Toys R Our Politicians
So Mitt Romney has a problem with people thinking his political views constantly change, and then his own campaign spokesman Eric Fehrnstrom comes up with the perfect analogy by comparing Romney’s campaign to an Etch A Sketch.
By the way, if you need a spokesman but are on a budget, I know one who is going to be available for cheap for a while.
I realize, though, that some younger readers may not even know what an Etch A Sketch is, as it’s rather pointless in the era of iPads and Xboxes, and it wasn’t even that great before. It’s this toy where you draw on a screen by turning two knobs, one moving the cursor up and down and the other moving the cursor left and right. I, like most children, could only ever manage to draw stairs on it. The only real fun was resetting the screen, which you did by shaking it really hard, but there were other toys that were much more fun to shake, like the one I made myself by putting cats in a burlap sack.
So is Romney like an Etch A Sketch? Maybe. But to reset him, someone would have to run up and shake him, but he already has Secret Service protection, and it’s their job to make sure that doesn’t happen. So maybe his resetting is not really a big concern.
Anyway, all this talk about the Etch A Sketch made me realize what dumb toys I had as a kid. You see, I’m from probably the last generation to play with stupid toys like the Etch A Sketch and Lincoln Logs and Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, because this was during the dark ages before the days of sophisticated video games that you can basically spend your whole life playing. I did have video games as a young kid, but they were on the Atari, which had pixels as big as your fist and boring, repetitive gameplay. It wasn’t like Skyrim, where you fight dragons and join the Thieves Guild and the like. Instead, it was jump over a guy. Then jump over the next guy. And then the next guy. And you and whatever you were jumping over were weird, blocky shapes you couldn’t even really make out. So eventually you’d get bored of Atari and choose between playing with dumb toys and playing outside. So obviously dumb toys.
Since these toys were stupid and pointless, they do make good metaphors for politicians. I don’t know if Etch A Sketch would be my choice for Romney, though. Obviously, he’s been compared a lot to a Ken doll because he’s so plastic-like, but he reminds me most of Pick-Up Sticks. Pick-Up Sticks were never anyone’s favorite game. But if all your other toys were broken or your parents took them away because they were weird or dangerous, then Pick Up Sticks was a perfectly serviceable game, and you’d go ahead and play it… though you’d rather play with something much more exciting.
As for the other candidates, Rick Santorum makes me think of Bible Trivia. It’s good to know your Bible, but sometimes you want to play something else. And sometimes you think you’re getting that with Santorum, but he always ends up back at Bible Trivia.
Newt Gingrich… well, he doesn’t remind me of a kid’s toy. He makes me think of a modified version of Russian Roulette. You put one bullet in the chamber of a revolver, spin the cylinder, then point it at your enemy and pull the trigger. Then you point it at yourself and pull the trigger. Then you point it at random passersby and pull the trigger. With Newt, you know he’s going to eventually go off and take someone out, but you just don’t know whom. Maybe he’ll launch a great attack on Barack Obama. Or he’ll go after some moderator at a debate. Or maybe instead he’ll attack Paul Ryan and his budget. It could be anyone! What an exciting game… one your parents really don’t want you playing.
What toy is Rick Santorum? A Chatty Cathy doll with a pull string that mouths a dozen repeatable platitudes.
Even as an Evangelical Christian, I’m through with the useless demagogue Santorum. I thought he was a self-absorbed phony from the start, and I’m sure of it now.
Rick Santorum reminds me most of a chastity belt.
Rick Santorum makes me think of a certain adult toy intended for the female consumer.
I gave all of my toys to my Blue Heeler because he liked to chew. Then, when it became apparent that non edible substances were about to make him sick, my parents would throw us outside.
We went fishing.
I never did get the point of those troll dolls; they were really popular for a while during my childhood but I found them to be kind of creepy. My friends were kind of appalled that I didn’t like them. But you couldn’t do anything with them except cut their hair-once. Then the cat ate the hair and left a furball that I had to clean up before Mom found out. Mmmm, Obama’s kind of like the troll dolls.
Oooh, even better: I just googled them and found out that the ones my friends had were cheap knockoffs named Wishniks; they were made only because the original maker messed up his trademark application.
http://www.jeteye.com/jetpak/e2227412-3b33-1029-86c1-00304880af2f/
Just as the Dem Spokes-chief Deborah-dash-something reminds me of Miss Piggy, so Santorum reminds me of Goody Two Shoes.
Toys? No toys. Toys are Satan’s playtools.
Now go back to your room and think about what I said.
Congress reminds me of Sea Monkeys. The kind of Sea Monkeys that are an absolute waste of money and never fulfil the promise of their way exciting advertizing. Congressional Sea Monkeys go further and actually seek to undermine the Constitution and funnel tax dollars to themselves and their friends and their accomplices. My Sea Monkeys were never that advanced which is why they were such a disappointment. And Congress more so.
whoa, that’s not how I remember Etch a Sketch. I thought you drew on it with a stylus, then lifted the plastic pad cover to erase.
But it’s been awhile.
Oh and hey, Pick up Sticks *was* my favorite game!
Have faith Frank, my twin 8 year old grand-nephews have the Etch A Sketch and Lincoln Logs and Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.