Welcome to Illinois, Gitmo Terrorists
And while it is legal to hunt ducks, deer, and turkey, we draw the line at shooting infidels. I realize that you find this outdoor activity good sport, but we don’t have a lot to spare (our population is only around 500) so we’ve placed them on your “endangered species” list.
Finally, if you are going to fish, please refrain from using dynamite.
Thomson Correctional Center
As the town website notes, you will be staying at our brand new, luxury correctional facility. And let me tell you, it was hard work getting that thing built. First, we had to find a way to pad the budget a little. The state originally gave us $95 million to do the job, but that simply wasn’t enough.
I’m sure you understand the concept of baksheesh. Well let me tell you, if you are going to stay in Illinois for any length of time, you will eventually acknowledge that you guys are pikers when it comes to laying out the baksheesh compared to our politicians here. You may have invented the concept, but our politicians have it down to a science. Thus, it wouldn’t surprise you to learn that the original $95 million quickly ballooned to $145 million when a former governor decided to add about 600 beds to the facility.
Big surprise, huh?
Completed in late 2001 (six months behind schedule), we were supposed to open in early 2002. But, as these things happen in Illinois, the state legislature “forgot” to include $13 million in initial operating costs for our little corner of heaven. And then the governor at that time (now comfortably ensconced in a similar prison facility up the road in Wisconsin) decided he needed to save the taxpayer some money so he refused to authorize any funds for running your new home.
Time passed. And then more time passed. Finally, four years later, someone in Springfield woke up to the fact that there was this $145 million dollar white elephant sitting in the middle of the prairie that was supposed to house a thousand prisoners but was standing empty. And while this is usually no big deal in Illinois, as luck would have it, the press somehow discovered the TCF (which really is in a remote location, smack dab in the middle of nowheresville) and began to ask uncomfortable questions about why this monument to government stupidity was lying fallow while they were sleeping on top of each other at the Pontiac Correctional Center down the road.
Thus, in 2006, another governor (this one headed to jail but not quite there yet) authorized 200 prisoners be moved to the minimum security wing of your new home. These guys will be your new neighbors, and you are expected to be nice to them. No loud praying, wild jihadi parties, or accidental explosions will be tolerated.
Security
We’ve tried to make things homey for you, but the feds may have some other ideas:
Security at the facility also must be upgraded. The property currently is enclosed by a 12-foot exterior fence. There also is a 15-foot interior fence with a dual-sided electric stun fence.
No giggling, please. We’re serious about this — really.
Federal officials want to lock it down even further.
“It would add additional upgrades to those,” a senior White House official told reporters Tuesday.
I understand they want to change the locks and perhaps maybe put bars on the windows, but those kind of extra security measures are standard for American prisons. We want to establish a bond of trust with all of our inmates and will try to make your stay here — whether it will be a few months or otherwise — as pleasant and comfortable as possible.
A word about riots. If you are going to riot, the cafeteria and gym are off limits. Do you have any idea how much new place settings would cost us? And forget about trying to replace the basketball backboards. If I told you how much baksheesh that cost us, you’d understand why we have to put our foot down about setting fire to the gym.
Attempted escapes
I understand that prison life can be pretty boring what with few (if any) opportunities to ply your chosen trade. Suicide bombings are almost unheard of in Thomson, although a couple of kids nearly blew themselves up last 4th of July by setting off a bomb they made in the high school chemistry lab. And the fun kind of mayhem you may be used to initiating back in your own countries just doesn’t play well here. We are quiet, God-fearing folk whose idea of a good time is renting a tandem bike from Arnold’s Bike & Embroidery for a relaxing ride down the river.
I have to tell you we’re pretty serious about this whole escape business. Sure, we’re happy you’re here what with all the federal cash that will be spread around. But the fact is, we draw the line at foreigners walking around town unsupervised. So just to be on the safe side (most of our residents are armed and know how to use guns), we strongly suggest you refrain from making any escape attempts while you’re here.
