, re-recount. The re-re-recounting continues until the Democrat wins.
Brilliant! You can tell it’s brilliant satire because it is also believable. An unwitting democrat could stumble across this and end up looking like a bobble head doll reading it.
Fran J has distilled the Obama “thinking” down to its pungently offensive essence.