When Taxes Attack, Make Sure Your Gun Is Loaded
Some handy tips on how to fight increasing revenues.
March 27, 2009 - 12:00 am
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- Make sure to choose an effective firearm. When it comes to taxes, there is no such thing as overkill, so use whatever is most powerful. Personally, I prefer a .375 magnum rifle which I call “The Deduction.” It can shoot through five taxes at once!
- When taxes attack, make sure to secure your home and place of business. Lock all doors and windows, and use duct tape to seal your doors. Taxes are notorious for using any opening and fitting into any space they can.
- Taxes are quite sneaky, so be most wary of the taxes you don’t see. To keep hidden taxes from surprising you, set up traps around your building and use careful accounting.
- Surprisingly, taxes actually have human allies, so be wary of anyone trying to get into your home to hide from taxes, as he might actually be a socialist and on the taxes’ side! So if someone knocks at your door, don’t let him in without first verifying he’s not a socialist by asking him a question only a capitalist would know the answer to, such as “Who is John Galt?” Also, even though it has nothing to do with taxes, before you open the door, make sure he’s not a landshark.
- When shooting taxes, make all your bullets count. Make sure it’s a tax and not some sort of fine or fee before taking the shot. If you waste ammo, you’ll have to go the store to buy more, and taxes could easily ambush you there.
- Never ever show taxes any mercy. No matter how much they plead that they are only trying to help the poor or save the environment, it’s always a trick. Always. They know nothing but destruction, so shoot them, and laugh a hearty laugh as they die.
- No matter what, never cede ground to taxes. Never. Stand and fight and do not retreat. When taxes have seized new ground, it’s almost impossible to push them back again. If they swarm your hometown or even overtake family members, leave them. They’re gone; they’re the government’s now.
- Finally, keep all your money in a safe connected to a thermite charge. Then, if all seems lost, you can easily destroy all your money before the taxes get to it. It may be the end for you, but at least you won’t be feeding the beast so it can destroy others.
Follow these tips, and you can fight back against taxes — or at least die with honor. While others will just sit there and wait for the taxes to consume them like lambs to the slaughter, you’ll have your shotgun ready and not give up your money without a fight. Sure, some will laugh at you and call you a “nut” or a “kook” or “incapable of understanding basic concepts,” but who will be laughing when the taxes tear the flesh from their bones and then hit them with a “being a skeleton” tax? That’s what happens when you submit to a tax without a fight.
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“In fact, taxes have swarmed the entire state and rendered it nearly uninhabitable by human beings; they writhe on it like maggots on a corpse.”
That’s why people are leaving in droves. I escaped the asylum in 2007.
My weapon of choice is called the “FairTax”.
http://www.fairtax.org/site/PageServer?pagename=about_faq
Like the bumper sticker on the truck parked next to mine says: “There is no problem that cannot be solved by the suitable application of high explosives.”
There is only one way to deal with taxation…just say no! Say no to every ballot issue asking for more money, every questionaire, every Congressman, State and Federal, every President, Governor and Mayor, every special district. Some taxes will always make it through the system (pity the children and teachers, the cops and firemen, the unwed parents, the sick and downtrodden, the illegal and parasistic, etc.), so we need to say no just to keep the politicians, liberals and charlatans from taking it all and having control over us when they decide who to give it to. It’s all about votes and power, there is no altruism…and it’s our money.
“When shooting taxes, make all your bullets count. Make sure it’s a tax and not some sort of fine or fee before taking the shot.”
Okay, but I live in Wisconsin, where we’ve got fees that are actually just like taxes. I should shoot those, too, right? If it walks like a tax and it talks like a tax…
What about hand to hand? If they get too close for a rifle, and let’s say we’re out of handgun ammo. I’ve got a trench knife I keep close for the eventual zombie attack. Will that work?
This country was founded with the blood of patriots because of being taxed with out having representation. Sadly we have come full circle because our elected officials are corrupt, bought and paid for by special interest. Join a TEA party in a city near you or sponsor one in your home town 4/15/2009. Let the new revolution begin. Take back our great nation,or our grand children will ask “Why did you do nothing to stop my slavery”
I think the theory is the pen is mightier than the sword (or gun, as the case may be). Even if it’s analogy is the touchscreen on a voting machine. Vote the tax and spend politicians out.