And we insist that if you absolutely feel the need to leave, that you wait until you get into Iowa before causing any real damage. Our governor is already in enough trouble with state legislators over this and can’t afford any embarrassing rampages until after the election next year.
Our president is already on the hook for making this move and it sure wouldn’t do his political cred any good if any of you showed him up by offing a few unbelievers. So I would suggest you cooperate with the prison authorities and serve out your time by enjoying your stay in our fair state.
If you do happen to make a run for it, might I suggest taking a few minutes and stopping by to see the famous two-story outhouse in Gays, IL? You won’t be disappointed.
It’s all about patronage, that Illinois staple. Who better to run a federal prison than Jan Schakowsky’s husband, convicted felon Bob Creamer?
He’s qualified!
“Thomson is also known for some of the finest duck hunting, deer hunting and turkey hunting in the state of Illinois.” Pity we can’t add to that “al Qaeda hunting.” Twice a month we can let loose one al Qaeda inmate near a lake or a pond and let American hunters have a crack at him. We’ll make it a fair fight, with the al Qaeda inmate being forced to wear a nice orange vest so that he’ll be easier to see. And the best part will be that you won’t need a permit to hunt al Qaeda inmates! Only thing you’ll need is a shotgun or a hunting rifle (scope optional, but encouraged) and a large knife for gutting your kill. You’ll even be allowed to strap him over the hood of your car. Now, you can’t beat that for fun! I think that would be a fitting end for a guy like Kahlid Sheikh Mohammed and his pals. After all, they were only responsible for killing 3,000 Americans. You know, there may be an up side to this whole Illinois thing after all.
I am opposed to closing Gitmo. However, given that the Dems have all the power, and the votes, this is the best available option. Hopefully, the military will continue running the terrorist jail. If they don’t, this will be a disaster.
It is a win for Illinois. They sell a white elephant prison. It creates a few jobs. Maybe even some nice tourism dollars!
I also agree with the author that the weather in Cuba is too good for terrorists. Illinois weather sucks-especially along the Mississippi. Not only do they get the cold, but they get that dry then damp cold that comes with living near the river. Really chills your bones. Looking out on the horizon, all they will see is corn. Got to be a worse view than looking at the sea near Gitmo.
And when they get tired of Illinois, Iowa is just across the river, waiting for their tourist dollars.
Libertyship45, Gut first, then kill.
So, let me be clear says the Once.
We are moving these terrorists from an unassailable prison in Cuba to a facility in IL, right here in the Homeland. And, we’re not closing the borders. This will make US safer?
Besides, Gitmos’ carbon footprint is far smaller than that facility at Thompson.
This is a perfect opportunity to promote green technology. No natural gas, no coal and no oil to heat the prison and generate electricity. All solar panels and wind mills. Inmates will love it and it will be green.
I am so glad they will be in Obama’s home state. There, treated with overwhelming kindness, they will see that we are not all evil people like Bush, we are not even all Christians, or Jews! Once they see how non-judgemental, tolerant, and fair we are, they will probably want to become Democrats.
Legally, they can not move into their new confines until they are granted the status of citizen-terrorist from non-domestic combatants. They were arrested by the military, not read their rights, possibly tortured, held without civilian due process, and are to be tried in civilian court. Their transfer to the Land of Lincoln is a mighty legal mess. Putting them back on the battlefield would be far less of a circus and endangerment.
Considering the corruption in Chicago, can we expect any good to come from this move? Once these detainees get on US soil, they can shop for judges, who might decide to release them here in the states. I’m sure Illinois is not lacking in judges who can be bought.
When was the last time you heard a right-winger agree with something done in this country? Crybabies?
After doing nothing with the detainees for eight years, it’s time to complain. They knew somebody else was going to take care of business . . . Oh, well, just the usual . . .
