Why Do the Pirates Plunder Us?
The Somali pirate “crisis” has triggered many of the responses one would expect. People are angry, demanding action and often violence against pirates. Even the usually peaceful — some might even say Christ-like — President Obama didn’t put a stop to the siege against the pirates, and now he has pirate blood on his well-manicured hands. And Americans are happy about this! Perhaps all the anger is because we think we’ve been victimized, like the pirates just randomly decided to try and loot our ships and take our people hostage for ransom. But there is nothing random about this. It’s time to stop and really ask ourselves the hard question: Why do they plunder us?
The arrogant, simplistic answer is, “Well, that’s just what pirates do. They plunder booty.” That’s not a real answer though; we need to dig deeper and see their motivations. We need to see that our own actions are a part of it. Now, I’m not one of those “blame America first” people (though America is pretty much at fault for everything bad that happens lately), but there is a lot we could do better to give the pirates more options than the anger they feel for us and use against us. Put yourself in a pirate’s boots; what would you say if you looked upon American culture and its attitudes towards pirates? You’d probably say, “Arr!” or “Shiver me timbers!” because what else would there be to say?
In America, pirates are an extremely marginalized and stereotyped group. They are often used as mascots for sports teams and seafood restaurants and cast as stupid, mindless villains in movies. The respected actor Johnny Depp has apparently made it his mission in life to portray pirates as nothing more than objects of ridicule. All this, and there is pretty much no effort on our part to understand or support pirates. How many leaders in America even recognize the holiest of pirate holidays — September nineteenth, International Talk Like a Pirate Day? None I can think of.
I agree, low self esteem is at the bottom of piracy, something an honorary degree from ASU would cure.
I think the pirates shoud have their own reality shows, “The Pirate Bachelor”, “Pirate or Golddigger?”, “Survivor: Pirates at Sea”, and “For the love of Pegleg”. They also need their own networks, “PNN: Pirates News Network” or “Foxy Pirate News: fair and balanced”, so they no longer have to be a victim of biased reporting. And I am outraged, outraged that Bill O’Reilly has not given equal time to the current superstars of the sea, oh the ones that are still living. Those darned SEALS, being all good at their jobs and everything, there goes the pirates’ self esteem. Again.
When I go to work today, I am going to ask why pirates are not a larger part of our diversity effort. With this clear oversight I am left to wonder, will our program every be truly successful? We have aimed too low, something the SEALS did not. [Ruh-ro, guess my bias is showing. GO NAVY!]
Nice try, however in the age of Obama the world is so upside down parody is no longer possible. 50% of readers will take you seriously.
This is the wittiest I’ve seen in a long time. Thanks for the giggle!
Don’t laugh. I am sure there is some left wing think tank somewhere working on a policy statement decrying the way society treats pirates. Low self esteem, issues with career choice, the humiliation, the public scorn and ways to help these disadvantaged people. I see a congressional hearing in the near future – maybe a class action lawsuit to boot. The mocking must stop. Pirates are people, too.
September 19 is talk like a pirate day and I want to warm up on some Winches in the room:
10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …
1. Prepare to be boarded.
Obviously they are lacking a top notch ‘community organizer’! We now know what one of these guys can do.
I agree with Terry and Sandra. When I was reading this I pictured some of the talking heads reading this from the teleprompter. Very funny. thanks
I cannot believe I am offering to add anything to the brilliance of #5–I believe that is wenches, unless your comments are meant to be from one tool to another.
Maybe we can set up a way that the pirates can plunder a ship, get some booty without having to stop the ship and take hostages.
Perhaps we can have the cargo containers arranged like a maze on the deck with a loot box in the center. The pirates can just board, run around the maze, find the loot box, wave their cutlasses in the air then leave. The pirates are happy and rich and the crew gets to enjoy a good show (if it is around dinner time that would be awesome). It is a win/win situation.
Do you think some welfare checks and food stamps would help?
Perhaps this will put an end to the ridiculous “Pirate Unit” so beloved by elementary teachers.
#8; Leigh. OH! I see. At first I thought #5; fear Obama, was thinking about heating up lifting devices equipped with rope storage drums. But you cleared it up for me. And thanks for not pointing out barnacles normally attach themselves to keels, not so much rudders.
Avast there, ya lubbers. Look sharp, now. These be tricky waters.
Why don’t we consider the feelings of the cockroaches, while we are at it?
This article is an outrage! I cannot believe in this day and age we are still treating pirates like second class citizens. Next you’re going to start insulting Vikings. You people sicken me.
You just did a parody on European pirate
stereotypes. These pirates do no and have
not existed for a long time.
The pirates we are dealing with now are simply
following the tradition of taking booty from
the kaffirs. Plundering unbelievers is a
historically supported activity on land or sea.
In fact in calling them pirates you are showing
religious insensitivity. Perhaps interfaith
interaction is a better term but I am sure
some Obamese term will come up to better
describe it.
LOVED the last paragraph! Made the whole article worth reading.
This was a hilarious read.
Argh, me mateys there is a sniper bullet with me name on it. Double arghhhh!
