Freedom of speech is still alive and well in this country as long as you’re not a college student.
Obama promises not to kill grandma, and I think he’s at least half sincere.
The Islamic Republic of Iran has gone thirty years without nuking anybody (here’s hoping they make it to thirty-one!).
All signs point to this generation’s children being the most adept ever at playing fake, plastic musical instruments.
Global warming has apparently been on break for like a decade (I guess it got shy after all the hype).
Almost 90% of people have employment.
Even after the recent liberal takeover, Democrats are far too scared to even bring up gun control nationally anymore.
The U.S. military continues to reduce the number of bad people in the world by significant quantities each year.
Soon poor people will get free room and board and free meals when they’re imprisoned for not buying health insurance.
Sparkly vampires aren’t real and therefore won’t be stealing our women.
Having completely squandered public support, the worst of the Democrats being in charge is already over.
The sun continues to be a cheap and free source of heating and light with no signs of stopping (thought it is the single greatest contributor to global warming).
Even in the worst of times, kitties and puppies are still fluffy.
The rest of the world finally likes our president, and that and five dollars gets you a cup of coffee.
Thanks to Twitter, we no longer have to speculate what inane thoughts are going through a given celebrity’s head at this very moment.
Whenever we’re feeling down, we can just listen to the last thing Joe Biden said to get a good laugh.
Glenn Beck is on the TV every day, allowing us all to keep an eye on him in case he tries to do anything crazy.
Though some things may have been better back in the day, we have one important thing our forefathers lacked: TiVo.
Hollywood continues to produce one or two good films a year.
Thanks to our efforts against militant Islam, we are still free to eat all the bacon we want.
Due to Sarah Palin’s aerial patrols, wolf attacks are down 30%.
Conservatives have one whole channel that isn’t left-leaning.
Even bankrupted under massive debt and with a ninny as president, America is still like a million times better than any other country.