Thompson will just become the next ‘Gitmo’ for protestors, a draw for disreputable people of all sorts, a magnet for fellow jihadists, or so on and so forth. For all we know, the town and surrounding area will be held hostage to the correctional institution.
Put an institution in a corrupt state, run by corrupt governor and legislature and what do you get? Right.
vivo:
“After doing nothing with the detainees for eight years, it’s time to complain.”
As usual, nonsensical drivel. We kept the rabid dogs in a safe offshore kennel, which was just fine, and ought to have been continued until the end of the war- just as soon as bin-Laden surrenders.
It was the Left who pissed and moaned and bitched about the treatment of the pow widdle terrorists.
Myself, I think we should have treated each one to ten feet of chain and a boat tour of shark-infested Guantanamo bay… one-way, of course.
What a bunch of sissies. Are you cowards honestly afraid of keeping prisoners in Illinois?
Good grief.
“Considering the corruption in Chicago, can we expect any good to come from this move?”
Thompson is on the other side of the state. You’re making two points about two different issues. I assure you, no “Gitmo detainee” can buy a judge. That’s a privilege reserved for the elites.
If I were a smart jihadist loving scumbag terrorist defending lawyer I’d immediately start a lawsuit claiming that moving my client to the harsh and uninviting climate in Northern Illinois is a racist move. My clients are used to the warm and balmy weather in Cuba and it’s simply an act of racism to expose them to the harsh winters and uncomfortable summers they will experience in Illinois. Since we seem to be hell bent on moving the terrorist murderers to the United States, why does it have to be in Northern Illinois. I’d be pushing for a move to say, Miami, or maybe Southern California where the weather is much more acceptable to the terrorists. Having spent a winter in Northern Illinois myself, at the cruel and unusual Naval Training Center, Recruit Training Command I can attest to the harsh winters. Matter of fact the day I arrived at Glakes it was around twenty degrees below zero. But we certainly don’t want to expose the peaceful lovers of all mankind that are currently residing in Gitmo to those kinds of conditions.
kenny komodo:
“If I were a smart jihadist loving scumbag terrorist defending lawyer I’d immediately start a lawsuit claiming that moving my client to the harsh and uninviting climate in Northern Illinois is a racist move.”
Exactly why you aren’t a lawyer. Though there are plenty of dumb lawyers, someone as ignorant as you has no chance of becoming one.
Seriously, you can’t be as stupid as your post leads us to believe. That can’t be.
Libertyship46:
What you describe is similar to what is going to happen. You just left out the part where a liberal judge agrees with ACLU and has them released.
jharp: Here are the problems with this stupid idea:
1. We already have a secure facility, why build another? In case you haven’ heard, we kind of have a deficit going right now.
2. Bringing them to the U.S. opens up all kinds of legal challenges to their incarceration.
3. Trying them in civilian court will publicize during discovery military secrets that lead to their capture.
4. All this leads to a decent possibility of them being released, possibly in the U.S.
You are the sissy who should be concerned. KSM being released due to a mistrial or outright loss ends Obama’s presidency. He’s a fool for risking this.
jharp please put down your bong and pay attention. Look up the word “SARCASM”. It’s in the dictionary. Don’t have one? Try Bing, you might learn something. And if you do, that weird feeling in your head? Those are synapses and neurons firing away, probably for the very first time. Don’t be afraid.
“Seriously, you can’t be as stupid as your post leads us to believe. That can’t be.”
The sad thing is that kenny komodo may not be pulling your leg! I suspect that one these lawyers is contemplating such a legal argument. Why not? Sillier things than that have occurred.
I see now it’s time to take my posts down. Cowards.
I’ll post it again. George Bush tried one of the 911 terrorists in New York, convicted him, and he sits in prison. Just as Obama’s Justice department is to do.
What are you pants wetters so afraid of?
Let’s not forget the added perk that the (presumably will be) convicted terrorists will have a rapt audience of inmates to convert to Islam.
