“If there’s nobody else to do it, then of course I would believe that we should do this,” Sarah Palin told Entertainment Tonight last month, revealing her presidential thoughts.
Hey Sarah — speaking for a large number of Republicans, allow me to respond to your statement: Since there are many others left to do it, then of course we believe that you should not do this.
Instead, let me suggest a career move that better utilizes your talents and abundant charisma.
Why don’t you run for Oprah’s couch instead of Obama’s chair in 2012?
Since Oprah’s last show is September 9, 2011, that leaves a famous empty couch with a power vacuum that only you can fill. Your new show should naturally be called Sarah!
Let’s look at the pros of taking over for Oprah and the cons of becoming the next president.
PRO: Perfect hair, clothes, and makeup every day, with flattering lighting.
- CON: Have you noticed how presidents age? Have you looked at Hillary lately (and she’s not even president)? Let’s face it, the presidency will be bad for your looks, and your looks are among your greatest assets. Stay younger longer off the campaign trail and out of the White House!
PRO: The only major war you will ever declare is a ratings war with Ellen.
- CON: Messy foreign wars are bad for approval ratings.
PRO: Sarah! show ratings so high you will never see The View from your house.
- CON: Endless debates with dismal ratings and a dreaded appearance on The View.
PRO: Your colorful family will be frequent guests and eventually land their own spinoffs.
- Todd’s show can be called How Real Men Tame Powerful Women While Racing a Snow Machine.
- Bristol’s will be (working title) Dancing on Melting Glaciers.
BIG PRO: You can all make oodles of money to influence future elections.
- CON: A measly presidential salary of $400,000 and no chance of syndication.
PRO: You will always be in control and able to invite whomever you want on Sarah!
- CON: Running for president means events will spin out of control.
PRO: You can invite Katie Couric on your show and ask her embarrassing questions.
- CON: On the campaign trail journalists will be asking you embarrassing questions every day.
PRO You love to talk which makes Sarah! your perfect platform.
- CON: On the campaign trail you must develop a real platform and watch your every word.
PRO: You can discuss Christianity openly and not be “new-agey” like Oprah.
- CON: On the campaign trail you must appeal to all Americans, even those who are going to hell.