But of course, that never works because everyone’s own congressmen are ok. It’s the ones in someone else’s backyard that are the culprits. Right?
TrogloPundit: A trench knife for zombies? How you going to get to the brain?
I think a sharpened e-tool is best for taxes or zombies at close range.
Can you deduct guns and ammo on your income tax return?
..will King George have us back?
I’d trade all of the taxes I pay now for tax stamps and and taxes on tea.
Hell, I’d even let a British soldier sleep in the guest room as long as we could knock back a few pints together in the evening.
..kidding, of course.
Joey, get your doctor to prescribe them for mental health purposes then they can be deducted as a medical expense. Oops that’s right the AMA is anti-gun.
10. Joey:
“Can you deduct guns and ammo on your income tax return?”
It should be an automatic tax credit – not a deduction requiring schedule 752 stroke 6 stroke A.
Old Soldier – you want a good heavy one with a brass-knuckle grip and a spike coming out the other end. The spike is perfect for a downward thrust through the frontal or parietal bones.
I agree about the entrenching tool. I should get one of those.
Let’s just all do a Marion Barry/Tim Geithner/Tom Daschle/Nancy Kellifer/Ron Kirk/Pete Stark/Eliot Engel/Charlie Rangel, etc:
http://trackacrat.com/?s=tax
More added to the list daily…
Fun article!
What do I do about TURBO TAXES? Are these more dangerous, other than being turbo-charged faster?I have high-power weapons, I just hope my reaction time will be sufficient. Target acquisition must be almost instantaneous!
Hey Frank is that .375 magnum a bolt action?
How do you get a high enough rate of fire in the current “Domestic Contingency Operation” with a bolt gun?
You might want to try the Armalite or DPMS in 338 Federal, speed and power for these target rich days.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmkiJ2gSyNI
From today’s LA Times, 2 articles…
California merchants have launched an advertising blitz urging consumers to buy before the statewide hike kicks in April 1. (+1% sales tax…as of April 1, the sales tax will range from 8.25% to 10.25% depending on additional local taxes.)
California’s personal income tax rate now will rise by a full 0.25%, boosting to 9.55% the current maximum of 9.3%.
Besides the fiscal mismanagement Ahnold was spozed to fix from Gray Davis’ days, there are all those illegal immigrants, healthcare, schooling etc. to pay for.
On your youtube link, richard (#19)
Obama keeps repeating “cut the deficit we inherited in half by the end of my first term”
That would be the deficit under GWB plus the $700 billion in TARP I that Obama voted for late last year, while still a Senator.
Apparently, his promises of cutting the deficit relate only to the deficit he “inherited”.
He appears to be making no promises about the gigantic, monstrous deficit he is in the process of creating.
Doublespeak.
Mr. Fleming:
Wouldn’t it be a lot easier and cost-efficient to just hurl large boulders through space at Planet Revenue, (where the Taxes come from)?
Get a good old Mosin-Nagant with bayonet it covers all your options.
-Cheap rifle.
-Soviet era: A Commie rifle used to killing Fascists.
-Cheap ammo.
-Easy shooter and accurate.
-Cheap ammo.
-Get one of the Finnish ones and you are set with a Commie gun used to killing Commies *and* Fascists!
-Cheap ammo.
-Bayonet – Run out of ammo and you can charge the taxes with it and skewer them by the dozen.
-Cheap ammo.
-Spares your handgun from being over-used.
-Did I mention cheap ammo?
-Sturdy construction: if a Soviet peasant could take care of it, you sure as hell can.
-Cheap ammo.
-And if you learn to love cleaning off cosmoline, you can help your friends clean one up too.
-Cheap ammo.
-Lots of after-market parts around, and you will never worry about spares because they were made in the millions.
-Get the ammo in the 440 tin: buy in bulk.
Remember, whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never met up with a Thompson SMG… they don’t call it ‘The Chicago Typewriter’ for nothing, you know.
“Seamus:
There is only one way to deal with taxation…just say no! It’s all about votes and power, there is no altruism…and it’s our money.”
United States of Goldman Sachs is now a Government by the Bankers, of the Bankers, for the Bankers. But shhhhh… lets tell the sheeple they have the ultimate power because they can vote, and have them debate over if it was Clinton, Obama or Bush who brought them to ruins.