Well isn’t that special?
This entire foolish wasteful move is purely to fufill a campaign promise but it accomplishes nothing whatsoever.
They are still in jail!!!!
What has this move done besides cost us a ton of money and make us less safe?
Folks, give it a rest.
The post is nonsense. George Bush did the same darn thing and it worked our just fine. It’s the law.
In case you haven’t noticed we’ve got real issues that need to be dealt with. Your nonsensical whining adds nothing.
You guys are silly! This has NOTHING to do with terrorists, justice or prisons. Some Illinois politicians/criminals have an opportunity to make BIG bucks if they can unload a prison facility in Illinois (they are VERY well connected!!!) so they “asked” Obama to make it happen.
Who owns the facility in Illinois, who profits by the sale? I don’t know and the captive won’t ask, but my bet is there are bigs bucks going to some one closely allied to Obama, Emanuel, Daley of one one their friends, relatives or close supporters.
Fact is, these men are illegal combatants, and as such, possess no rights. If we felt like it, we could crucify them to death and we’d be completely just in doing so.
13. Bohemond:
“Myself, I think we should have treated each one to ten feet of chain and a boat tour of shark-infested Guantanamo bay… one-way, of course.”
Your only sentence with some sense . . .
Can you imagine how pi$$ed off the terrorists are going to be? Moving from the Carribbean to Northern Illinois. The wintertimes will be just BEAUTIFUL. lol. The 1st lawsuit for cruel and unusual punishment and due process will be filed in about 48 hrs. I think the area will become a magnet for islamic crazies. When the 1st local is murdered, they might not like it anymore.
Some of you are missing the point. Judges can be bought and with the detainees on US soil, they will be given all the rights of US citizens, which means they can get involved with lawyers and judges, within a corrupt justice system and some could eventually be released and allowed to remain in the USA.
I noticed someone mentioned other prisoners. I read where it is a non-use prison, so I’m not sure if any but the detainees will be housed there. I also read where there would be 3000 employees of which 1500 would be Bureau of Prison employees brought in from other places. Later I read there would be less than 2000 employed. Whichever, it doesn’t look like the residents of the area will get much from the move but increased traffic and some new residents who are related to or involved with the detainees. Whole new neightborhoods of Muslims and their sympathizers, some who could be future terrorists.
We can also expect protests at the prison. Most leftist protesters become unruly, some violent. I wouldn’t want that kind of behavior happening in my backyard. The residents of the area will be sorry they were so gullible to welcome this intrusion into their lives.
Anyhow, my one serious question is – where is the military in all this? Going from a military base to a federal prison and hiring Bureau of Prison employees, appears to remove the military from any involvement with these terrorist detainees. Another indication that the detainees will now be just the ordinary run of the mill murderers. They can probably work it to get out of jail in 7 or 11 years, which seem to be the average leniancy for murder within our justice system. With time already spent, some could be roaming the highways of the US very soon.
29. nadadhimmi:
“I think the area will become a magnet for islamic crazies. When the 1st local is murdered, they might not like it anymore.”
Homeland Security? FBI? Police? Prison walls? Neighborhood Watch? Private security? SWAT? God vs Allah?
Bush had about 7 years to sort out his own mess. Obama is only a year in, but has begun to untangle the FUBAR he inherited.
Bush could have tried these guys any time he wanted to. The military courts were just sitting there, waiting. Instead, he tried to use the situation to create unnecessary precedents – and royally ballsed it up.
At some point, to continue to be able to call itself a good guy, the US is actually going to have to act like one. Just try these guys, stick them in the clink (or whatever) and move on. It shouldn’t have taken this long.
Obama’s stuck with the legacy of the bozo who claimed that “the United States is committed to the worldwide elimination of torture and we are leading this fight by example”. That created a teensy credibility gap when it turned out that, you know, he was lying. I suspect that there are still more bush “gaffes” we don’t know about. Give it time.