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Frank J. Fleming

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November 9, 2013 - 12:02 am
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So there have been a lot of problems with the Obamacare rollout. I guess there’s no denying that. The website is not… what’s the word… functioning. At all. And some people who are losing their insurance felt a little misled when they misinterpreted Obama’s words, “if you like your health care plan, you’ll be able to keep your health care plan, period. No one will take it away, no matter what,” as meaning… just what he said.

And now people are all angry. They’re like, “You want to overhaul health care, and you can’t even get a simple website working. You’re grossly incompetent! And also a huge liar!” It’s a big mess, lots of people are unhappy, and everyone is losing faith in the government. Boy, have the Republicans and the Tea Party extremists really screwed things up this time.

I mean, they’re obviously at fault here. On one side, we have President Obama and the Democrats — very smart, capable people who just want to get everyone health care, even if they have to do it with threats and fines — and on the other side are those thuggish Republicans and those nutso Tea Partiers who are, like, racist — especially against taxes. If you’re trying to figure out who the villain is here, it can’t be more obvious. Obama is intelligent and great, and the people who oppose him are awful. Those Tea Party people are almost like Nazis — but Nazis who are anti-government. So I guess they’re more like those horrendous people from history who didn’t like the government pushing them around. You know, the… hmm, I can’t remember the name, but I’m pretty sure it’s a thing.

So there you have it. It’s time to tell those wretched Republican and right-wing crazies to stop messing things up so we can get our health care. They really made a big mess this time, and they’re going to pay for it.

What’s that? You want an explanation of how they’re at fault here? Well, there are… um… so many reasons, it’s hard to pick just one.

Oh, but you do want me to name at least one. Okay, uh…

Aha! I got it. All the negative attention the Republicans gave Obamacare caused the website to crash. You know what a “Denial of Service” attack is? That’s where a website is flooded with so many requests at once that its servers can’t handle it, and the site goes down. Usually, this takes millions and millions of requests, but in the case of healthcare.gov, all it takes is more than eight. So when Republicans were all like “you have to log in and see how bad Obamacare is!” they were, in fact, orchestrating an attack on the new and vulnerable website. So they basically crashed Obamacare by… um… mentioning it.

No, wait; scratch that. I have a new reason why the Republicans are at fault here: the sequester. The Republicans love when the government has less money, and they got their wish with the harsh sequester cuts and the government shutdown that affected literally tens of people. So there just wasn’t enough money to put up a working website. I mean, they only had like a few hundred million dollars to get the job done. I don’t think anyone can launch a functioning website for under a billion. Each WordPress blog costs about… uh… $2.3 billion to launch. Don’t bother googling that; I’m pretty sure I’m in the ballpark. So the government just had inadequate funds — that plus the rushed schedule of three years…. They just couldn’t, um…

Actually, I have a better reason this is all the Republicans’ fault: It’s because none of them voted for Obamacare. Not a single Republican voted for the bill. Some may ignorantly say, “That means the Republicans bear no responsibility, and the Democrats own this failure entirely.” Well, anyone who thinks that is just not thinking things through. Put yourself in the shoes of the programmers — or sandals, as computer programmers can be weird people — and think what it must be like to have all these Republicans not want you to be there. Who can work in those conditions?

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Top Rated Comments   
Florida Representative Alan Grayson (D) nailed it when he said, "All Republicans want to do is kill old people!" When that creative genius made that commercial showing Paul Ryan shoving the old lady in a wheelchair off that cliff they didn't say it was actual tape of an actual event, but it was. I know because my spiritual healer/tattoo artist/Obamacare navigator was there when it happened and she said it was really, really gross. They also never told the truth that it was Ryan's actual grandmother and she almost died except that Obama sent Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid to patch her up and she voted for Obama in 20012, so THERE you creepy Republicans, you!
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Thanks Frank for trying to keep some humor at the situation. I'd be laughing if it weren't for the fact that despite the true facts, the majority of Americans seemingly don't care, and are actually blaming the Republicans, Tea Party, etc. for the fiasco. Look at the Virginia Governor's race. McAuliff won easily on a pack of outright blatant lies and negative advertising funded by massive out of state sources. The urban population centers of Fairfax, Richmond, and Norfolk won it for him, all centers of government workers and contractors who can't see beyond their next payday, even though he is under investigation for fraud and has promised to raise taxes, increase Medicaid, and do all sorts of things that will drive private business out of the state and slow the economy even further. As for Obamacare, so a firm in bed with the administration is GIVEN a no bid contract worth almost a $Billion dollars to develop a website over three years, can't get that right and is given more $$ to fix their own mess and nobody cries foul. This is the most corrupt Presidency in history, committing high crimes and stealing our wealth to squander and bribe/reward cronys while repeatedly lying badly about their activities, yet we meekly go along with this crap. No, Frank, we're way beyond comedy or farce here. We're watching a tragedy unfold that will harm everyone and take generations to recover, if ever.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
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All Comments   (36)
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LMFAO!! you guys certainly live up to your name! I'll give you that. What a bunch of morons seriously don't vote you ignorant idiots!!!!!!! Get a EDUCATION for FS!!!!!!!!
44 weeks ago
44 weeks ago Link To Comment
Sorry folks but the Republicans ARE AT FAULT FOR THE ENTIRE OBAMACARE GARBAGE.
How so?
When the Republicans had the votes in congress (during the two bush eras), they could have passed medical insurance legislation that used free market principles instead of the govt. run s**t we have now.
Just as folks can buy auto insurance, or just go to the grocery store, or get any large appliance, or even a car, etc., - and easily compare prices, services, quality, etc., - we should have been able LONG AGO !!! to purchase EITHER health insurance OR pay cash to obtain medical services or medical insurance in a COMPETITIVE INDUSTRY.
This competition DOES NOT EXIST in either purchasing medical insurance or direct, via cash, medical services because all prices are a big F'n secret.
Further, has anyone noticed there is ZERO competition amongst medical insurance providers??
When is the last time you saw an ad that said, "we have less expensive medical insurance??
The govt. has, via rules, regulations, tax laws, etc., set up a corrupt, inbred, monopolistic system in which doctors, hospitals, and insurance providers can avoid ALL COMPETITION - which they do, which results in sky high prices for everything associated with the medical industry.

