What If Obama’s Teleprompter Failed at Valley Forge?
An off-the-cuff "history" lesson about the Continental Army's carbon footprint and the fishy propaganda of Thomas Paine.
September 9, 2009 - 12:00 am
The scene: President Obama is about to give a speech at historic Valley Forge, Pennsylvania.
President Obama: “Ladies and gentlemen, it is a great pleasure for me to address you from one of America’s most revered sites, Valley Forge, where …”
Pfffttt. The teleprompter gives off a loud noise, then goes blank.
Obama: “Uh, I’m sorry, but it seems that my teleprompter is malfunctioning again. (Laughs nervously.) But that’s no problem. I’ll speak without notes and from the heart, just as great orators always do.”
Watching on TV back at the White House, Rahm Emanuel and Robert Gibbs exchange nervous glances.
Obama: “As you undoubtedly know, Valley Forge was the place where George Washington’s army spent the brutally hot summer of 1777. It was one of those terrible summers that gave wise and far-seeing people a glimpse of the global warming challenge that now threatens us all. Washington did what he could to reduce the army’s carbon footprint, but unfortunately no one had thought of cap and trade back then.”
Emanuel and Gibbs stare open-mouthed at the TV screen.
Obama: “But there is something far more important for us to understand about the army at Valley Forge. It was, you see, the forerunner of the angry mobs of misguided protesters we’ve been seeing so much of lately. Just as the people at the so-called tea parties have been whipped into an anti-government frenzy by a clever and manipulative campaign of disinformation, so were the troops in Washington’s army. In those days, people were taken in by propagandists and spin doctors like Samuel Adams, Thomas Paine, and Patrick Henry with all their talk about individual liberty. Today it’s Rush Limbaugh and a bunch of bloggers in their pajamas, spreading falsehoods about my policies 24/7.”
Emanuel: “Gibbs, how in hell do we get Barack off that stage?!” Gibbs: “Dunno, Rahm.”