#12, I am sure that #5 was thinking about the barnacles attached to the rudder of the pirate boat being towed by the Navy. These be tricky waters indeed!
The only problem with this satire, is that the left is beyond satire these days. i mean with Al Sharpton calling them “so-called pirates” its hard to call this even parody.
a style exercice can just make one smiles
but reality is more acerb
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/africa/article6100783.ece#cid=OTC-RSS&attr=797093
Are pirates included in the 47 million that don’t have health care? Because that would explain everything.
It’s a funny article, but I’m sure that someone, somewhere is writing the serious version. Remember in the late 1960s the idea that every American should receive a guaranteed income regardless of whether they work or not was supported by 1200+ leading economists including Galbraith, Tobin, and Samuelson.
19. A.W. wrote:
…with Al Sharpton calling them “so-called pirates”…
Peter writes: Please tell me you are joking. Please tell me this country has not really sunk that low.
IMAO can always be trusted to deliver hilarity
. Terry Gain:
Nice try, however in the age of Obama the world is so upside down parody is no longer possible. 50% of readers will take you seriously.
Terry, you’re right! Parody IS no longer possible.
Universities need to institute Pirate Studies programs immediately.
Speaking for the legal community, I resent the remark about lawyers being like pirates. I don’t deny it, I just resent it.
I’m okay with your slam against the pirate world, but why did you have to drag poor, defenseless birds into your humor? I am offended, in honor of my 2 year old Eclectus.
WHY??? Because we are liable to lie down and die so we won’t offend theie little pirate sensitivities. HEY STUPID!!! Treat these animals like the animals they ARE.Put them down like a rabid dog!(or am I being insensitive to the rabid dogs?….TOUGH)THE ONLY THING THESE SO AND SOS UNDERSTAND IS FORCE!Lets give it to them…IN SPADES!SINK THEM!!! Just like the old days, sink them and hang them from the yardarm PERIOD!
RE: Special Sniper Bullet = .50 cal does the job nicely.
Just remember the magic words: “Somali want a cracker?” Then, when they stick their heads up, give ‘em the SEAL treatment.
You sound alot like Boss Limbaugh – wave the white flag of surrender to the pirates! BOO HOO!!! Mean old Obama killed some teenagers. I suppose Limbaugh would just hand the ship over to the pirates. Cowards.
This guy makes the same arguements but he is serious.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/you-are-being-lied-to-abo_b_155147.html
Code Pink and Cindy Sheehan need something to make them feel relevant again, perhaps they can take up the pirate cause?
Sorry No. 5, I’m sure that image made your Roger less Jolly.
CHOMBO:
What in the seven seas are you talking about?
It’s about MONEY, dummies.
Maybe we could launch a midnight basketball program in Mogadishu?
No, better yet- launch Predators toward Mogadishu.
Nothing says “We Care” like a Hellfire missile impacting on their Boghammer.
(“Mother ships”, being of a higher status tonnage-wise, get Harpooned.)
cheers
eon
Jim Norvell, I’m glad you posted that link as it saved me the trouble of finding it. I figured Frank was using the pirate sympathy as a launching point for his hilarious lampoon.
FrankJ – “Put yourself in a pirate’s boots; what would you say if you looked upon American culture and its attitudes towards pirates? You’d probably say, “Arr!” or “Shiver me timbers!” because what else would there be to say?”
Dagnabbit, WHEN will I learn NOT to be taking a sip of soda or water when I read your stuff? When, I ask you? Shiver me timbers, you’re a walking spew alert!
why?
because they can..
when will they not?
when they can’t.
end of story.
who is this bozo?
gcbblues – do you understand satire?
if you seen this nutshow? waaaa waaaaa toxic waste waaaa waaaa we should dump more!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjreRSFNLTI
I wonder how long it will be until some hollywood slop maker will do a movie on these somalian pirates and tell it from their point of view? Dont put it past some lowlife reptile like OLIVER STONE or MICHEAL MOORE
Well, I vote for repeated application of 7.62x51mm Nato therapy.
Stephen
Hate to tell you this but much of NATO therapy comes in the smaller 5.56, though a smaller cap it is just as good a remedy. My doctor says use two for instant relief, something about it opens passages, cures headaches, and is good for what ales you.
This is funny and clever but so close to the actual leftist worldview it almost fails as parody, lol.
Well guys,
What we need to do is put shooters on the ships and don’t take prisoners. Blow them out of the water.
When the pirates back home notice that pirates are going out and none are coming back, they may think twice before going out.
And we need to do the same with Afghanistan and elsewhere. Since the interrogation rules have changed taking prisoners is pointless. They will be brought here, Holder will give them a big kiss, and some nut case judge will turn them loose or sentence them to 6 hours community service.
Will this line of thinking work for corporate pirates?
To GClarke
Oh, I do hope we get to find out someday.
Thanks again Frank J for making my day!
I am glad Frank is on Pajamasmedia now so more folks can spew their coffee thru their noses and all over the keyboard and monitor while reading Franks excellent opinion/facts.