Imagine if your auto insurance covered gasoline, oil changes, wiper blades, tires, etc., or if a $25 co-pay allowed you to buy whatever you chose in a grocery store; WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN TO THE COST OF FOOD OR AUTO INSURANCE OR OIL CHANGES OR ....??

Yet, this is the stupid F'd up system we now have for medical services.
Get the government, employers and medical INSURERS (excepting catastrophic insurance; just like homeowners insurance !!) out of picture totally, force hospitals/doctors to list prices !! , encourage the training of many more doctors (we most definitely have a shortage; waiting 2 to 3 weeks or more to see a doctor tells us this !) , and prices will HAVE TO PLUNGE.
As for pre-exisiting conditions, here is where a high risk pool can be set up with government help (just like food stamps, etc.) to see that everyone has access to some sort of medical insurance.
The Republicans in the past have not done a F'n thing to encourage a truly competitive, free market in medical services.
So, what do we have now; the imposition, by force, by coercion , engineered by a bunch of communist millionaire, elitist F heads, of a tyrannical system to control our lives.
Good going Republicans.

45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
The Commies are still blaming the Kulaks and the Wreckers.

"...first as tragedy, then as farce."

Forward Comrades...
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
I would be proud to vote for any Republican who is trying to repeal obamacare. I'll take the blame.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
"and think what it must be like to have all these Republicans not want you to be there. Who can work in those conditions?" That's hilarious! Thx.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuStsFW4EmQ

Inarguably, it was the Republican negative waves.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Did any one hear, in the president's attempt to apologize that he said it is "Very clear what I am trying to do" and all I could think of is

yes it is very clear, you want to transform this country, and make sure you become one of the extremely wealthy to try and rule over others, as you will get your presidential library slush fund, and people that are stupid enough to pay you 6 figures to speak to them, so they can bask in the glow of the half white affirmative action, unpatriotic, irresponsible failure that you are.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
good satire has to be based in truth, and this one is chock full of truth that we have a lying unpatriotic, irresponsible failure, trying to manage this country when he isn't qualified to be an assistant at a lemonade stand.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Don't be ridiculous. He'd never take a job that would require that much work or responsibility.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
This is probably out there and available if I just Google'd for a minute or two, but I'm wondering if some really smart person happens to know what was the total number of uninsured poor people Obamacare was supposed to provide coverage of to begin with, vs. the current number of Americans who have just been cancelled; and then, projected total numbers of Americans who will have been cancelled and/or had their "insurance policy that they liked" changed.

I'm wondering if the innocents who had coverage and now don't exceed the Obama poor who weren't covered in the first place.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
"...the total number of uninsured poor people Obamacare was supposed to provide coverage of to begin with..."

That number bandied around always varies between 15-40 million, as flexible and unknown as the number of individuals in the country illegally.

Most of the signups through the exchanges have been for "free" (laugh now) Medicaid since the restrictions for Medicaid were lifted in the Unaffordable Care Act.

More people have been dropped from coverage than have signed up for Obamacare through the exchanges, state and, naturally, the federal exchange in which the total is probably still about 6 and which, apparently, healthcare.gov won't meet the new touted deadline of Dec. 1 for functionality (what a shock).

The signup numbers allegedly come by the end of next week and, also, Congress has issued a subpoena since getting real info. (any real info. about anything) out of this federal bunch is worse than pulling teeth.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
How about this one: Republicans wouldn't support the single-payer proposal so that's why we had to be content with this lesser version. I've actually heard that one.
But thanks for the grins this chilly morning.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
This so called lesser version is all about single payer & destroying the private insurance market, just more slowly, under cover of dark and through the back door.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
Agreed.
45 weeks ago
45 weeks ago Link To Comment
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